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Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

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Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Alana675 » Wed Feb 08, 2012 12:12 pm

Good morning everyone, my name is Alana,
I need advice and just don't know what to do. Truth is there is nothing I can do and that makes it worse. My boyfriend, who has aspergers is facing the possibility of losing his job as a social worker. He was suspended because of a paperwork error on a patient, and pending investigation he may be terminated from employment. This isn't the first time, he tells me that he has lost a couple of jobs over difficulty getting paperwork in on time and keeping information organized. He is a brilliant man, so compassionate and wonderful with the patients and families. In the business world, that means alot but in th end it is about the profit and doing it right ( I am a nurse, we work for the same hospice ). He is terribly disorganized, and I have watched him struggle at the end of pay week to get his paperwork together and in on time. It is hard enough for the rest of us, so I can't imagine how it is for him. I hate seeing him so depressed and my heart is breaking for him. My fear is that they will terminate his employment and he will fall into a terrible depression and lose his faith in himself. He has a 4 year old daughter that he is supporting and already has low self esteem. Thankfully he has a therapist that he sees weekly and so far he has not shut me out, I worry what will happen if they let him go at work. My other fear is that this is a cycle that will continue, with detrimental results for his future both mentally and financially. I love him with all of my heart, and he and I fit so well together, he is not only my boyfriend but my very best friend. Unfortunatley, that side of him that I love so much, is that part of him that causes him so much turmoil. I wouldn't change a thing about him but the working world doesn't see it that way. I really hate what he is going through. Please help.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby zausel » Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:59 pm

Sounds like he may need to find a job that doesn't involve a lot of paperwork. Maybe become a zookeeper, nurse or something. Not sure why he would get a paper pushing job after another if he knows he's going to fail at it....insanity. You wouldn't see me in a car shop, maybe he shouldn't be in a cubicle. Dunno how big of a town yall live in, but maybe it's time for him to start looking for a job outdoors, or at least doesn't require a whole lot of paperwork.

help remind him that he has a daughter, and if he gets to depressed she suffers too. If he won't stay strong for himself, he needs to stay strong for his daughter until he gets a new job, then he can do the grieving process.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Alana675 » Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:08 pm

Hello Zausel,
A job as a nurse??? I'm a nurse, been one for 20 + yrs. We nurses do tons of paperwork, who ever told you nurses don't do paperwork? LOL And a zoo keeper? Are you trying to be funny? This is serious to me, and mentally damaging to him. He is an intelligent man, and his self esteem is at stake here, he feels like a failure. He has a masters degree in social work, made it through 6 years at a University, so he is capable of excelling and being sucessful. He just needs structure. Do you have aspergers? I also beleive there are laws protecting people with documented disabilities. He has documentation from his psychiatrist, I am sure our employers will have to take his limitations in to account before they attempt to terminate his employment. He provides excellent care to our patients, it is only the paperwork that he has difficulty with.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Camelidae » Thu Feb 09, 2012 1:51 pm

Hi Alana,

I am sorry the two (three with his daughter) of you have to go through this, he is very fortunate to have such a supportive woman by his side.

I am not sure what advice to offer. If it is related to his AS as it sounds it is then chances are it will never go away because it is a result of how his brain is wired. ADD meds may or may not help (to a certain degree). I am not very knowledgeable in this regard but think getting informed and asking a mental health professional (I don´t know if the therapist he is currently seeing is also a psychiatrist) about it might be a good idea.

Is there a way of explaining his behaviour to whoever is in charge of doing the investigation so he won´t have to deal with the paperwork as much in the future (or not alone anyway), due to his AS?

How are things now? How are you coping yourself?

All the best to all of you.
The nurse I work with asked me to write down what I want. I want to recover from Borderline Personality Dirsorder.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Alana675 » Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:59 pm

Thankyou so much for your reply Camelidae,
He has been very depressed, telling me he is a failure and will never be able to succeed at anything. They have told him they are investigating his work and will let him know what the outcome will be with his job. So far we have heard nothing. He is on ritalin, Zoloft and another psych drug, I think Buspar and was formally diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers last year. He said he told one of our supervisors but never submitted any documentation to back that up. Legally can they fire him if he has a documented disability? His performance as a social worker is wonderful, the families and patients love him. It is the paperwork trail that gets him in a serious bind. His therapist is working on the legal aspect in the event that he is fired from work. I feel so lost and unable to help, there is nothing I can say to help. This all began when we got a new supervisor, he is a hard nose and very difficult to communicate with. Before that my boyfriend was getting by with warnings and able to keep up. He is such a wonderful man, no matter what the outcome I am standing by him. I just hope he doesn't shut me out if things go badly.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby zausel » Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:01 am

Alana675 wrote:Thankyou so much for your reply Camelidae,
He has been very depressed, telling me he is a failure and will never be able to succeed at anything. They have told him they are investigating his work and will let him know what the outcome will be with his job. So far we have heard nothing. He is on ritalin, Zoloft and another psych drug, I think Buspar and was formally diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers last year. He said he told one of our supervisors but never submitted any documentation to back that up. Legally can they fire him if he has a documented disability? His performance as a social worker is wonderful, the families and patients love him. It is the paperwork trail that gets him in a serious bind. His therapist is working on the legal aspect in the event that he is fired from work. I feel so lost and unable to help, there is nothing I can say to help. This all began when we got a new supervisor, he is a hard nose and very difficult to communicate with. Before that my boyfriend was getting by with warnings and able to keep up. He is such a wonderful man, no matter what the outcome I am standing by him. I just hope he doesn't shut me out if things go badly.
Alana


Heres the only thing that can POSSIBLY help him.

