Do I have aspergers (Please help)

I think I have autism/aspergers, it's the only explanation for why my reality is the way it is. I just desperately want to fix whatever ailment I have and live a normal life.

I've taken multiple aspergers tests online with honest answers (I even skewed my answers a bit to see if I just squeeked by and I didn't) but none of them say I have aspergers but it doesn't make sense because I have some major symptoms of aspergers.

1. I stim. I crack my neck and back or scratch my fingernails when I'm bored (which is nearly all the time).

2. I am never in the present moment and I'm much slower than everybody else cognitively (Even though I'm in the 99th percentile IQ wise.). I look and act like someone half my age, I have awful focus, and I have no energy. I also have a speech impediment and motor issues.

3. Being social is incredibly exhausting and tedious. I desperately want to have friends but at the same time I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I think I know how to talk to people; I understand the give and take of conversation and I can keep a conversation going but it all seems like a superficial waste of time and it's physically and mentally exhausting. I've always been alienated by people around me too though when I truly be myself as if my mind works to a rhythm foreign to the mass majority of people.

4. I'm an incredibly logical thinker. I see things in a very universal way, almost like I'm constantly playing a pre programmed puzzle game where the variables are always changing in a predictable way. I place extreme value in intellectual stimulation and reasoning.

5. Obsession. I'm extremely interested in just about everything from politics to neurology to astronomy, but certain things send me down the spiral of addictive obsession (video games, TV shows, drugs, relationships). Typically I have the default (special) interest of music. I spend anywhere from 8-12 hours a day teaching myself to compose, and it's all I truly care about (my family and my girlfriend pale in comparison to my passion for music). I do have a job that will allow me to continue this habit forever but it's disturbingly intense, my existence and meaning is based around my singular interest.

While i can relate to a few bits that you've written - i can't say whether you have aspergers/autism or not..
some of your symptoms fit but some of them are quite different to my experience of aspergers..

Have you had any medical issues that could explain things at all? did you ever have epilepsy or a brain injury or anything unusual?
Your cognitive difficulties along with your high IQ are not usual for people on nor off the spectrum so i'm just wondering if there's a medical cause for that at all..
fuzzy thinking (which is i believe what you're describing) is generally indicative of something different..
perhaps even dyslexia/dyspraxia/some mild brain damage/add/adhd/cerebral palsy

sorry - i'm not much help here i know - i think it would be a good idea to have a chat with your doc and see if they can help figure things out a bit for you.

Just as a quick note while i remember.. those tests are fairly decent for the most part so if you were on the spectrum then it's likely that they'd pick it up (i'm right at the end of the spectrum and they always say i'm very likely neurodiverse) - but, they're not 100% accurate any more than a screening test for dyslexia is 100% accurate.
I also have dyslexia but can pass a screening test without any issues - it's only the full test that shows my issues.
I think it would be really helpful for you to have a really thorough check by a professional xx

there's something quite odd here. your symptoms seem to indicate strongly that you have some form of ASD, however the tests you've done say otherwise. in my experience, such tests are usually fairly accurate. if anything, they probably over-diagnose, as people may over-emphasis their symptoms.

in terms of stimming, the alternative might be OCD.

in terms of energy, the alternative might be ME.

you might try a MBTI test. that could give you some clues as to your personality type. off the top of my head, INTJ and INTP tend to be associated with AS.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD (unmedicated due to heavy drug abuse) and anxiety and I do have family history of very OCD like behavior, but no autism. My tic's are often a result of feeling an invisible tension in which I need to strain my body to correct, I guess it may seem like self stimulatory on the surface but could this be a way of evening out more akin to OCD? I tested as an INFP on the MBTI test with a pretty good margin. I do also have great empathy for everyone around me and can usually put myself in other people's shoes very well. Does this still sound like a spectrum disorder?

ah.. the adhd and drug use could actually explain all of the symptoms..
There's a pretty large amount of overlap and some very similar symptoms between Apergers and ADHD

did you have the cognitive issues before taking the drugs? If so then the adhd could explain things - unmedicated adhd can cause huge concentration issues and be a nightmare when you're trying to think clearly.

Having loads of empathy for people is fairly standard for people on the spectrum.. (when we know what they're feeling) we do tend to lack the natural ability to put ourselves into other peoples shoes but we can learn..
Have you always been good at reading people and understanding how and why they feel the way they do or have you had to learn how to do this and you once weren't very good.?

I'm no expert so don't take this as anything other than a possibility.. it's certainly not a definite - but have you ever looked into tourettes at all? Your tics sound like they're possibly from that.. and tourettes is pretty common in people with spectrum disorders or adhd..
My stimming feels quite different to what you're describing - i stim to kind of ground myself.. it makes me feel more in my body and i feel less anxious/spacey when i stim. Physical sensation is comforting and helps me think clearly as well.
I guess what you describe could be linked to OCD but i'm not as familiar with that as i am with aspergers, adhd and tourettes so i can't do more than advise a wander over to the OCD section and seeing if others can relate over there..

seabreezeblue wrote:ah.. the adhd and drug use could actually explain all of the symptoms..
There's a pretty large amount of overlap and some very similar symptoms between Apergers and ADHD

did you have the cognitive issues before taking the drugs? If so then the adhd could explain things - unmedicated adhd can cause huge concentration issues and be a nightmare when you're trying to think clearly.

Having loads of empathy for people is fairly standard for people on the spectrum.. (when we know what they're feeling) we do tend to lack the natural ability to put ourselves into other peoples shoes but we can learn..
Have you always been good at reading people and understanding how and why they feel the way they do or have you had to learn how to do this and you once weren't very good.?

I'm no expert so don't take this as anything other than a possibility.. it's certainly not a definite - but have you ever looked into tourettes at all? Your tics sound like they're possibly from that.. and tourettes is pretty common in people with spectrum disorders or adhd..
My stimming feels quite different to what you're describing - i stim to kind of ground myself.. it makes me feel more in my body and i feel less anxious/spacey when i stim. Physical sensation is comforting and helps me think clearly as well.
I guess what you describe could be linked to OCD but i'm not as familiar with that as i am with aspergers, adhd and tourettes so i can't do more than advise a wander over to the OCD section and seeing if others can relate over there..

I've always been very good at reading people based on body langauage and demeanor. I think rather than being numb to social cues I experience them up a key. I've had these symptoms to varying degrees my whole life but I dealt with it for 3 years with heavy periods of ecstasy/psychedelic/stimulsnt/cannabis abuse (few near death overdoses). I went clean a few months ago but it's very depressing and stressful dealing with all these obsessive, toxic thought patterns. I alienate myself because it's too exhausting trying to be nal around others.

completely understand retreating from everyone because you can't manage to fit with them and suffer from exhaustion when you try.

I think rather than being numb to social cues I experience them up a key

This is my experience as well.. I have c-PTSD though so i'm hypervigilant because of that but there are a lot of people on the spectrum that also agree with the intense world theory.
in general there are two types of autie/aspie.. those who don't pick up anywhere near enough.. and those who pick up far too much. I'm one of the latter.