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I just found out I have aspergers

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I just found out I have aspergers

Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:05 am

AS I just found out I have this, I thought I would write everything I know about it. How clinical. Hope it helps others. I really do.

43, male, self diagnosed. Almost all the clinical descriptions.

Someone today told me the main reason I am not getting promotions at work is I talk too much.

I have always heard this from people and this time I decided, in a boring blaze of fury to type in “I talk too much” in google.

I found the aspergers syndrome home page.

It was a shock. I have it super big time and never new it. I am 43.
Then the last few days interactions with others went through my head and I was completely embarrassed. It was like the end of the movie “The sixth sense’ when Bruce Willis suddenly realized he was dead and was looking back at the last few weeks with a new viewpoint and seeing clearly what he missed in real time.

Over the next few hours I realized all my perceptions of those around me were completely wrong. I started ‘watching others’ and listening for the first time in my life. And I am even more embarrassed by the way I am.

History as far as I know..

I developed speech very very late. My parents never thought I would speak. I think I was well into 3 years old before I uttered my first words. My Mom said I would just sit there and point and go ‘ugh ugh’ or some other noise to get my needs across.

My Mom was at a picnic and I walked up to here, I was almost 4, and said ‘Mine hands are dirty’ holding up my muddy hands. My Mom almost fell off the chair, it was the first time I ever spoke.

I was okay in school, but had many issues. In 4th grade I took a test called the CTBS (why do I remember that?) and even though they said to not just ‘color in the circles’ but also read the questions, I just colored them in.
Days later I was transferred to the ‘shop class’ version of 4th grade. But within a few weeks the teacher had me going to the 5th grade class for Math as I was a slam banger at it.

My grades, although I found everything easy to do, were mostly b’s and c’s.

I only remember bits and pieces of my childhood, even my teenager hood.
Math makes perfect sense to me, but English was always a tough course. It makes no sense, the rules are wrong.

My memories, the further I go back are foggier and foggier. Before age 7 I think I have only a few memories…Like maybe 12. I really have a complete blank before then. Almost a complete blank.

When I was 2, I was deathly sick. I was a fat baby and then diarrhea started in. They took me to specialists and had no clue. They thought I was going to die. Finally one doctor told them to take me off gluten since no other diagnosis worked at all. Gluten=grains (wheat, corn, etc).
After 6 months I was ‘healthy’ again.

I was 35 when I finally found out that grains were a big reason for many of my gastrointestinal issues that followed me my whole life. And nearly killed me at that age. I found this out from the internet as I lay there dying. I was only working 2 days a week. I laid in bed the rest of the days. Food went right through me. Finding out about the grains helped me.

I was in my 40s when I realized it was more than grains, it was also the junk they add to foods. I have been trying hard to stop the junk. The man made chemicals.

When I stop them I feel intense pain, headaches. Most of these center on the left side of my head. And last for days. All this from just not eating anything with man made chemicals.

The longest I ever went was about 4 months. In that time, I can say, it was the first time I ever felt alive. I actually did things and went out and saw people. Almost started dating.

I had speech problems. My dad used to force me to read the bible. Correctly. I would way things like Poon instead of spoon. I said ‘emerything’ instead of ‘everything’ until I was in my 30s. I never finished words right. I always said some words wrong. Some words I could rarely ever get right like entrepreneur ( I still cannot pronounce this right)..

I am easily caught up by the wonder of something ‘interesting’. Once I decide I want to learn about something, I learn all that I can. And then over time forget everything. I collect stuff for no apparent reason and eventually discard it.

I long for, yearn for, love. A companion. Other than an occaisional one nighter every year or two I have had only two girlfriends my whole life. One lasted a year and she was an alcoholic. A bad one. And she had another boyfriend. She only saw me a few times a week. It lasted less than a year. The second lasted ‘on and off’ for three years. She was bi-polar and I drove her into jealous crazes.

I basically have been alone. I get numbers from girls but after calling htem or one date I never hear from them again. Although I am terribly funny I realize maybe people are just laughing and saying intheir own mind “just go away;’. At work people are friendly but no one ever small talks me. Only when someone is in deep emotional trouble do they come to me to talk. I have very few friends as I do not know how to interact with them. They get fed up I guess after I always say ‘I cannot make it’ to offers for dinner and such.

My house is either very clean or very messy.

Even as I write this I am realizing how this has completely affected me my entire life. And I never had the perception to see what was really going on in conversations. Not really.

I try to look someone in the eye, but when I do I find it almost impossible to follow the conversation.
I always finish other’s sentences and go off on tangents.
I always talk about personal things to complete strangers.
It takes me a long time to explain a little thing.
I always seem to think I am teaching someone and they need to be taught.

