Aspie going a bit crazy?

Sometimes it's also a case of others thinking that the phrase "an eye for an eye" works with good deeds between friends, and being accused of not "giving back" in the form of something or another can have a lasting effect, since like minds usually do associate. For example, it's not uncommon to find a group of undiagnosed Bipolar kids constantly chilling and killing time, there's no reason why a group of Aspie's are any different. In fact, It's not uncommon either to have the two types mingle, since many Aspie's will adapt an understanding of said Bipolar kid's over-reactions and smooth out the edges through logical deduction and the like.

Visconti wrote:Hi again

Since I have known he has AS so many things have become so much easier. But I still have a long way to go. What I have found is that I have an "epiphany" regarding him every few weeks. It's not like I understand everything all at once, nor is it like I am climbing a regular learning curve. It's more like nothing changes for a while and then suddenly one tiny piece of information throws a huge ray of light onto his behaviour and I take a massive step forward. It's like climbing a huge set of steps.

Regarding your friend, you say that he refuses to believe you have AS? Did he actually say that to you? Did he explain why?

I think your attitude regarding help is very similar to my friend's. In the beginning he was reluctant to ask for help, because he saw it as "bothering" me. When his girlfriend needed help, he would tell me that she was being selfish and demanding his time. I tried explaining to him that most men would consider helping their girlfriend one of the duties of being a boyfriend and do it gladly, but he didn't see it the same way. To him, asking for help is selfish. So, when I saw he was in trouble I had to make a big point of assuring him that it was my pleasure to help him. I explained repeatedly that a friend is happy to help another friend. I am not sure even now that he believes me. I think that he feels guilty that I help him. This is leading him to be a bit reluctant now to accept more help. The other side of this is that I think he gets wound up by the idea of helping me for two reasons, firstly he must think in the back of his mind that I am being selfish by asking him to help and secondly he feels he can't do anything useful for me anyway. Recently he has started asking his mum to do things for me instead of him, even to the extent of asking her to meet me instead of him meeting me! I had to laugh about that.

You say it doesn't cross your mind to call your friend. Well, that is probably the way my friend is too. But he is like that even when I spell it out to him that I'd like him to call. He apologises again and again for not calling, but he still never does.

Well, I think partly, maybe he'd rather not think that his best friend of however many years is a bit "wrong" in the head. But basically when I told him, he just wouldn't accept any of the examples I gave him as being valid. I guess part of the problem would be that even after all these years, he still only sees a part of the way I am. He only sees the stuff that I actually let out. So he doesn't see me talking to myself in my head all day long, he doesn't see how uncomfortable I feel if we go out to a pub or where ever, he doesn't see how hard it is just to maintain a conversation with someone (not him generally, but pretty much anyone else), etc. The things that go on only in my head that he doesn't know about. The things he does get to see, like for example my ridiculous attention to detail, he just attributes to me generally holding myself to high standards, rather than being a symptom of something else.

I sorta feel similarly about it being rude to ask for help, but only to a certain extent. My last gf for example, would ask for help in doing just about anything. Even the smallest, simplest task, that she could easily do herself. Where even sometimes, having another person involved just makes things more complicated and long-winded. That kind of thing I don't like. In my mind, it's just lazy and inconsiderate to ask someone to go out of their way to help with something you can easily do on your own. If someone does really need help though, or if help would just actually make things easier, then yeah, I'm more than happy to do what I can. And I guess when it comes to me doing things, if I can do it on my own, I'll just do it. If I could do with some help... I just work harder so I can do it on my own. Now that I think about it, the one time I can recall letting him help me with something, he basically forced his way in and didn't give me a choice. And as grateful as I am for the help... I still could have done it on my own.

And yeah, it's the same with me. Even if someone said they'd like me to call them for a change, it still isn't likely happen. Again, it just simply doesn't cross my mind. ALL of my gfs have had big problems with this. Hence why these days, I'm on my own.

StacksOfYaks wrote:My last gf for example, would ask for help in doing just about anything. Even the smallest, simplest task, that she could easily do herself.

Hi again

My guess is that she didn't really need help, but she used asking for help as an excuse to see you. This would be especially likely if she felt that you weren't seeing her/ calling her often enough.

Visconti wrote:

StacksOfYaks wrote:My last gf for example, would ask for help in doing just about anything. Even the smallest, simplest task, that she could easily do herself.

Hi again

My guess is that she didn't really need help, but she used asking for help as an excuse to see you. This would be especially likely if she felt that you weren't seeing her/ calling her often enough.

