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Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

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Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby JesusFreak » Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:12 pm

No one will help us. My son who is a freshman in H.S. is struggling on a daily basis in all areas of his life. In 3rd grade I became aware of aspergers and was told that my son had many symptoms. I brought him to a pediatric neurologist who didn't give him an official dx, just said he had traits of aspergers. He has outgrown many of his behaviors or should I say has modified them.
However, because I don't have a dx, the school will not help him. I have been battling teachers, counselors, principles, social workers, etc. and no one will help. My son is very quiet, polite and kind. Most teachers don't even know he is in their classrooms.
Because he isn't disruptive or show any bad behaviors they don't believe he needs help. I don't trust doctors because I have been giving many different diagnoses for the same medical conditions in many different circumstances. Do I go to a therapist? A doctor? or a place like sylvan learning center? I don't know where to turn for help because I'm unsure of what is wrong. Here's a small glimpse of my son. Is extremely smart but is failing every class in school because he either, forgets to do homework, doesn't turn in his homework, says the teacher didn't give homework, doesn't complete assignments, won't ask for help. Has no friends, will not participate in any sports, team activities or any kind of activity at all. Is only interested in his world. Has a ton of sensory issues- doesn't like loud noises, clothes,picky eater, has poor hygiene because he doesn't like his head touched or body, doesn't really apply pressure when brushing teeth, I never know what he is talking about- it is always something off the wall, and never about what the rest of the family is talking about. Is mean to his sister? He used to flap when he got excited or nervous, still comes home from school and isolates himself in his room, and rubs his silky blanket on his face. Has no problem solving skills, has no interest in learning how to do anything, driving, chores, working, sports, friends, he is extremely slow in everything he does. It takes him forever to do everything. He will not communicate with me, everything is "i don't know or i forgot, or nothing'. But, he is capable of doing everything if he wants to. He doens't seem to have any desires or drive.Help
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby TNSe » Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:46 pm

You did not mention what country you come from, but my initial assumption was the US. We have quite a few people who post here who come from US and probably have some advice on how to seek help.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby JesusFreak » Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:54 pm

Yes, I am from Illinois, USA. I have a lot to say, but not enough space. I've been seeking help without any good results. At home, we are very organinzed and keep to a schedule. I just recently went to Kenya for 2 1/2 weeks on a missionn trip. Our home schedule and my constant reminders to my son were missing and it was really disruptive. I'm feeling like I am running out of time in getting him help. I'm not sure if he will be ready for a drivers license, a job, college, etc.? I just want him to be happy and comfortable in his own skin. I don't really care about grades, but I do care about him working to his potential and having pride and self esteem.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby Marv » Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:54 am

I had some of those problems and there is help but well, it's limited at best. I made many mistakes in getting help for myself and that led me to the mess I'm in now. Now, at 21 going on 22, I have no job, car, license, or nothing. I'm a college student who has some support with a mentor and college counselor but that's not really enough. Unfortunately, if there's no intervention now, later it will hurt. Now, I have no more insurance or income. I may have to apply for disability because of this and other problems and get my insurance back.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby christian223 » Fri Mar 11, 2011 2:44 pm

Try searching for psycologist or group specialized in Asperger Sindrome, not all psycologist will be able to help you, I have gone to psycologist in my past, but did not get a diagnose until I, by accident, came to the knowledge of Asperger Syndrome and then went to a psycologist specialized in it, from whom I got a diagnosis. I live in another country so I can't give specifics.

I personally did not get better at school until I found my motivation to make an effort, that is until I found a goal, a passion, which is learning to make video games, when I set that as a goal I started doing better at school, even with my asperger's syndrome, I still have problems with the social aspects of it thought, that's my biggest challenge.

Anyway, there are specifics treatements once you get the correct diagnosis, which will help him to deal better with his problems and be better at life. He is young so he has great chances to get better, I am 28 so I lost the chance to get better at an early age :/ (because I just got my diagnosis a like 1 month ago, and I'm begining my treatement), but no big deal.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby JesusFreak » Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:13 pm

Thank you for your replys. I have talked with my son and he is willing to talk to a psychologist. I have made 2 seperate apointments. I for him and 1 for me. I think I've been putting this off because I'm afraid of making it worse. My son already has low self esteem and often says things like, "what you think I'm stupid", "nobody likes me", etc. I didn't want to make that worse. But, now I see that he is struggling and I think he wants help. I'm hoping that this can give him hope. Any suggestions on how to be sensitive? Do's and Don'ts as a parent trying to help? I only have good intentions, but I know things don't turn out like we hope them to. I don't know how he is feeling or the struggles he is going through, so any advice or insight on getting him thru this initial appointment would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby Marv » Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:03 pm

JesusFreak wrote:Thank you for your replys. I have talked with my son and he is willing to talk to a psychologist. I have made 2 seperate apointments. I for him and 1 for me. I think I've been putting this off because I'm afraid of making it worse. My son already has low self esteem and often says things like, "what you think I'm stupid", "nobody likes me", etc. I didn't want to make that worse. But, now I see that he is struggling and I think he wants help. I'm hoping that this can give him hope. Any suggestions on how to be sensitive? Do's and Don'ts as a parent trying to help? I only have good intentions, but I know things don't turn out like we hope them to. I don't know how he is feeling or the struggles he is going through, so any advice or insight on getting him thru this initial appointment would be greatly appreciated.


