I have a similar situation.
My future stepson is 28 and has Asperger's and is bi-polar. His dad is also bi-polar and has OCD. His is most of the time well managed with medication (Zoloft and Lithium). The son however refuses to consider medication of any sort. He smokes pot (legally in California with his medical card). He is on SSI so does not make enough money to really live on his own. Living with room mates has also not worked for him.
He is highly intelligent and knows a lot about setting up and managing computer networks (he went to school for this) and massage and natural health practices (also went to school for this). His dad and I work from home and it has been a bit of an issue with him and his dad, since he kind of expects him to be able to play games and just hang out all day long when my fiance is trying to work, which feeds into his conditions of course and so he gets a tad snappy. This upsets my future stepson and makes him think no one loves him, which breaks my heart
. His dad also gets frustrated because as a person who coaches others in motivation and personal development, he can't seem to help his son move forward out of the rut he is in. Which leads to more friction.
Money is also an issue. My fiance has years of experience with finance and bookkeeping and accounting so he is very careful with money. His son however, has no concept of money which he freely admits to. He has a very small check to live on, and thinks nothing of spending 200 dollars on something in a month, To spend 40 bucks on a new glass pipe then leave it out and have it get ruined the same day he bought it. Stuff like that.
To top it off, my fiance lost his wife many years ago to death which had a profound influence on him and his son. The son has put up a wall and has trouble with letting people close which of course is exacerbated by his condition. Which leads to being more clingy with dad. For a while after the loss of his mom, the boy was in a group home setting. My fiance went into a massive depression after losing his first wife. I will be his second.
Now for my conditions lol. I have unipolar depression (no states of mania), 70% Blind, 80% Deaf, some neuro and ortho conditions which are similar to CP. I raised a son with CP and who was bi-polar. He passed away at 18 1/2 from a heart murmur that they mistakenly thought was benign. I have a lot of training in education of children with special needs as well as a strong background in Psychology from my own college education. I have helped a lot of children with special needs over the years, but I am kinda stumped here.
Any ideas on how to make the transitions smoother, to help him with learning to trust a woman who is not his mother but in a mother like role, and to reduce the friction tween him and his dad, plus of course help him with moving forward with his life to being as independent as possible without being homeless to boot.
Sorry for so long a post but there is a lot here and any help would be much appreciated. I want to do what is best for him because he is going to be my stepson, and I love him and of course love his dad very much.