The law requires an employer to provide reasonable accommodation to an employee or job applicant with a disability, unless doing so would cause significant difficulty or expense for the employer ("undue hardship").

A reasonable accommodation is any change in the work environment (or in the way things are usually done) to help a person with a disability apply for a job, perform the duties of a job, or enjoy the benefits and privileges of employment.

Reasonable accommodation might include, for example, making the workplace accessible for wheelchair users or providing a reader or interpreter for someone who is blind or hearing impaired.

An employer doesn't have to provide an accommodation if doing so would cause undue hardship to the employer.

Undue hardship means that the accommodation would be too difficult or too expensive to provide, in light of the employer's size, financial resources, and the needs of the business. An employer may not refuse to provide an accommodation just because it involves some cost. An employer does not have to provide the exact accommodation the employee or job applicant wants. If more than one accommodation works, the employer may choose which one to provide.


Like I said, if hes costing the business more money than hes "worth"(I mean his business worth, is he an asset to the business or a cost? again, is his paperwork issue costing the business more than he is making them? not his self-worth or personal worth), he can be terminated without violating the disability act. Now, your only hope is to figure out if the business has tried to accommodate him. If they haven't, pull that card, if they have, I'm sorry, but he's bout screwed with his employer. How exactly is the business going to accommodate his issues with paperwork? Think about it, and pitch it to the employer. If there is no reasonable means of accommodating his issue with paperwork, I'm sorry but the Disability Act isn't going to save him.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Camelidae » Fri Feb 10, 2012 6:59 am

Hi Alana,

I personally had not been able to answer your question about him being fired if he is documented as having a disability. I was thinking of some of the advantages you can potentially get in school or at uni if you have AS when writing my last post. I think zausel covered that part already.

It is good you are standing by him, but also look after yourself now. Depression has a tendency to easily rub off on you if you get too involved or don´t have a good "support ystem" yourself and that´s not going to do anything for your situation.

I´m not sure what else to say, but if there is anything you´d like to talk about from time to time, this is the place to do so, so keep us updated if you like.

Again, all the best to you.
The nurse I work with asked me to write down what I want. I want to recover from Borderline Personality Dirsorder.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Alana675 » Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:47 am

Thankyou both for your replies.....
Cameledae, he did not tell them he has ADD or Aspergers, he only told one supervisor, but never put anything in writing or formally.

Zausel, thankyou for the information on the disability act. I am not making excuses for his lack of productivity with paperwork. I do not agree that he is costing the company more money, he does get the paperwork in, and had been doing better. The problem started when he put the wrong name on a form. I've done it myself, and it was as simple as re-submitting the form, we all see a number of patients in a day. His performance as a social worker has always been outstanding, and the patients and families love him. Our new manager is Indian, his verbal skills are poor and all of us are having a hard time interracting with him. There is more going on here than just the issues with paperwork, this new manager has no idea how to relate to people. Several on the team are considering leaving the company now.

Strangely, my boyfriend has been suspended since last Tuesday, I would think they would have let him go by now???? They told him they are investigating his work. The waiting alone is very difficult for him, he is working with his therapists for the legal aspect, as well as to have someone to talk to. That and I am glad he is able to express his feelings to me and know he can trust me for support. He is filing disability paperwork and preparing to submit documentation to our company if needed.

Anyway, thankyou for the information, and I will keep everyone posted. Alana
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby Camelidae » Mon Feb 13, 2012 2:27 pm

Good to hear that he is keeping himself busy and that he hasn´t shut you out.
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Re: Boyfriend with Aspergers facing losing his job

Postby zausel » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:47 am

Alana675 wrote:Thankyou both for your replies.....
Cameledae, he did not tell them he has ADD or Aspergers, he only told one supervisor, but never put anything in writing or formally.

Zausel, thankyou for the information on the disability act. I am not making excuses for his lack of productivity with paperwork. I do not agree that he is costing the company more money, he does get the paperwork in, and had been doing better. The problem started when he put the wrong name on a form. I've done it myself, and it was as simple as re-submitting the form, we all see a number of patients in a day. His performance as a social worker has always been outstanding, and the patients and families love him. Our new manager is Indian, his verbal skills are poor and all of us are having a hard time interracting with him. There is more going on here than just the issues with paperwork, this new manager has no idea how to relate to people. Several on the team are considering leaving the company now.

Strangely, my boyfriend has been suspended since last Tuesday, I would think they would have let him go by now???? They told him they are investigating his work. The waiting alone is very difficult for him, he is working with his therapists for the legal aspect, as well as to have someone to talk to. That and I am glad he is able to express his feelings to me and know he can trust me for support. He is filing disability paperwork and preparing to submit documentation to our company if needed.

Anyway, thankyou for the information, and I will keep everyone posted. Alana


please do.

Well, since I don't now the entire story of what's going on with him, I can't really give a prediction on how things MAY go regarding the disability act, but it's good to see him getting that stuff ready for when he will need it though. All he can do is present what he can and hope for the best. Time is money in business. Since I don't know the entire story or every fact I would need, all I can do is hypothesize, and say that by not getting paperwork in correctly when needed, he does cost the company more than getting it right the first time, due to time issues and possibly other factors depending on the exact scenario. Then again, this can all depend on if they have tried Incorporating a method of helping him.

But just keep up with him, keep his chin up, and don't let him slump to much. It is a rough situation. :mrgreen:
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