Well, it wouldn't even be a case of me having to go over there. She'd ask for help doing these ridiculously simple things when I was already over at her house. Her house being a good hour drive away from mine, mind you, and I would drive over there several times during week anyway, even if I could only stay for a couple of hours on some nights or whatever. And then I'd be over there every weekend too. It's not at all like we rarely saw each other. If anything, I hardly had any time to myself to do my own things, which didn't make things easy for me either.



But things like... she basically killed her laptop. It actually broke in half... monitor detatched. First time I've ever seen that happen, and really, you almost have to be trying to break a laptop like that. But, her family was never particularly well-off financially (not that I am either), and she was finishing her degree and looking at doing honours the following year. So I put a new laptop on one of my credit cards and gave that to her. A good $1100 or something I think I spent. It took just 3 months for her to kill that one too, through simple neglect in how she was using it. Every time I'd drive an hour over there to fix it, I'd tell her why it was screwing up and what not to do... and then next time I'd be over there, she'd be doing the exact same thing. Every single time. So every now and again I'd get a call or msg at 11pm or something, with her going hysterical coz the laptop wasn't working and she had an assignment due the next day or something. I'm sorry, but if someone gave me a brand new laptop, I'd treat the damn thing with a bit of respect. And having me drive for an hour to go over there (and then an hour back home afterwards) to fix problems that she is causing, despite me telling her what not to do... yeah, it didn't take long for that to really piss me off.

Wow, you have the patience of a saint. I couldn't cope with that. Or maybe I could have when I was younger, but not now. I no longer have the patience. Hysterical, needy people exhaust me. I never understand the need for their dramas.

Visconti - if you've been having some thoughts about what would happen if your Dad died - of course, those conversations in your head will have been helping you to deal with that inevitability - nothing wrong with being prepared (if in doubt, ask the Boy Scouts!")\

Oh yeah - and about talking to oneself - I do it all the time. When questioned about it I always have the "perfect" response:
"I do it because usually it's the only way I can get an intelligent conversation around here". (It works for me!)

Oops Visconti - maybe you weren't the person whose post I was trying to reply to - please accept apologies if needed.
(and I hope that SOMEBODY gets some help from my reply - I've sometimes felt guily re the "talking to self" replies even though I know that very few other replies would work.

Katzzz wrote:Visconti - if you've been having some thoughts about what would happen if your Dad died - of course, those conversations in your head will have been helping you to deal with that inevitability - nothing wrong with being prepared (if in doubt, ask the Boy Scouts!")\

Oh yeah - and about talking to oneself - I do it all the time. When questioned about it I always have the "perfect" response:
"I do it because usually it's the only way I can get an intelligent conversation around here". (It works for me!)

I do agree, that it's just my brain trying to be prepared for just about anything, and also that there's nothing wrong with it. If anything, I think it makes more sense than just blindly going through life, only dealing with things as they come up. Obviously we won't necessarily always happen to be prepared for everything, but we can try. It was just the mixing up of those thoughts with what the reality of the situation is that had me worried.

And yeah, I don't think anyone's really caught me properly talking to myself. I do it outside of my self-conversations too though, and I've had a few people question me. Usually I just pull out my pretend anger and say something like, "Well it's better than listening to your crap! ".

Katzzz, I think you have got me confused with someone else. No worries

StacksOfYaks wrote:I used to basically run entire hypothetical conversations and situations through my head. Well, I say used to, but I still do it pretty much all day long. The difference being that now when I get home from work, I have some of these conversations out loud too.

I do that too... however I don't mix it up with reality, at least, not that I know of...

I do it to sort and order my thoughts... since speaking is slower than thinking it forces me to have a clear line of reasoning and it makes it possible for me to listen to myself - and sometimes I get embarrassed about what I say or am about to say, and I think that's a great help to get some "junk" out of your system as well.

Unfortunately, I've gotten the odd stare or even scared some people when it happens outside of home (which unfortunately has become more frequent as I've grown older - I'm probably ending up like one of the crazy persons at the subway station yelling and snarling to myself... ;o)

Interestingly enough, as far as I've understood, talking out loud is actually more of an ADHD trait and me doing it was one reason I got the ADHD diagnose...

I also think (if I understood the psychiatrist correctly) talking out loud is a side of impulsiveness, I'm guessing the impulse to say your thoughts out loud being so strong you just have to follow it...

/E