Today I am deeply ashamed of myself. I am horrified at what I am and how I treat and act towards others. And I am alone.

I was always the one to call my friends to ‘keep up with them’. This year I decided not to call, just to make them call. No one has called. My caller id can hold 40 numbers. Today in april 1, and the numbers go back to November. Other than sales calls and family, there is no one calling me. Ever.

I do not want to be alone. I really do not know what to do in small talk. In an elevator or doc’s office I will make jokes. I think I am making everyone more comfortable with a room full of strangers by breaking the ice. After a lifetime of this I realize I could not stand the silence.

I actually hear and remember conversations better when I am talking when someone else is talking. I love jobs where I am doing 10 things at once, a real challenge.

Reading some of the essays from others that have this, I find the way they write is very easy to understand and it all makes sense. Perfect English.

Yet I realize as I write this, that normal people will find this confusing, bizarre, ‘all over the place’, and even non sensical.

What I would suggest for parents and adults is this method to try to cure this…..and it does work, I just cannot do it for more than a week or two without failing.

Only eat fruits, vegetables, meats/poultry and water. Nothing else. Stay away from any packaged foods or grains. Any meats must not be full of chemicals like ‘tenderlizer’. Artificial flavors are horrid for you.

When I do follow this diet, I go through days of headaches, non stop headaches. I get leg kicking, sleeplessness, incredible needs to sleep, a pain that starts in my head and moves down my body (back then kidneys, then legs. I consider this pain to be my brain healing from the effects of those man made chemicals.

IF I can make it to the end of a week, the ‘fog’ on my brain starts to lift. And it is a fog. I start doing daily routines without thinking about it (like cleaning the house. I start getting ‘things in order’ as far as paperwork and such. I TALK LESS. I make more sense.

Then I order a pizza and coke and go back in the cave.

You will not hurt yourself to try and use this for a week or two on your child or yourself.

Grains have been linked to autism for a long long itme. There is no question there.

I am so ashamed and embarrassed with myself. I feel like moving to some distant rural place and not seeing anyone I have known again. I am horrified that way I see things is so abnormal. Everything does make sense now. I understand why I have been alone my whole life. I understand why I do not have a wife, children, can never move up in a job, and even keep them sometimes. It is becoming crystal clear today for me.

I always thought I was the class clown. Now I realize I was always being laughed at, not with.

Classic Asperger’s comment:: “I feel like Neo from the Matix now, living in a false world my whole life.”
More: “you think maybe that is how the writer came up with the idea, maybe he has it too”

I feel lost.
found out 3-31-08
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Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:58 am

well, finding this site tonight...I had to take the tests....


rdos.net
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

results
Your neurodiversity (Aspie) score: 171 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie (neurodiverse)
Dyslexia 176 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Asperger/HFA/PDD 169 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) 163 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD 160 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Social phobia 146 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis



the OK cupid test was 32....


what a big day today for me. LOL..and no one to share my long story with but you my readers..
found out 3-31-08
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Postby radames » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:46 am

Hey mynameisbob, welcome to the forums. We are glad you have found us and we are able and willing to listen.
I took the test and found I was moreso neurotypical, but I don't really know how to use the multi-faceted circle where it shows Aspie, Neurotypical, Intellectual, and Physical. Do you know if there is an analysis of that graph somewhere?
Knowing me a bit more every day!
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Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:52 am

this is my first few hours on the subject. I do not know jack yet.

however, after reading the symptoms I believe I will know everything about it is 3...2....1.....
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Postby Chucky » Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:09 am

Hey,

That score of 171 is pretty high. I think the few times I took that test I got scores like 140 and 150. Were you officially diagnosed or do you just feel that Asperger's Syndrome describes you best? I think most of us here are unofficially diagnosed, including myself. It would be a good idea to hang around here though because the forum is very active!

Only eat fruits, vegetables, meats/poultry and water. Nothing else. Stay away from any packaged foods or grains. Any meats must not be full of chemicals like ‘tenderlizer’. Artificial flavors are horrid for you.

That is pretty much all that I eat too. I also drink herbal teas, such as Green, Oolong, and Earl Grey teas. What is your favourite fruit? I eat apples, pears, grapes, and kiwis only.

Anyway, take care,
Kevin.
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Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:19 am

Chucky wrote:Hey,

That score of 171 is pretty high. I think the few times I took that test I got scores like 140 and 150. Were you officially diagnosed or do you just feel that Asperger's Syndrome describes you best? I think most of us here are unofficially diagnosed, including myself. It would be a good idea to hang around here though because the forum is very active!

