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A year later.

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Re: A year later.

Postby CantThinkOfAny » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:28 pm

So he's allowed to wish that people with aspergers should die and all the sorts, and be so hostile towards everyone, but we can't tell him to stop blaming his disorder for his personal faults, and for him to chill out a bit?


Yes.

Not everyday, but once in a while.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."

Rita Mae Brown

A cliché, but a good one.
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Re: A year later.

Postby Quotidian » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:29 pm

Lia_Interrupted wrote:So he's allowed to wish that people with aspergers should die and all the sorts, and be so hostile towards everyone, but we can't tell him to stop blaming his disorder for his personal faults, and for him to chill out a bit?

No-one is being nasty.


CTOA: It's very sweet of you to stand up for me and I'm glad you find my views interesting. 8)

But Lia has a point.
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Re: A year later.

Postby CantThinkOfAny » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:34 pm

Lots of people have a point of one kind or another.

But it is just quite late darling, and I have a whole episode of Top Gear to watch, so ta-ta.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."

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A cliché, but a good one.
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Re: A year later.

Postby Quotidian » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:36 pm

CantThinkOfAny wrote:Lots of people have a point of one kind or another.

But it is just quite late darling, and I have a whole episode of Top Gear to watch, so ta-ta.


I think I might have to join you on that. :wink:
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Re: A year later.

Postby Quotidian » Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:18 pm

zausel wrote:Ok, you know the equipment and everything, what about the mental training? They teach you to adapt. Adapt to your situation to survive. Why are you forgetting that part of the military? Your not acting like someone who wanted to make a career out of the military. Army of one. You're hating everyone like you. Would you hate your fellow soldiers? Most everyone here is a soldier along side you fighting to have a decent life with AS, and your not being part of the team.

You may not be able to get IN the military, but you can still live a soldiers life. Adapt, unite, survive.


You're 100% correct. There's the mental aspect that takes up most of the training. However, I haven't had the chance to be exposed to the mental aspect of military training and know little about it other than the fact that it's grueling and I'll never get to experience it and prove myself capable of it. I'm not sure how I can use civilian life to prove any kind of mental toughness. It's just another 50-60 years of quotidian boredom that I have to pretend I give a damn about. Doesn't really lead to anything and all seems kinda pointless. Well, that's all I can seem to think about it anyway.

I'm just f**king angry about everything. Like I said, my sister is on her way to do an awesome job in the Navy. I'm so happy for her, she's tough and she's smart and she deserves that job. But the fact that I'm not able to go do the same makes me so embarrassed to be who I am.

I worked my ar$e off all through my teens making sure that when I turn 18, I'm fit, I'm ready, I'm prepared. I can swim like a pro, I can climb a 60ft rope in a matter of seconds, run for miles in combat boots. I can vault over obstacles and scale walls. I know how to polish boots, iron clothes to perfection. I can do hundreds of push ups, sit ups and at one point 78 pull ups. I've boxed, done wrestling, krav maga, Brazilian jujitsu and can kick many as$es. I know the etiquette and exactly what to expect. When I get there, I'm going to be the best recruit there, I'll make sergeant and get my green "mofo-ing" breret! before any of them and make them all look like slobs in comparison to me. They ain't got s**t on me! I don't have any close friends but I don't need them, my career is my life.... "Sorry... No Asperger's allowed. Why don't you go get an office job?" WHAT?!?

I like pain and discomfort. It's those things that make you feel alive. I'm not afraid to die, I don't want to and I'd try survive. But I'm not going to be cowering behind a rock if a fire fight were to break out. It's not depression, I'd rather die like that at 25 years old, than live to 90 to know that I was a coward who didn't have the balls to join and serve.

What now? :|

I understand what you're saying. This is a challenge and I need to learn to adapt to this. I'm just not sure what to think... it's really confusing. Just tonnes of cognitive dissonance that probably turns into anger when I'm not sure what to even write here any more. I just don't f**king know.
I think it's very admirable to work towards the things you want, but... I just don't know where to go from here or what to do.
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Re: A year later.

Postby Quotidian » Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:45 pm

A lot of it has to do with gaining approval.

My dad was always a little disappointed that I was never into engineering. Even though I'm quite a disappointment to him, his opinions aren't as bad as my own.

