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Re: Random thoughts

Postby blankslate » Sat Nov 01, 2014 2:26 pm

Saw this article. Thought people in here could use it.

An author explains how the highly emotionally intelligent handle the worst office crazies and complainers.
The sad reality is that toxic people are common. So common, in fact, that my Inc.com colleague Lolly Daskal was recently able to come up with 10 types or subspecies of this noxious breed. Equally troubling is the effect those individuals--who like to push others' buttons, stymie projects, and inject pessimism into every situation--can have on their better-adjusted co-workers.
"Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions--the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people--caused subjects' brains to have a massive stress response," Emotional Intelligence 2.0 author Travis Bradberry recently wrote in his LinkedIn Influencer column.
That level of stress, science has shown, can actually cause negative physical changes in your brain. You've probably experienced firsthand what that feels like subjectively--in short, it's terrible! So how can you stop these toxic people from messing with your mind, as well as hurting your productivity?
In his hugely useful post, Bradberry offers a dozen techniques to take the sting out of your office crazy person or resident grump. Here are seven of the best.

1. Set limits
Combine your niceness with someone else's love of endless complaint and you have a recipe for a whole lot of wasted time and unnecessary stress. Don't feel bound to indulge the constant kvetcher at your company, advises Bradberry.
"People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but there's a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral," he writes. "You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: If the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?" How do you do this in practice? Just ask them how they intend to fix whatever it is they're complaining about. That should either put the conversation on a more positive track or quiet them down.

2. Choose your battles
"Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged," says Bradberry. "Choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right."

3. Keep tabs on your own emotions
The danger of toxic people is that their negativity can be catching--even if you're usually not the type to get sucked into endless crankiness and gloom. So keep a sharp eye out for how your annoying officemate affects your emotions. "You can't stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don't recognize when it's happening," he advises.
By keeping tabs on when someone is riling you up, you can better choose calm times to deal with that person. "Think of it this way--if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you he's John F. Kennedy, you're unlikely to set him straight. When you find yourself with a co-worker who is engaged in similarly derailed thinking, sometimes it's best to just smile and nod. If you're going to have to straighten them out, it's better to give yourself some time to plan the best way to go about it," Bradberry offers as an illustration.

4. Defend your joy
Making your happiness contingent on the happiness of people who love to be miserable is a losing game. "When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.

5. Focus on solutions
You can't make your toxic colleagues any less crazy, so don't waste your time ruminating on their many, many faults. That will just drag you down to their level. Instead try to focus on positive and practical measures you can take to deal with them. "This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them," explains Bradberry.

6. Watch physical stressors
You already have enough on your plate managing the toxic people in your life. Don't make it more difficult on yourself by trying to do it when you're exhausted or strung out on 18 cups of coffee.
"Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don't get enough--or the right kind--of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present," Bradberry reminds readers. "A good night's sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people, giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with them."

7. Enlist help
Sometimes you're just too close to a toxic situation to assess it thoughtfully and come up with optimum solutions. In these situations, an outside perspective can be a lifesaver. Don't attempt to be a hero and handle the toxic people in your work life 100 percent on your own.
"Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it," Bradberry urges those overwhelmed by crazy colleagues.
Are there any other tips or tricks you'd add to this list?
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby twistermind » Sat Nov 01, 2014 6:39 pm

You won't expect I read all that, no? :wink:
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby Lucinda » Sat Nov 01, 2014 7:28 pm

point #4
4. Defend your joy
"When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.


Guess we all need to cultivate more narcissistic traits and turn into regular a'ssholes rather than be perceived as ''emotionally unintelligent''....
i HATE the term emotional intelligence....Again it is a concept devised by another person; someone else's musings...other peoples opinions....
WTF does it mean...really?
''Life is not a task. There is absolutely nothing to attain except the realisation that there is absolutely nothing to attain.''
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby HopelessRomantic » Sat Nov 01, 2014 7:55 pm

Lucinda wrote:point #4
4. Defend your joy
"When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.


Guess we all need to cultivate more narcissistic traits and turn into regular a'ssholes rather than be perceived as ''emotionally unintelligent''....
i HATE the term emotional intelligence....Again it is a concept devised by another person; someone else's musings...other peoples opinions....
WTF does it mean...really?