Kevin.


Self diagnose. As I look back I realize the food made me ill, or at least I think I am sure of it.
I did not talk until very very late. I mispeak a lot, cannot say words right, talk very fast. Do not stop talking.
Almost all the symtoms on the different sites match me word for word.

It all kinda makes sense now. I answered those questions very truthfully too.

Autism and autism like diseases are totally linked to grains and starting to get linked to man made chemicals.

I had serious reactions to grains at all ages.

I am always upset when I hear about autism treatments and not one had ever tried a true real food diet of no manmade chemicals.

I find after one month of eating a pure food diet there is a SUBSTANTIAL change in my abilities to do everything in my life. Substantial. Unfortunately all it takes is a little bit to get me to get a bit foggy..and then I binge.

However, now that I see some clinical signs of this, I think I have a new impetus to test this theory. I think I want to film it so people can actually see the change.

Anyone in south florida want to help, would be olbliged.
found out 3-31-08
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Postby Anonymous6162 » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:11 pm

welcome, bob. Try not to become obsessed with "having asperger's syndrome", a friend of mine was, she became very distressed because of this sometimes.

Social phobia 153 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD 152 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Asperger/HFA/PDD 147 Your diagnosis is very likely correct
ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) 121 You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
Dyslexia 55 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek

i think it's funny how these tests always seem to say i have adhd when i show no signs of it.
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Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:42 pm

Calum wrote:welcome, bob. Try not to become obsessed with "having asperger's syndrome", a friend of mine was, she became very distressed because of this sometimes.


The test I did for the heck of it. I don't trust or rely on them. I do however, see the symptoms. Heavily. And the grain issue is right on and makes sense.

The social interaction is incredibly detailed in the symptoms. An exact fit for the most part.

I am not obsessed with it, I am shocked..and this is leading to embarrassment. I see with hindsight how I act in public. I see why I like to stay home. I see so much and am already making a diligent effort to stop myself from just blurting out stuff all the time and just learning to listen.

And it has given me a renewed reason to try to fianlly stop the grains and food chemicals.

In the brain studies it is quite interesting that the parts of the brains they talk about are the ones that are the most painful when going cold turkey on the grains and chemicals.

To me, it kinda all makes sense. I knew from earlier tests that my IQ was affected measureable during times on and off grains and chemicals. My ability to handle stress was incredible when 'off'. I was quieter and more concise too, but I never realized how much til now.

This site rocks.


I do not know if I said this before...but reading others who have it, reading their stories is amazing.

And the coolest thing...? It appears the style of writing and grammer is so 'familliar' I feel I wrote it. It 'makes sense'.

I would love to read a book by a asperger. By the way.. I read some fiction when I was younger...but have always wanted to read 'real' books and stories and not fiction all the time. I own tons of biographies and tech manuals....'
lol

I firmly believe this is a chemical/grain related issue. The chemicals in our foods are specifically designed to affect brain cells for taste, hunger, and more. And grain has its own malabsortion issue that affects us in odd ways.

Clinically proven too. If anyone reads this and wants to try it, there is no harm in it. Just take a week off work, clean out your fridge and cupboards...and just drink water. Eat vegetables with no condiments,,,none...no oil, no vinegar...just crush tomotatoes if you have too. Also fruit. Add some meat or poultry.

Stay away from packaged items. Even shrimp at the supermarket has chemicals added to it (most come from bagged frozen packageing where they 'add' a chemical or two to it.)

Try it for one week. I guarnatee on day 7 you will feel better than you ever have. And days 1-6 will be a nightmare.

If days 2-5 are really bad, then you know you are on the right track. I guarantee you will hate life that week.
found out 3-31-08
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Postby Chucky » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:28 pm

mynameisbob wrote:I firmly believe this is a chemical/grain related issue. The chemicals in our foods are specifically designed to affect brain cells for taste, hunger, and more. And grain has its own malabsortion issue that affects us in odd ways.

I don't quite understand what you are saying here - can you clarify? From what I gather, you are implying that Asperger's is 'caused' by food? I feel that I have missed the point completely but I have read your posts through. THen again, my attention span is atrocious at times.

Another thing, how do you think your life would differ now if you had learned about Asperger's in, say, your early 20's?

Kevin.
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Postby mynameisbob » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:01 pm

Chucky wrote:I don't quite understand what you are saying here - can you clarify? From what I gather, you are implying that Asperger's is 'caused' by food? I feel that I have missed the point completely but I have read your posts through. THen again, my attention span is atrocious at times.

Another thing, how do you think your life would differ now if you had learned about Asperger's in, say, your early 20's?