I don't have a great opinion of myself, this was me trying to prove to myself that I'm not a f**k up and that AS will never hold me back. I used to have this same resentment for AS when I was younger. Instead of AS being this huge detriment to life, I was more inclined to wave my finger in it's face and tell it that I'm not going to let it turn into the freaks that I'd met in that AS social skills class. I think your post reminded me of this. Just determined to prove that not only am I equal to NTs, but I can even surpass them in something like the military. I hated what it did to my social life, but I'm not going to let it ruin everything else.
I'm sure that AS wouldn't have held me back... if I had the chance to prove it.

Another one of the main things was women. I find nothing sexier than a woman who's very goal oriented and intelligent. That's why I tend to be attracted to older women (mostly 30 somethings - There's a thread about it on here, although it's less in depth and centers mostly around sex). I thought that if I joined, then whether or not I have AS, a woman like that might be able to take me seriously. I want to have a good relationship with somebody, but I have nothing impressive to say about myself, I'm not good enough for them. But when I'm in there, kicking everybody's a$s at everything and proving that an aspie is actually a pretty valuable asset in a fox hole, then maybe I might be able to walk up to a woman with confidence.
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Re: A year later.

Postby Quotidian » Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:05 am

Lia_Interrupted wrote:It doesn't cost £50 a week for therapy. Go on the NHS. Stop using excuses and get off your arse!


Been to the NHS. Gvt cut backs are sending me to places that have year waiting lists that I'm currently on.

No help from the NHS. The only option for counselling is private practice which costs £40-£60 per session.
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Re: A year later.

Postby Grossenschwamm » Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:45 am

Quotidian wrote:...I just don't know where to go from here or what to do.


I definitely understand more of where you're coming from, and I hope you'll accept my apology for being so harsh. I would also hope you understand my reaction to your previous comments in this thread, though.

Aside from your physical prowess, what skills do you have? Are you competent enough in the martial arts you've studied to teach?

You mentioned holding down a job in an earlier post - what do you do for work?
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Re: A year later.

Postby zausel » Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:48 am

Quotidian wrote:
You're 100% correct. There's the mental aspect that takes up most of the training. However, I haven't had the chance to be exposed to the mental aspect of military training and know little about it other than the fact that it's grueling and I'll never get to experience it and prove myself capable of it. I'm not sure how I can use civilian life to prove any kind of mental toughness. It's just another 50-60 years of quotidian boredom that I have to pretend I give a damn about. Doesn't really lead to anything and all seems kinda pointless. Well, that's all I can seem to think about it anyway.

I'm just f**king angry about everything. Like I said, my sister is on her way to do an awesome job in the Navy. I'm so happy for her, she's tough and she's smart and she deserves that job. But the fact that I'm not able to go do the same makes me so embarrassed to be who I am.

I worked my ar$e off all through my teens making sure that when I turn 18, I'm fit, I'm ready, I'm prepared. I can swim like a pro, I can climb a 60ft rope in a matter of seconds, run for miles in combat boots. I can vault over obstacles and scale walls. I know how to polish boots, iron clothes to perfection. I can do hundreds of push ups, sit ups and at one point 78 pull ups. I've boxed, done wrestling, krav maga, Brazilian jujitsu and can kick many as$es. I know the etiquette and exactly what to expect. When I get there, I'm going to be the best recruit there, I'll make sergeant and get my green "mofo-ing" breret! before any of them and make them all look like slobs in comparison to me. They ain't got s**t on me! I don't have any close friends but I don't need them, my career is my life.... "Sorry... No Asperger's allowed. Why don't you go get an office job?" WHAT?!?

I like pain and discomfort. It's those things that make you feel alive. I'm not afraid to die, I don't want to and I'd try survive. But I'm not going to be cowering behind a rock if a fire fight were to break out. It's not depression, I'd rather die like that at 25 years old, than live to 90 to know that I was a coward who didn't have the balls to join and serve.

What now? :|

I understand what you're saying. This is a challenge and I need to learn to adapt to this. I'm just not sure what to think... it's really confusing. Just tonnes of cognitive dissonance that probably turns into anger when I'm not sure what to even write here any more. I just don't f**king know.
I think it's very admirable to work towards the things you want, but... I just don't know where to go from here or what to do.


