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WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

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WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

Postby Hopesprings1 » Tue May 24, 2016 1:52 pm

We are in our 60's. When I met my boyfriend about a year ago my only concern was his quietness. There were so many other great qualities I decided I was okay with it. Here is what I see. He doesn't react.
I can tell him a funny story and there is no response or a one word answer. He does not engage in a normal back and forth conversation unless it is his specific interest, ie sailing, tennis or engineering. Even then is more a lecture. He has no curiosity about people or things unless it is the above. He doesn't ask anything about myself. He can be kind, generous, and is great with flowers. Very set in his ways and stubborn. Very smart. No interest in the world or politics. I am good at reading people and I haven't a clue what goes on in his head. The first 5 months I think that he must have been making a huge effort, now he is who he is. I am feeling very alone. I am an engager. What do you think? Thank you.
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Re: WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

Postby shock_the_monkey » Thu May 26, 2016 4:10 pm

i had a relationship with a woman that has schizophrenia. i bent over backwards trying to accommodate her mental health problems. all i got was badly hurt. don't make decisions based on what you think might be wrong with someone. make them based on who they are and how they treat you. if you aren't getting treated right, look elsewhere. it's really as simple as that.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

Postby Hopesprings1 » Thu May 26, 2016 6:43 pm

Thanks for the input. I don't tolerate not feeling good in a relationship, so I know where this one is headed. Ugh. Good luck to you!
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Re: WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

Postby shock_the_monkey » Fri May 27, 2016 11:26 am

for what it's worth, the key to good relations with someone on the spectrum, assuming he actually is as what you've written is by no means conclusive of that, is simply to verbalise what you want to communicate. don't expect him to pick-up on non-verbal communication. also, try to avoid extremes of emotion, as they tend to cause anxiety and confusion. if you want to try to keep this relationship going, you're going to have to try to get across to him what you want from him without making it sound like he's at fault or has some sort of mental deficiency.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
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Re: WONDERING IF MY PARTNER HAS ASPERGER'S

Postby Hopesprings1 » Fri May 27, 2016 3:23 pm

I agree. We have had several "talks". Or I should say I have talked. I have told him what I need and what is lacking for me. He thinks my perception is wrong. He can't be what he isn't, as I can't. The last thing I want to do is make him feel like he is mentally deficient. He is a smart, nice guy but when you get nothing back, no reactions, no engagement, no normal back and forth conversation....it gets old. As I said, I think initially he must have been making a herculeon effort while courting. Thanks for your insights!
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