I don't know if I can explain this properly, but I've come to notice this weird trance-like state I get into at times.
It started this week when some stressful work-related stuff happened, triggering financial insecurity feelings. Perceived behaviour by coworkers and manager made me feel really ostracized. It seemed to put me onto some sort of high-alert, where I felt more intensely vulnerable than usual. I'm left zapped of energy, anxious and paranoid.
My reflex is to isolate. My sleeping has been awful the past several days. I feel an eery depression and I just want to be alone. I'm thinking that my boyfriend must be thinking of dumping me, that my employers are plotting to fire me, and that people I thought were becoming friends are trying to avoid me.
It doesn't feel real. It feels like I am in a trance, like this feeling is something I go into and I don't know any recourse other than just waiting till it passes. I hate it though. I feel really scared.
On a different (but perhaps related) note: I was watching this program on public television today about the effects of school bullying. I was constantly bullied at primary school. This, along with other abusive/neglectful childhood stuff, has given me this avoidant tendency (I believe).
So anyway, this woman on the show said that studies have shown that those who have been bullied on an on-going basis (not just once or twice) have underdeveloped brains. The hypothalumus is actually smaller as a result of bullying (not sure how they know this, I haven't looked at the study so this is hearsay).
I thought it was interesting. Maybe my brain has been physiologically messed up by childhood trauma and that's why I find life more difficult. I wish I was still seeing my therapist so I could ask about this.