Live as normal a life as a civilian as you can. There is your grueling mental training. Take responsibility and work your issues out, and live a decent life. it won't be easy, that's were your mental toughness comes in. Use the civilian NT world as your mental training. Just because you cant get INTO the military, doesn't mean you can't do some of the stuff on your own, or find some ROTC folk to do it with.

If you want some truly challenging challenges, be happy without being in the military. Isn't that what the military training is about? being able to make it, regardless of the obstacle? Treat civilian life as if it was the military. You don't have to give up completely on that dream.

Anything else you enjoy? maybe you could treat a business job as the military ranking. Treat CEO as a top rank officer, and work to obtain that.

You have to treat your environment as you would like it to be. In your case, treat it as if the civilian world is in fact the military. But only you will be able to figure that out.

I plan on going into nursing. I treat everything like a human studies issue. I think like a health professional when I can. Someone says their foot hurts, I try to figure out why.

I wanted to go into personal training. That would be my ideal job, not nursing, not business, personal training. That's where I would be the happiest working. I have never made lower than a 90% on a practice test and I have taken over 10, with some of those test getting into chemistry and the cellular level of how things work. I never took classes for it, I studied that stuff on my free time because I enjoyed it so much. But guess what? I can't do it. I don't have the social skills for it. I don't have the charisma and talking ability to market myself and keep conversations going for hours on end. It bummed me out finding out I wouldn't be able to do it. But I couldn't dwell on it for the rest of my life. I HAD to find something else I could enjoy, even if it would never be personal training. If I did not, the rest of my life would suck, and I may get stuck doing something I would hate hate hate worse than if I were to get off my butt and find something else I could possibly enjoy. And I found nursing.

It sucks to not be able to do what you feel you are made for. But you can't stop your life because of it, and hate yourself because of it.

If your not able to get into therapy sessions, stay here. Ask around here how people deal with the issues. Ive actually found out a good bit about myself just by posting here. Camelidae can make you think about yourself. Shes helped me a good bit here. CTOA is a good person to talk to also. Just listen, read, ask questions and someone will be able to help you. You can't spend the rest of your life hating AS, or making excuses for not doing anything with your life. You can live a decent life with AS, it all depends on if your willing to do the work. And if your willing to go into military as a career, I don't see why you don't have the power to work on yourself and overcome this.

How are your socializing skills? You can likely teach classes over what you have learned. Maybe a personal trainer? teach boxing, wrestling, krav maga, Brazilian jujitsu? Your arrogant about your abilities, and I like it. Tell the military to ###$ off, and create your own path to utilize your abilities.

adapt your training you did to get into the military for something else.

I don't hate you, but I can't allow you to say things like " cleanse the planet". Quite a few people here are good people, and it upsets me that you would eradicate them because of something you were born with. I understand your angry, but if your willing to do something about it, we can move forward. I'm always open to give suggestions or help you out the best I can.

Confidence comes from within you. Nothing you do chances the feelings about yourself. If you have an elephant load of confidence because your a soldier, you had the confidence the whole time. you were just holding yourself back. military or not, If you would have the confidence in one, you should have it in the other.
This sloth doesn't understand the statement.
--Zausel, Camelidae requested.

"But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
-- Mark Twain
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Re: A year later.

Postby ljg666 » Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:16 pm

Quotidian, you've already achieved more than what many here will ever do despite being so young.

My guess is that you're setting the bar too high in trying to over-compensate for having AS. You achieve these [many] physical feats and then beat yourself up over why you aren't happy still. Its cliche, but true, that you can't deny what you are, but you don't have to let it define you - and you have already proven that in some ways.

Its my opinion that you won't be happy/content until you accept it. You may then be able to identify a profession that suits your skill set and your feelings of self worth will improve. You don't have to prove $#%^ to your father, its only through being made to feel that way as a kid that manifests itself as a psychological issues as an adult. Just be completely selfish in everything you do for however long it takes until you have some level of contentment.

Your existing military knowledge isn't worthless by the way, whilst a very competitive field, you could work as a military historian / writer / reporter on the subject, possibly a researcher of some sort. You could also consider private security work or looking at options for being a stunt-man if that floats your boat. I'm sure all these will sound "soft" in comparison to what you had planned but with the right mindset you might find a level of peace in whatever path you choose.

ps Would medical science / human anatomoy interest you as I'd imagine that AS wouldn't rule out being a military doctor / medic and still gets you close to the action. Just a thought though.
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