Our partner

About looking people in the eyes?

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: TDT

About looking people in the eyes?

Postby CommanderShepard » Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:56 am

I apparently have Asperger's, but I'm not too sure. When I went to talk to this guy about feeling depressed, he asked a series of questions and eventually came to the conclusion that I had Asperger's.
Do you aspies have trouble with looking EVERYONE in the eye or are there same people that you can look in the eye without feeling uncomfortable?

This is one of the reason I have doubts about my Asperger's. I have trouble looking a lot of people in the eye, ESPECIALLY teachers when they are angry at me. But a weird thing is that I hate looking my own brother in the eye, so maybe it's random and not associated with family or not family.

I also feel uncomfortable when someone cries and will often turn away until someone else comforts the crying person.

And another question for you, up til' about your teens or maybe a bit before that, did you sleep under the blankets a lot? I did that because I was scared of being exposed when sleeping without the blankets on me.
CommanderShepard
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:49 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby Esomark » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:38 pm

I have the same deal too. Eye contact is overwhelming for me, even if it's with my family and friends. I've had this feeling since I was a little kid but why exactly it bothers me I don't really know. It feels like a flash light has been brandished in my face whenever it happens.

For the blankets question, are you saying you slept entirely under the blankets, including your head?
User avatar
Esomark
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:10 am
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby watching&waiting » Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:14 pm

I know it's not but most of the time I see it as some sort of personal attack if people are trying to make me look them in the eye.

it's not too hard to avoid it ime.

Some people I'm fine with though, if i'm comfortable around them and in a decent mood.

+ yes I do that, even in the summer.
This is not an inclusive list, but a list of those who are most likely to post
Kyle(17), Tyler(18) Greg(17) Morgan(14) Selena(13) Jason(12)
We are all people.
We will never be one, do not suggest to us we should integrate.
Or that we are objects. Or that we aren't real.
User avatar
watching&waiting
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 262
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:08 pm
Local time: Sun Oct 19, 2014 11:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby BlackMask » Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:47 pm

For me, eye contact is based a lot around how long I have known the person. If they're long-time friends or family, I feel a bit more comfortable making eye contact with them, though I probably still make less eye contact than normal. Most of them accept that. If I don't know someone very well, I don't make very much eye contact at all. A little bit, slightly more if I like the person.

It also seems to depend on what we're talking about. If it's a neutral topic or something I know a bit about (have some authority on), then I'll make more eye contact than if it's talking about emotions/feelings or about something I know nothing about.

Mood probably has some effect too, as I think I'm more sociable when happy/content.

If someone in authority is mad at me, I barely make eye contact at all, adopt a submissive position and all that.

I always think that looking into someone's eyes is like looking into someone's soul. Somehow, you can read what's going on with them by looking at the eyes. I don't like people to be able to read me.

I do find that I don't know how to react to, or feel uncomfortable with, other people's strong emotions. I will occassionally attempt to offer support, but that's mostly to make it stop.

I always slept near-completely under my blankets, with a small place for me to breath. Partly, it was due to a fear of monsters and partly, it had to do with light. I found that I had to be in complete darkness to sleep. Any little bit of light keeps me up, even today. I probably sleep almost the same way now as I did then, on my stomach with the cover pulled over most of me except my face (up to the ear).
We all wear masks, every day, every where. The difference is that I can't take mine off.
User avatar
BlackMask
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 381
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:49 am
Local time: Sun Oct 19, 2014 10:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby van vandervan » Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:40 am

In a ten minute conversation I may look someone in the eys for a total of 3 seconds. A lot of people here will say that it depends on whome it is they are talking to, the same is for me. Only I never hold eye contact for more then a second, with strangers it's few and further between, with people i know, it's more common.


