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how to win over avoidant girl?

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how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Ronie » Fri Oct 24, 2014 3:27 pm

I've got the following problem. After meeting a girl on vacation and spending 10 days with her, she left and we stayed in touch til now. She has female friends and doesn't seem to have big problems to tell them that she misses them. She told me little cousin the same. However, when it comes to me she doesn't even wanna tell me that she misses me. After leaving she would text me all the time at first. Ever since she got afraid that I might end our communication she went from texting me all the time to barely texting me though. While skyping she said that she preferred texting cause she coud protect herself better from feelings this way which she later regretted saying.

So basically I have no idea what to do. Sometimes she withdraws or is very passive aggressive. I must say I'm guilty of having been some kind of a shrink trying to explain and fix things with little to no success. I know she's very afraid of letting me get close to her. She even said it might be better to end our communication before things get more serious between us. I do understand that it takes time for her to trust me but I can't be some pushover who waits forever while she is not sure about things. I'm afraid the testing phase will never be over if I don't give her an ultimatum. She is able to have normal friends but when it comes to me she's definitely trying to hold feelings back and would rather end things before opening up.

Any advice what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to react? Our relationship is long distance and I feel that we're kinda stuck. I know I have to be patient and understanding but I have to have some self esteem too and can't wait for her forever. I feel like she trusts me less now than in the beginning and I never gave her any reason to do so.
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Parador » Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:53 pm

Have a Real Doll made that looks just like her.

Image
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Remember Ronni » Sat Oct 25, 2014 5:16 am

Are you sure she is avoidant? Sounds to me like the typical holiday romance.
Diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (BPD)
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Bovary » Sat Oct 25, 2014 8:02 am

Doesn't sound avoidant to me either
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Occams Chainsaw » Sat Oct 25, 2014 8:07 am

Sounds like summer loving.

Guess what? Summer's over, champ.
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby skyflyz » Sat Oct 25, 2014 8:02 pm

Just because somebody is avoiding you, doesn't mean they are avoidant. My advice - move on. It doesn't even matter WHY she's acting the way she does, the only thing that matters is that she's giving off go-away signals.. lots of fish in the sea, right?
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby twistermind » Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:54 am

Come on! Don't be so pesimistic with the guy!
Roni, if she is worthy for you, wait a little moré time. Insist a bit. And then, follow your instinc. When you get to a point where your instinc says to you that this girl is not interested in you or for whatever reason she wants distance. Let her go.
Trust in your instinc.
Good luck!

-- Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:59 am --

Parador wrote:Have a Real Doll made that looks just like her.

Image

People want true relations. Where do the doll and the hookers enter in this equoation? :roll:
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby Ronie » Sun Oct 26, 2014 10:57 am

twistermind wrote:Come on! Don't be so pesimistic with the guy!
Roni, if she is worthy for you, wait a little moré time. Insist a bit. And then, follow your instinc. When you get to a point where your instinc says to you that this girl is not interested in you or for whatever reason she wants distance. Let her go.
Trust in your instinc.
Good luck!

-- Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:59 am --

People want true relations. Where do the doll and the hookers enter in this equoation? :roll:


thank you for the first useful reply. She only started getting more and more distant after expressing her fears of me leaving her. I'm pretty sure she still does have feelings for me but her fears make her distance herself right now. Guess I'll have to wait and see if she can calm down or if it doesn't make sense anymore at a certain point.
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby twistermind » Sun Oct 26, 2014 10:16 pm

I want you to know first that I haven't got many experience in relationships.
Said that, for the information you have added there can be to possibilities: the girl has some issue ir the girl is making an excuse for going away from you.
I would incline for the first option.

Well, I don't think you have any problem in try a little moré with this girl. Have you asked her about if she had a bad past experience in abandom? Perhaps you can clarify the situation for your goodsake.

I'm sure the other users have moré experience than me, but this is how I see the situation.

Do you live very far one from the other?
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Re: how to win over avoidant girl?

Postby inverse » Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:43 pm

I think consistency is the key, for at least 3 times longer than you think there's even a chance left, because she has to be sure you're not going to abandon her.
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