I'm not a parent but you ma'am are doing the right thing and you shouldn't have to think nothing of it. I wish my mother was like you. She didn't care at all. That's one of the reasons I cited as to why things didn't go the way I wanted them to when I used my right's as an 18 year old in high school to get help. She either didn't take me some days or we went late or she came back late. As a result, nothing changed. The only thing that did was me going to college and that I did on my own. I didn't need my former counselor's help or their help. I still struggle with the issues now. I'm not really where I should be. I do have a mentor now as well as a counselor through the college but they sadly aren't in the know as to where I stand. Anyway, I'm sorry.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby busymom » Wed Apr 27, 2011 8:47 am

Have you tried a good developmental pediatrician? We also tried everything, which became mighty expensive and gave us many different answers. I believe developmental pediatricians use a more global approach. Just be aware of over-medicating, which is what our developmental pediatrician did. My child was on three different psychiatric medications, and finally a new psychiatrist took him off two of those.

This may be a good place to start. There is the "all kinds of minds" institute at University of North CAroline-Chapel hill. Perhaps they could make a recommendation to you in your area.

Best of luck.

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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby mamad » Thu Jun 16, 2011 6:29 pm

Gosh, I feel like we are all in the same boat. My son, also 15, is a quiet, shy, young man who doesn't like sports. Early years were obsessiveness with trains to the point where he acted like one, then moved on to a raptor dinosaur, and then Mario. He talked incessently when he would 2 and knew geometric shapes, numbers, letters and it grew from there. He laughed and smiled all time. Then around 3 1/2 to 4 he started to withdraw within himself. I could see it but I couldn't stop it. When he was upset he would wave his arms in the air. Or sometimes walk on his toes. Kids at school would tease him. His best friend had even teased him and held him down calling him "fly boy." It was difficult for Sam but he hit the kid right in the nose and got up and went to the office. I knew it was coming because Sam told me almost everything, especially about the kids at school. Never in my dreams did I think that I would have to say 'defend yourself if you are getting beaten up." From then he tried in school, even made honors in 5th grade. Sixth grade and seventh grade was on to a Magnet School. He became overly quiet. Couldn't stand the kids at school because they were loud and disrespectful to the teachers. The teasing continued along with him looking like Harry Poter didn't make it easy. New haircut was the next step. He didn't want to participate in sports though he could run like the wind. I would run with him sometimes. He was great. But he wouldn't do it for a school sport. The grades started to plummit. The isolation was beginning. Sometimes he would break down and say that he couldn't take it anymore. I took him to a pshychologist which became a diagnosis for ADD. I could understand as I am a member of that gang. He obsessed over video games and Pokemon and Mario Kart-never once playing a game that intailed blood and guts. He is now a freshman. He hardly has any friends. He is failing in school. Hard to believe that he never talks back or gives me a hard time about much. But now he says he's depressed and that life sucks. I took him to pshychiatrist and revealed that I think he has Aspergers. He hasn't done a thing except put him on meds for ADD and sees him once a month. His father left and remarried and had another boy last year. He doesn't spend much time with Sam anymore. Where do I go from here? Someone please help me.
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Re: Where do I find help for my 15 year old son?

Postby Marv » Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:27 pm

mamad wrote:Gosh, I feel like we are all in the same boat. My son, also 15, is a quiet, shy, young man who doesn't like sports. Early years were obsessiveness with trains to the point where he acted like one, then moved on to a raptor dinosaur, and then Mario. He talked incessently when he would 2 and knew geometric shapes, numbers, letters and it grew from there. He laughed and smiled all time. Then around 3 1/2 to 4 he started to withdraw within himself. I could see it but I couldn't stop it. When he was upset he would wave his arms in the air. Or sometimes walk on his toes. Kids at school would tease him. His best friend had even teased him and held him down calling him "fly boy." It was difficult for Sam but he hit the kid right in the nose and got up and went to the office. I knew it was coming because Sam told me almost everything, especially about the kids at school. Never in my dreams did I think that I would have to say 'defend yourself if you are getting beaten up." From then he tried in school, even made honors in 5th grade. Sixth grade and seventh grade was on to a Magnet School. He became overly quiet. Couldn't stand the kids at school because they were loud and disrespectful to the teachers. The teasing continued along with him looking like Harry Poter didn't make it easy. New haircut was the next step. He didn't want to participate in sports though he could run like the wind. I would run with him sometimes. He was great. But he wouldn't do it for a school sport. The grades started to plummit. The isolation was beginning. Sometimes he would break down and say that he couldn't take it anymore. I took him to a pshychologist which became a diagnosis for ADD. I could understand as I am a member of that gang. He obsessed over video games and Pokemon and Mario Kart-never once playing a game that intailed blood and guts. He is now a freshman. He hardly has any friends. He is failing in school. Hard to believe that he never talks back or gives me a hard time about much. But now he says he's depressed and that life sucks. I took him to pshychiatrist and revealed that I think he has Aspergers. He hasn't done a thing except put him on meds for ADD and sees him once a month. His father left and remarried and had another boy last year. He doesn't spend much time with Sam anymore. Where do I go from here? Someone please help me.


Sounds like my situation. My "father" is in prison for trafficking drugs and he has other kids beside me as well. Never seen them. My uncle claims he has but doesn't tell me much since we don't live in the same household no more. He lives in a motel. I don't care about my father one bit anyway. He's done nothing for me. That aside, I think that the meds should be stopped if they aren't working anymore and it appears he may not have ADD as well. Some people with Asperger's I know didn't or aren't doing well in school. I guess I'm a rare exception since I always kept my grades up and did my work. Most psychiatrists say it's something when it's not and may not be trained in the area to know about Asperger's. I had to tell several of my instructors about it on some occasions. I am a college student so it would make since to let them know. All I can say is, find someone that is to maybe get you on track.
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