As for sleeping under the blankets, it's the only way I can get to sleep. It's not a crazy thing to seek warmth, and being under the blankets completley seems to do it. When sleeping with others, it comes off as weird... To compensate during a duet, i sleep with the pillow over my head.
van vandervan
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 91
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:19 am
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby LFC 4ever » Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:17 am

Its a subconscious thing. It has taken me a conscious effort to realize that I hardly look at people in the eye when conversing or when they're talking. Its something that vexes my mom and sis in particular, and sometimes the former's like ''I am not going to talk with you if you don't let go of that book and look at me when I'm talking to u".......... lol.

Its not a big deal for me. Most people around me don't mind, some don't even take much of a notice to it. There are things about being an Aspie that are far worse than this quirk. And no, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't depend on who I'm talking to. As I said, its entirely a subconscious thingie, so even if there's any preference working in there I wouldn't know about it.

About the blanket thing, its a preference, not a compulsion. I like putting a blanket over me, or hugging a pillow when I'm sleeping, but its not a compulsion for me. I can make do without both.
LFC 4ever
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2010 4:53 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby watta » Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:29 am

For me, it is not a big deal as well. Actually I have realized that there is something like "looking people into eyes" vs. "don't looking people into eyes" only after I have discovered something like autism exists, so only after that I noticed other people usually constantly look into their eyes each other when they talk together. I hope this is probably no big deal also for others. It is possible that they construe some wrong assumptions because of that. But what you have to do to with it? ... Let them think what they want to think.

If you ask for differences on eye contact among familiar person and others, I don't see any difference there. But to tell the truth I can't imagine most of people to be so close part of my surrounding that I would be in that kind of so "intimate" contiguity with them as I am for example with my family members. It could be stressful for me. And the "hurt" of looking into eyes goes together with other anxiety and stress issue, so it is sometimes better, sometimes worse.
watta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:46 am
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby rebeckap » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:06 pm

I don't look ANYONE in the eye, usually. I went to an interview and had to FORCE myself to keep making eye contact. It was so hard for me to hold it. The whole time I was thinking "Look away, look away".

But after I was diagnosed with Aspergers, I started realizing I wasn't looking at people and it made me feel more awkward than actually looking at people. I knew the person I was talking to was looking at me, and I was looking away...

I still don't look at people, but now I'm aware of it, which makes things harder!
rebeckap
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:29 am
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby x2862 » Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:26 am

Funny you mention the eyes. I have usually do not look directly at peoples eyes. When I was younger about 11 or 12 I was into playboy and hustler. I would do as NT’s do and look at the girls and masturbate. I however was different in that I put black electrical tape over all the eyes. I could not stand seeing those eyes looking back at me. I get the same feeling when I am talking to someone and have to look them in the eye. For me its more of a stomach-turning-cringe-feeling.

I do not know if this is related to the whole look-eye thing, but I get that feeling when I am watching a movie for the second time and some awkward romantic or social scene is about to come. In those cases I just shut my eyes, put my hands over my ears, and hum. When the offending lines are passed I can calm down. I do find it rather amusing that I don’t cringe the first time through a movie. Perhaps I am caught off guard and it is over before you know it.

Currently I do not have as much of a problem with eyes. I still do find it hard to make eye contact in conversation. There always seems to be something more interesting to look at. Such as the holes in the ceiling tiles or the intricate patterns in the tiled floor.
If you use what you have got. You will not need what you have not.
User avatar
x2862
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:43 pm
Local time: Sun Oct 19, 2014 8:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: About looking people in the eyes?

Postby Simmyy » Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:40 am

The whole eye contact thing is bugging me out. It's like when I look into people's eye I feel like I'm swimming in a tank full of sharks. I think this is my worst symptom. Put a paper bag over your head, fine..we'll get along great. I don't want to see those things. I black out too sometimes when people make eye contact with me. Lovely.
We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
~Stephen R. Covey
User avatar
Simmyy
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:25 pm
Local time: Sun Oct 19, 2014 10:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: DeepThinks and 131 guests

cron