I would say it is just the opposite of not being able to understand and control your emotions and those of others which doesn't have to do anything with being emotionally mature.
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby blankslate » Sat Nov 01, 2014 9:50 pm

HopelessRomantic wrote:
Lucinda wrote:point #4
4. Defend your joy
"When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.


Guess we all need to cultivate more narcissistic traits and turn into regular a'ssholes rather than be perceived as ''emotionally unintelligent''....
i HATE the term emotional intelligence....Again it is a concept devised by another person; someone else's musings...other peoples opinions....
WTF does it mean...really?


I would say it is just the opposite of not being able to understand and control your emotions and those of others which doesn't have to do anything with being emotionally mature.


hey Lucinda, that sounds like healthy self-esteem to me. I do understand why you and others don't like the term for sure. I have a hard time (correction: impossible time) wrapping my head around anything in the psych field.

HR, ya that's what I thought the message of this article was. Forget about the word emotional intelligence, they could use different words and keep the message intact. I thought this thing had good points for 'sensitive ppl' with low self-esteem to be aware of. things that happen in real life.

You won't expect I read all that, no? :wink:

Haha. only if you want to improve your EQ test scores Twist
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby HopelessRomantic » Sat Nov 01, 2014 10:04 pm

If you want to understand, you need to experience things. You will not understand just by studying theory. Live your life fully, and then you will start connecting the dots.
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby twistermind » Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:16 pm

I like this point:

Focuss on solutions:

"You can't make your toxic colleagues any less crazy, so don't waste your time ruminating on their many, many faults. That will just drag you down to their level. Instead try to focus on positive and practical measures you can take to deal with them. "This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them," explains Bradberry."

I'm living something like this just now. I avoid thinking about what I don 't like about that person.

Tóxic people are like virus. They infect those extrovert a and goppsi people in an work. There is often some people who can not be infected because stayed appart. They use to be the introverts.
The moré extrovert there are in a work place, the bigger the infection is.

-- Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:20 pm --

blankslate wrote:
HopelessRomantic wrote:
Lucinda wrote:point #4
4. Defend your joy
"When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.


Guess we all need to cultivate more narcissistic traits and turn into regular a'ssholes rather than be perceived as ''emotionally unintelligent''....
i HATE the term emotional intelligence....Again it is a concept devised by another person; someone else's musings...other peoples opinions....
WTF does it mean...really?


I would say it is just the opposite of not being able to understand and control your emotions and those of others which doesn't have to do anything with being emotionally mature.


hey Lucinda, that sounds like healthy self-esteem to me. I do understand why you and others don't like the term for sure. I have a hard time (correction: impossible time) wrapping my head around anything in the psych field.

HR, ya that's what I thought the message of this article was. Forget about the word emotional intelligence, they could use different words and keep the message intact. I thought this thing had good points for 'sensitive ppl' with low self-esteem to be aware of. things that happen in real life.

You won't expect I read all that, no? :wink:

Haha. only if you want to improve your EQ test scores Twist

Well my level of EI was not that bad. Highly OVER the average.
I'm gonna put in practice each one of the points but there are some that are really tough.

-- Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:26 pm --

I'm recolling that I have a tóxic person in a school 8 years ago. I'm not sure if call him a tóxic or a tyranical person. The worst is that he was my boss. I didn't act with much intelligence though and he gave me lots of problems.
I don't want either to remember him.
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby venividivicky » Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:56 pm

Guess we all need to cultivate more narcissistic traits and turn into regular a'ssholes rather than be perceived as ''emotionally unintelligent''....


Emotional intelligence is kind of silly all encompassing term, for sure. However, there is nothing narcissistic or assholish about being able to assign something proper value without relying on judgement of others. Especially when they aren't experts in the field or are biased against you/have some dishonest motivation for their judgement.
However it is one of those useless advices that are useless because everyone already knows that - the problem is implementing it.
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby twistermind » Sun Nov 02, 2014 1:31 am

Perhaps, I'm gonna said a nonsense but for me,

EI= emphaty + assertiviness + reading well other people.

The famous radar you always mention.
My radar doesn't work very well. I tend to missunderstand people.
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Re: Random thoughts

Postby blankslate » Sun Nov 02, 2014 2:17 am

haha I didn't mean to re-open the EI debate. I guess it's a phrase you have to use carefully around here

venividivicky wrote:However it is one of those useless advices that are useless because everyone already knows that - the problem is implementing it.

yya true although sometimes when I read posts in here it doesn't sound like it's something everyone knows. or maybe they forget.
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