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utter total apathy

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utter total apathy

Postby snookiebookie » Tue May 26, 2015 11:35 am

We all get low. Usually it's just about finding the motivation to carry on, until we hit a good patch.

ATM I'm just so fed up and bored with everything. Simply uninterested in the day to day drudge. So when I have a bad day, it's hard to motivate myself.

I want to hide away, all of the time...no surprise there, as I'm Avoidant. But when the depression hits, I really can't see the point.

Don't get me wrong, I have a daughter, and will never upset or abandon her.

It's just stuck me just how apathetic and disconnected I feel. I've never felt that before.
No official DX but I still struggle with mental health issues constantly.
Symptoms of Social and Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
Strongly identify with Avoidant Personality Disorder.
Feel that I possibly have some kind of emotional trauma/Complex PTSD.
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Re: utter total apathy

Postby ShatteredSoul » Tue May 26, 2015 2:44 pm

That's exactly how i feel every day.I am sorry that you feel this way,it's a good thing that you have a daughter i think she won't let you become compeletly apathetic as you have someone that you care about .
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Re: utter total apathy

Postby naps » Tue May 26, 2015 10:09 pm

I am with you, snookiebookie. I just got through a rather long "good patch", but for the last week I've felt the depression returning. I've tried to deny it, but at a certain point I just let my guard down and let it happen because it's gonna happen anyway. This may sound strange, but I don't mind the depression itself; being sad, thinking negatively, and all that goes with it because I've spent most of my life being depressed. It's like my normal state of mind. Like a career criminal who's spent most of his life behind bars and doesn't mind going back.

It's the apathy I hate. I give up on everything. All the progress I've been making with my life, money issues, OCD, it all stops and I know I'll end up back at square one when it's over. But not even caring about that.

I think caring is the key. I try to find SOME aspect of my life that still holds some interest, that isn't completely destroyed yet. Sometimes it takes a lot of thinking. I try not to be subjective. For me, I don't have kids, but I do have pets. They are usually the one bright spot because they are the only part of my life that doesnt turn to s**t when I feel like this. They to see the brightness in your daughter. I'm sure she's not in a deep depression, so try to see if maybe some of that doesn't rub off on you. If that's not working, just endure:

If I look at depression as a force that's working against me,that means it needs to be fought. Having no energy or will to fight it is normal with depression. The only way I can fight it is to endure it. Sometimes I put a face on it; someone from my passed that f**ked me over or betrayed me for example ( I tend to be vindictive and not let things go) . If, for example, it's a member of my family (pick one, any one, they're all evil scumbags) I'm picturing, then I "tell" them that I will simply get through this like I always have, and their "curse" of depression makes no difference to me. Just to show them.

Sometimes with depression all you CAN do is endure. And I believe that's enough. To show your demons up by simply enduring the hell they put you through. I know that sounds weak, or defeatist, but what else is there? Punching walls? Hurting yourself? That isn't enduring. Thast's making a victim of yourself. If I feel like the world's victim, I'm certainly not going to become my own victim. That would be defeat. I think there's a big difference between not caring and defeat. They don't have to be the same thing. If you look at it that way, it's easy to muster a little but of energy. Or courage

Not sure if this "enduring" concept is easy to grasp, or if I've explained it properly. It's like, are you ready to give up? No. Kill yourself? No, you have your daughter. So what else is there? To get through it. No matter how long it lasts or fights against you. Endure it.

I told myself I wouldn't post while depressed because I tend to get distorted thoughts, overly negative, nasty, ANGRY, or worse, but I've read this over and I think I'm gonna press'submit' anyway. I hope it helps. I apologize if it doesn't.
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Re: utter total apathy

Postby jamberrypie » Sun May 31, 2015 6:34 pm

My Saturday yesterday was like that. It always puts me in a huge flurry of panic, feeling somehow trapped in my life, and not knowing how to "untrap" myself. Usually when I hit this level of lowness, I generally know what triggered it. I've been feeling disconnected again from people which has been making me feel sad. There are other things going on, but this was the main thing for yesterday.

snookiebookie wrote:We all get low. Usually it's just about finding the motivation to carry on, until we hit a good patch.

ATM I'm just so fed up and bored with everything. Simply uninterested in the day to day drudge. So when I have a bad day, it's hard to motivate myself.

I want to hide away, all of the time...no surprise there, as I'm Avoidant. But when the depression hits, I really can't see the point.

Don't get me wrong, I have a daughter, and will never upset or abandon her.

It's just stuck me just how apathetic and disconnected I feel. I've never felt that before.
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Re: utter total apathy

Postby twistermind » Sun May 31, 2015 10:11 pm

Snookie, I'm also having a hard time with depression. I will tell you what a friend used to tell me.
Depression is a sign that you need to solve something in your life in order to grow and come back to life again with new strenghts. Like Phoenix bird.

Don't be severe on yourself bc you are having a bad time. Sleep. It maybe sometimes very healthy. Take this time on your own and you will know when you are ready to give steps forward. Begin doing little steps like enjoying nature or a coffee with your sister.
Good luck!
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