Kevin.


A few years back, celiac disease emerged in the forefront of food allergies or food problems. This was based on protien strands in grains that cause your immune system to attack the grains in your intestines. This would flatten a lot of 'villi' that are used by your body to absorb vitamins, minerals, etc. (villi are like the fibers of a shag carpet).

As villi are flattened it causes food to slip by and not get absored as well. Each person is different in many ways regarding this, but the end result is a form of malabsorption. This causes deficiencies of certain materials your body needs to work right.

It is heavily linked to adult onset diabeties, autism, chrons, IBD, etc.. a ton of stuff.

Your brain works in many ways using balances of chemicals and reactions. If you are deficient of certain vitamins and such, your body, including your brain, can be adversely affected.

Think of it this way, every proces in your body requires many second, third, and even fourth processes to work in conjunction. Each of these processes is built by certain vitamins and such. If just one vitamin is really really deficient, a chain of processes can be affected.

ADHD is severely associated with celiacs.

Humans were not designed to eat grains. Grains are hard as a rock. We only have been eating them for 10,000 years, some cultures only a 1000 or so.

Next we go to the man made chemicals. Most are completely unknown to us, but they are all in our food. Some common ones are natural flavors, artificial flavors, aspartame, spices, and a dozen other common 'sweetner' names. Many colorings and tasting chemicals as well as perservatives are also added.

Many of these chemicals are designed to make something taste 'better'. The only way they can do that is to affect the brain. Sweetners go right to your brain, tell the brain cells to 'make sugar' and the cell makes sugar til it dies (long detailed story of how that works).

This is why you can get headaches from too much msg (another name for sweetners). It is due to a lot of brain cells dying, too much damage at once.

So everyday you are eating all these little drops of man made chemicals. Some just invented. Some made from charcoal and other weird things.

Now..lets talk about small amounts of things. A bee sting can kill a human if they are 'allergic'. Iodine, even a small amount from seafood, can kill someone who is allergic. These little bits of a natural chemical kill people quickly.

Now everyday you are taking literally 10 to 100 different chemicals. And have been almost everyday of your life. And you think there is no damage to your brain? Or that out of the 1000s of different chemicals you have been exposed to you are allergic to none of them?

The easiest way to see if for yourself is the three day test.

Start one morning ...lets say monday morning. From monday morning til thursday morning (3 full days, 72 hours) do the following.

1- drink only water, nothing else. Try to drink distilled or just pure water. No mineral water (more man made chemicals.)

2- Eat vegetables and fruits. Not from packages. No corn! No wheat! No spaghetti, no pasta no bread. All the veggies and fuits you can eat.

3- Eat meat that is clean of any additives. Really look at the label as you will see many with 'artificial flavoring' or some other junk in it. Poultry too. Stay away from fish as most of the ones in the supermarket are frozen and packaged with a chemical or two and then unfrozen and dispalyed as fresh by your grocer.

Do this for three measly days (heck the last part of the last day you will be sleeping- thursday morn.)

Write down how you feel sunday before you start and then from monday to thursday morn keep a journal of anything odd you feel, good or bad.

You will, just in this short time feel all sorts of stuff happening to you depending on how your body is dealing with everything (we are all different)

Then thrusday morning go back to your regular diet and keep the journal going that day AND friday.

Although it is only three days, you should feel strange things going on inside your body, brain, or in your moods or activities. Depends on you. You may get sleepy, fidgety, angry, upset stomachs, etc.

Fact is, if you even get any symtoms at all, good or bad, that should tell you something.

Now, how does this work with autism or aspergers. Almost every single disease deals with how your body or brain works. In this case, the brain. All these chemicals affect the brain. If you even feel the slightest headache that is called 'withdrawl pains' as your brain is dealing with healing itself. And trust me, a month of it and your brain will be different.

There is not one person I know that has tried this and not had a fundemental awakening of 'why I act that way'.

Problem is...the chemicals are so addictive, it is almost impossible to go three days, especially the first time. And that should scare you.

Also, if you do not come out of the womb with a disease, then you got it after birth. The only thing that affects your growing is the food and drink you ingest.

Just try it for three days, if you can. And then read your journal for that week. The older you are the more it hurts too.

My ex was bipolar. When she went on the diet the jealously stopped, the mood swings receded, she was happy all the time. Then we would eat a pizza and she would be crying the next day.

Try it out. Nothing can go wrong just eating food.

When I go without it, I feel less foggy, talk less, do more things, handle more stress and 'feel alive'. It is just hard to keep up, but I am trying.,
found out 3-31-08
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