Our partner

Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: TDT

Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby Rwylie » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:39 am

I get that personalities are different, but I always assumed there was just a...level of rudeness people had, and everyone should expect it when conversing with Aspergers people. But I've been going to a local Asperger group and have found that some of the people are NOT rude at all, some are slightly rude (as in, they don't know when not to talk in a conversation), and then you have the assholes who go out of their way to be rude (I count myself in this group sometimes...)

Why do you think there is such a difference?

I have this theory about level of acceptance of the disorder--such as, the not-rude people at all had really good integration teachers in early school years and the assholes are only just figuring it out--as in, they don't want the disorder and blame God for giving it to them.

What do you think?
People don't understand what I'm talking about because I talk about things people don't understand.
User avatar
Rwylie
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 242
Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2011 5:54 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby Supersonicfreak15 » Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:18 am

Rwylie wrote:I get that personalities are different, but I always assumed there was just a...level of rudeness people had, and everyone should expect it when conversing with Aspergers people. But I've been going to a local Asperger group and have found that some of the people are NOT rude at all, some are slightly rude (as in, they don't know when not to talk in a conversation), and then you have the assholes who go out of their way to be rude (I count myself in this group sometimes...)

Why do you think there is such a difference?

I have this theory about level of acceptance of the disorder--such as, the not-rude people at all had really good integration teachers in early school years and the assholes are only just figuring it out--as in, they don't want the disorder and blame God for giving it to them.

What do you think?



simple logic! it all depends on how they were raised and the severity of the case. some people who find out earlier then others use it as an "excuse" to not use their manners, of course its not theyre fault. however, aspies with sever cases tend to not notice and don't understand the consept of manners. i hope this helps
Hedgehogs are way past cool
User avatar
Supersonicfreak15
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:10 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 1:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby ok-so_now_what » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:53 am

I was unintentionally rude most of my life, but after nearly 50 years of seeing the dark side of human nature and being mocked, picked on, ostracized, etc. merely for being different, my attitute now is mostly f**k 'em. I genuinely try to be nice and to act, not only in my own interest, but in the best interests of others, as well, but if they want to give me any crap, screw 'em. I have long realized that nearly everyone is almost completely full of $#%^ almost all of the time, so I make very little effort to please people or put them at ease. I will do nice things for people, but seldom bother to act in ways that might be called "polite" or "conventional" or "normal". Screw em. I realized that trying to act normal was futile. Since I will always be eventually recognized as "other", I take the aggressive stance and just mostly go around being very aggressively "other". I mean, I have a sense of humor, crack jokes, etc., just not in the EXPECTED ways.
ok-so_now_what
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 321
Joined: Sun May 15, 2011 6:43 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 7:01 am
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby EBR » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:21 am

Most of the time it is not intentional... I try my very best to be aware of my surroundings and the feelings of others but it does not always work out the way I plan; especially if I am already agitated about something else. I have been told that I appear unapproachable; that people stay away from me because it looks like I have an attitude (most of the time I do not).

For the times that it is intentional, it is sort of a defense mechanism. If I believe someone is purposely being rude to me or plans to, I have no issues preempting an attack.

I have this theory about level of acceptance of the disorder--such as, the not-rude people at all had really good integration teachers in early school years and the assholes are only just figuring it out--as in, they don't want the disorder and blame God for giving it to them.

An interesting theory. I dont think god has anything to do with that, considering most dont belive in such things to begin with. I do believe they could be angry and or resentful of someone or themself. I mean, there was a time I hated everyone including myself for the behavioral issues I did not understand but now that I know better and no longer confused as I was way back when, it doesnt phase me, its just what people do or how they act. I think anyone who has been a human punching bag would see others in a less than optimistic way. Honestly, I really cant fault anyone who comes across as an a$$hole knowing what kind of people are out there...
To put your life in danger from time to time... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.
— Nevil Shute

I would recommend a solo flight to all prospective suicides. It tends to make clear the issue of whether one enjoys being alive or not.
— T. H. White
User avatar
EBR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 703
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:35 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby ireneadler999 » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:36 am

(i'm sorry to post so much, i promise i'll stop. but right now i can't even put into words what a relief this is.)

i think i tend to be rude without intending to, but also i will often blurt things out in the heat of anger that i later regret. (i don't seem to have much in the way of a censor, and it can be difficult both for me and for the people around me.)

the problem i've found is that people often see the very worst in this, and often i end up internalizing everyone's absolutely most horrible picture of me, until i in turn see myself as bad and defective. i've then run with that in the hopes that people who see me as horrible will see me as SUPER horrible and leave me alone :D. unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. (in short: i have been in so much trouble.)

