I think I have the symptoms of AVPD

Hi there I joined this forum because I think I may have AVPD and I was looking for a forum where I could have some contact with others who have, might have or know someone who has AVPD. I'm saying I think I have it as I'm not really wanting to diagnose myself with anything but there is enough wrong with my life for me to really feel inside myself that something is definitely up with my emotional states and how I live my life on a daily basis.

One thing I know for certain is that I do suffer from anxiety which seems to present itself as bad bouts of facial and shoulder tension or dizziness (room spinning) when stressed and anxious as opposed to panic attacks which I don't tend to experience even when very anxious.

When I was a child in school my anxiety would get so that if a teacher or another pupil started pressuring me I would begin to feel anxious and like I was being ridiculed and picked upon and eventually I'd just burst into tears in front of the class which would just make me feel ashamed of myself. Some teachers pushed me to this point not all teachers are nice people and it caused me to be rejected by my peers later on during adolescence.

I have done a little research into AVPD and I have been on social anxiety websites before I felt out of place there as many of those people despite being socially anxious had jobs, relationships, went to university etc. and I can't seem to do any of that I can't even work as all the jobs I see involve customer service roles and I'm terrified of that I just can't do that whole have a conversation thing, even an informal one without feeling embarrassed and inadequate about my end.

About an hour ago I was using this PC in a library and the guy next to me muttered under his breath "piece of $#%^" when his time ended and he got up to walk out. Took me about ten minutes to stop thinking about that and wondering if he was talking to me and telling me he thought I am a piece of $#%^.

You see my problem on the face of it I sometimes think I'm crazy but logically I know such problems are related to low self esteem. I also come from a very dysfunctional background Dad drank and bullied our family mercileesly at times and he taunted me often and called me horrible names casting aspersions on my masculinity a lot, especially I felt that as a kid but it's colured my view of myself as a man. I got rejected by my peers. All I'm saying really is I fit the profile for AVPD I don't have aspergers, panic disorder etc. etc. etc.

God can anyone help. I've been so isolated all my life always on my own. Yesterday I was out walking in the sun and on my way home I saw a guy sitting with his gf on the spot I was sat at on the beach an hour before and well that hurt I so want to be able to do things like that but I can't. It's awful I'm miserable as sin about it but I just seem to bite my lip and carry on.

Don't worry, you're not alone with these thoughts. I also have them, but I learnt to laugh at myself. You catch yourself doing something out of low self-esteem or thinking in some paranoid way, you start laughing, because in reality this guy using PC who sat next to you, didn't know you, he had never spoken to you, you're just some person sitting next to him, so his comment was obviously not directed at you. When you see these thoughts coming, you need to learn to start laughing at yourself. You will see for yourself how much changing your pattern of thinking will help you.

That's a good advice!
I do that too.

ven an informal one without feeling embarrassed and inadequate about my end.

What helped me was being in do or die situation. I knew I'll mess up terribly and I did that a lot, but it was that or dying from hunger. Eventually, slowly, it got waaaaay easier. In fact, having to work helped a LOT. No matter how much I wanted to hit my head against the wall. Accept that you're currently handicapped and praise yourself for just coming to work in a first place.

Hi forager,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.. I was wondering if you've had a physical recently, or if you are able to. Sometimes mental disorders are a result of something physical. Things like vitamin deficiencies can cause anxiety too. Other than that, if you've ruled out physical issues, a good thing to do (if you are able to) is consult a therapist, as things for you are such that they dramatically affect your day-to-day living.

I'm thinking that things must have gotten really bad for you lately as it takes quite a bit of courage to reach out the way you are doing here. This is actually a good thing, because it's possible that you needed to reach rock bottom before you are motivated to change. Many people have to go to this dark place before things get much better.

Good luck to you, and I wish you the best.

Hmmm... If you feel that you're on your way down, maybe you could consult a therapist, but it has to be somebody who specializes in personality disorders and is experienced, you don't want to run a risk of misdiagnosis.


That is true that many of us go through life without any help, and only once we're on the edge, we reach out. That was my case too. Some may reach out earlier I believe. I think what you need now depends on the stage you're in. Do you only need some encouragment to go on, or is your anxiety so intense that you are unable to function properly so that you need to be on medication?

Thanks for acknowledging my post. I will consider all the advice's given but I fear in practice funding for mental health and my proclivity for being backward at coming forward with situations that require me to communicate will seriously hamper my ability to negotiate the minefield that is the NHS mental health provision. Thank you anyway I appreciate the input.

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