AvPD & Self-Image

RememberRonni wrote:I am not sure that I agree with that. AvPD is not social anxiety. Generally speaking I am not an anxious person nor am I shy. I do not have any phobias either. I get nervous about things like job interviews but that's normal; everyone feels that way.

My avoidance, or my anxiety if you want to put it like that is to do with close interpersonal relationships. Avoidance is required to have AvPD. Why else would it be called that? I don't walk round stressed and panicky that's for sure. But I do avoid close relationships. And I have good reason for doing that too.

I think AVPDs are the ones that kinda "let go" and avoid, another staple of anxiety.

GAD, Social anxiety and other anxiety disorders are more acute, specific and physical. AVPD can be too. AVPD is a "global" form of anxiety, honestly... A lot of people from all walks of the anxiety spectrum can identify with it.

Growing up I had a lot of AVPD and OCDPD behaviors. I structured my whole self around my anxious and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Of course, some people might be avoidant of specific things... So many people just let go of the things that bring no pleasure or cause tension and fear. "I don't wanna study to have that diploma, to have that job, that I know it will be stressful and not enjoyable. I'm tired just thinking about it. I'll keep working in McDonalds".

This is not AVPD, but it's very normal for many people. They let themselves be beat by their fear of the unknown, they want to avoid the stress. And they don't feel stimulated WHILE DOING what they want, so they just resign to a life deprived of many things. Counts as anxiety and depressive behavior, in my opinion, just not as acute.

Some really good posts there TwitedNerve.

(I skimmed so ill have to read more closely later) but since it sounds like you've overcome your anxiety, do you have any practical exercises another person can use to fight their own anxiety issues? For you was it meds and CBT or what? Give me the secrets twisted!

I know on thing that helps me is I try to find the immediate goals to focus on but that doesn't always work/last long enough.

Reagrding the problem of establishing close interpersonal relationships, I have that too, but I manage to establish them over time. It just takes more time and effort from me compared to other people. I am usually the reject in the social situations, the one who gets mocked for not being like the others, who feels ashamed for wanting to be like the others, but just physically can't. As time goes by, people start noticing my positive traits, and start trustung me, and eventually I can establish close realtionships. Only that now I had depression, I became very paranoid about people. I guess invited too many of them into my life, and trusted the wrong type of people. I don't want to start rambling abouts cluster B people. But yes, sometimes you think you met someone or few people who get you so well, then to realize this and another person had these psychopatic traits. You even start questioning yourself, thinking if they are like me, than I must be that psychopath too. And you end up mentally in a very dark place, later to realise they were the wrong people. Honestly, I feel the safest when I around empathic people, not disordered, just normal empathic people.

Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

Personally, I think internet dating type sites tend to attract the wrong types of people.

Does anybody think that volunteering attracts a better type of person, somebody who is ethical, honest, and a good person? Or is that too fraught with power trips, etc.? I have volunteered but don't anymore, and I didn't get to know the people there very well.

skyflyz wrote:Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

Personally, I think internet dating type sites tend to attract the wrong types of people.

Does anybody think that volunteering attracts a better type of person, somebody who is ethical, honest, and a good person? Or is that too fraught with power trips, etc.? I have volunteered but don't anymore, and I didn't get to know the people there very well.

In principle, it should attract the right type of people, but it doesn't have to. It would be good to check a couple of things in terms of developing interests, and once you find the right type of people, you just focus more energy on getting to know them better.

btw. what about that Spanish course you wanted to sign up for?

skyflyz wrote:Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

This place is obviously the best.

skyflyz wrote:Does anybody think that volunteering attracts a better type of person, somebody who is ethical, honest, and a good person? Or is that too fraught with power trips, etc.? I have volunteered but don't anymore, and I didn't get to know the people there very well.

As far as I saw, it tends to attract the worst people. I don't know why, but it is the case.

You want to find places with low competition, or at least fair rules for everybody. I don't know of any such place though, aside from some rare families.

blankslate wrote:Some really good posts there TwitedNerve.

(I skimmed so ill have to read more closely later) but since it sounds like you've overcome your anxiety, do you have any practical exercises another person can use to fight their own anxiety issues? For you was it meds and CBT or what? Give me the secrets twisted!

I know on thing that helps me is I try to find the immediate goals to focus on but that doesn't always work/last long enough.

I can share my personal recipe to manage anxiety and it's bad effects on a new thread, later.
then everyone can contribute with their own way of seeing anxiety/AVPD with their way to fight it.


I think bad people are everywhere and you can't really predict it. Bad personality types and mental illness do not choose a class, race or place to manifest. I think it's good to just be careful and alert... Can't live life without having your own agressive social skills.

Good question. I wonder that kind of thing too. I think that there are good and bad people everywhere we go. For me, it's just hard to sift through the people who are out there to find the people who are most compatible with my disorders.

I used to think I would meet a lot of really good people volunteering, and I've done a lot of volunteering in my life, but have never really made a long-term friend that way.

The most significant people in my life I've met through my workplaces. I first met my DH in college where we both had part-time jobs at the same place. I met my closest friend from a job that I had 15 years ago. She worked in the department right next to mine, and we just really hit it off right away.

skyflyz wrote:Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

Personally, I think internet dating type sites tend to attract the wrong types of people.

Does anybody think that volunteering attracts a better type of person, somebody who is ethical, honest, and a good person? Or is that too fraught with power trips, etc.? I have volunteered but don't anymore, and I didn't get to know the people there very well.

twistednerve wrote: on a new thread, later...then everyone can contribute

ok u/daboss. I think you mentioned risk taking earlier. That is one area where I have been able to overcome my anxiety by suppressing it, or simply ignoring it. Talking about things like parachuting out of a plane. I taught myself how when I was pretty young. But it doesn't seem possible for more general anxiety issues; to just ignore the anxiety. So i need more strategies.

skyflyz wrote:Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

Umm the dog park sky. The only a-hole there is me and a few others because we don't leash our dogs. Do you have a pet sky? I can't remember if you said you did or not.

Are carnys better people? I dont think ive ever been around any but I wonder why kantor thought avoidants would make good carnys.

skyflyz wrote:Here's a question.. are there certain places where better people can be found? By better, I mean honest, ethical, etc. Outside of this forum of course.

Personally, I think internet dating type sites tend to attract the wrong types of people.

Does anybody think that volunteering attracts a better type of person, somebody who is ethical, honest, and a good person? Or is that too fraught with power trips, etc.? I have volunteered but don't anymore, and I didn't get to know the people there very well.

I think volunteering (especially that done on a regular basis, not like one event in my town where they ask for volunteers to man stations for a triathlon- people show up for that one day as a volunteer and that's it) is generally speaking going to attract a more genuine person- I used to volunteer with a heritage/preservation group and we'd see a lot of people come along and say "I wanna volunteer" and often disappear not long afterwards. The stayers were people with a genuine interest in doing the work, helping out and working with the other members for the friendships formed. That said, we didn't have any big egos in that group either- perhaps that was just by chance...

I agree that internet dating sites are probably not going to attract a typical/average selection of people though. It's going to be people who are very definitely putting themselves out there.