i think a lot of it has to do with how the person is socialized, how well they can read a social situation and how well they can read what kind of impact what he or she says is likely to have, and whether the social situations in general register as a whole or as a collection of unrelated details. (if it registers as a collection of unrelated details, it's difficult to know what to say and when to say it. it's more likely that what you say won't really fit well with the conversation at hand.)

i've also felt like okay_so_now_what. i really can't be normal :D, and i've really been in difficult situations for not being normal. i don't try. my humor (such as it is) will probably always be 'odd' or 'quirky.' but at the same time, i'm making more of an attempt not to be completely inappropriate---and especially to get rid of the anger, so i'm not so prone to blurt out hurtful things, especially at the wrong time and at the wrong people (because i can do that at times.)
definite fish from space (in a hat. try not to punch me.)
User avatar
ireneadler999
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 389
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:05 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (5)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby Grossenschwamm » Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:05 pm

I'm told I'm very polite, but honestly I live in fear of a person's reaction when I say anything. Different people, different hot-buttons - I once posted here about something I said that pissed off a "friend," nothing more than "You look happy."

I didn't find out about AS until I was 18, so maybe the constant unintentional rudeness leading to such severe comebacks when I was younger taught me a modicum of tact. Of course, there are people for which I do go out of my way to piss off. Objectively confirmed assholes who aren't just mean to me.
Grossenschwamm;
Better than chocolate.
User avatar
Grossenschwamm
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 883
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 4:32 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby Twist » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:14 am

Alot of people are arrogant and conceited. Autism is no different.

Then again, being rude is subjective, usually.
"Hatred will not cease by hatred, but by love alone.
This is the ancient law."
- The Buddha
User avatar
Twist
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 160
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 5:09 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby Marv » Mon Mar 26, 2012 5:30 pm

Grossenschwamm wrote:I'm told I'm very polite, but honestly I live in fear of a person's reaction when I say anything. Different people, different hot-buttons - I once posted here about something I said that pissed off a "friend," nothing more than "You look happy."

I didn't find out about AS until I was 18, so maybe the constant unintentional rudeness leading to such severe comebacks when I was younger taught me a modicum of tact. Of course, there are people for which I do go out of my way to piss off. Objectively confirmed assholes who aren't just mean to me.


Same here. By then, I felt it was too late. Not much has changed other than now at 22, I see life for what it is and not try to look with clouded eyes. I now try to work on what's wrong with me instead of looking to others to do it for me because they don't know the full story or they can only do so much. Financially, it's not possible for me to go to a professional so I've had to go the way of doing things either cheaply or without. I have no money or job for insurance so now, I've had to look online for help and it's worked out better than before. I'm not as ill tempered as I used to be, I listen when I can to others before speaking, and now I participate more in class since I'm a college student as well. It took me almost nearly killing myself for me to wake up and realize that it's not as bad as it seems but it's possible to do anything. I also had to change a lot of things I used to do. I often would go to IRC channels with aspies and often pick fights or argue a lot with folks there. Now, it's much different in that now, I don't go to those places often anymore and also stay around people who don't push my buttons.
Marv
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 402
Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:25 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby positivelyportrayed » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:08 pm

Just to add to what others have said (and which I agree with), I think the question can be asked more generally, "why are some people ruder than others?" It must have a lot to do with upbringing (- rudeness was never tolerated by my parents), personality, but also more specifically in AS the level of social "difficulty": some people with AS may simply lack the awareness that they are being rude (or perceived as rude, as this may well not be their intention).

I have - apparently - been rude in other people's eyes at times, and it has rarely been intentional on my part. Believe me, if I want to be rude, I know exactly how to do it! However, I think it's been more a case of being a little too honest and not quite reading the situation correctly ... not an excuse I use, but perhaps a reason. It was worse when I was a child, as I lived in constant fear of saying the wrong thing. I'm much more relaxed about it these days, although I did drop a massive clanger with my dad last night :oops: , although he didn't seem to mind.

TBH, I often find the honesty of other people with AS really quite refreshing, as there is so much social manoevering going on in everyday life, and I just can't be bothered trying after a while. Straight and honest, without bad manners, suits me just fine :lol: You can still be sensitive to others with AS I think, even if it might take a little while to learn the rules.
User avatar
positivelyportrayed
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:04 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 1:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why are some Aspies more rude than others?

Postby philabronc » Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:54 pm

I think it has a lot to do with Aspies being more logical than NTs. Logic to us is the only real way to deal with any situation, and it tells us what to say. However, logic isn't always the kindest way to say something. But if you are like me and didn't know about AS while growing up, it could explain a lot of the rudeness. I never intend to be rude, but it just came across that way.
philabronc
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:29 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 11:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 76 guests

cron