Hello,
I've come here to bounce my thoughts off of people who are knowledgeable and have experience with Asperger's syndrome. I've wondered this for a long time now and really don't know where to go from here. Some background:
Kids are grown...daughter is 22, son is 20 (son is the one in question)
Son has had many indications that lead me to believe he may have Asperger's but I've only just really started to think seriously about it now. If he has it, he would be high functioning and I think it would be fairly mild, yet there are just certain things about him that have always made some of our family relationships/dynamics difficult. Why am I pursuing this now? Because it seems more pervasive now that the kids are grown and making their own lives. My kids have always been very, very close and my daughter has always treasured her brother and been like a second mother to him (she was born an old soul). She is getting married soon and has a house. She is having a difficult time with how distant her brother seems and how reluctant he seems to be to engage with the family, her wedding plans, etc. He goes along with everything, but it just seems like he doesn't understand that these are special times that you embrace. Conversations don't seem to flow between them either. They have never had any negativity in their relationship, so it's not due to that. My son's dad also has always had a difficult time connecting with him despite so many efforts to engage with him, get involved in his sports, etc. Again, our family doesn't fight or argue, we've always talked but getting my son to engage in those heart to hearts has always been so difficult too.
I'm trying to keep this short, but recently my daughter was speaking with a friend who had 5 kids, several of which have aspergers (including the husband). When my daughter was talking about her brother, the woman seemed to identify. My daughter and I talked about this yesterday, and this woman's experiences and her identifying with this helped confirm my suspicions. Him being an adult now sort of complicates things, but it would be so nice for him to finally be understood. I have always felt like the only one in the family who really gets him and looking back at my own life, experiences and issues, I strongly suspect I may even have Asperger's. There's so much more I could say, but I'll conclude with a list of reasons I think he may have Asperger's and I'd love feedback from those of you with definitive experiences with this. I know many of these things are things experienced by the general public, but it just seems to me that all together they create a picture that is not at all like someone in the general public. Here goes:
Signs that make me think….
• Holding food in mouth as toddler…wouldn’t swallow it never understood why...outgrew this
• Afraid of distant sound of trains as a toddler...took us a while to figure this out as we never noticed the train whistles...would wake him even at night
• Obsessed with pet lizards at age 9
• Had other obsessions over years…beyblades, anything like a ball that is round or bounces, collecting marbles, later on, playing football, now is heavy into bodybuilding and life revolves completely around that…all or nothing no matter what the obsession
• Talked fairly late…2ish…speech therapy in school for small impediments
• Odd ideas/thoughts…as a child was convinced that dream were real, teaching dog math, played two way checkers with virtual pets but he made moves for both sides, thoughts and wonderings that most people don't verbalize such as existential matters, philosophical matters, etc…
• Always had difficulty reading social cues and adjusting actions to suit who was around (less of an issue now as he seems to just withdraw but not in a depressive way...just seems easier for him
• Kind of a weird kid...very quirky (would describe a word as a colour, saved a certain shaped potato chip as the special one to eat last, etc..) and rigid with routines (going to do my homework at 8:15 and it would be on the dot, decides on a plan of action for tasks and would not veer off of it, specific ritual before every football game, etc..) especially as he got older
• Crying fits as a toddler for no apparent reason...grew out of this but was disturbing
• Weak fine motor skills…difficulty cutting, clumsy, yet athletic and good in sports
• Sometimes seems not to care because tends to isolate self from rest of family (more now)
• Difficulty making friends as a child….always had one friend, was bullied and shrugged it off well even though he was capable of defending self
• Very small circle of friends as a teen/adult
• Hesitates to commit to planned events (now)
• Strict diet and routine strong reluctance to veer for any reason (due to bodybuilding lifestyle but this runs his life..two hours in the gym is planned, then it's no more, no less, very black and white
• Seems emotionally absent with family or just very guarded yet we've always been so open
• Obsessed with school work when in school and works obsessively
• Judgemental of others, lack of tolerance for difference
• Speaks out of turn without realizing someone was talking (since childhood and even now)
• Unaware of others and how he may affect them in things he says or does (but is not mean)
• Difficult for family to really know him and feel he’s engaged…more as he gets older
• Doesn’t bend and is usually focused on needs of self rather than others not seeming to realize this hurts those close to him (again, many indications that he does care, but seems oblivious)
Sorry for the length, but would love some input. As a mother, I just want my kids to stay close and if my daughter can feel she can understand him and know he cares deep down, she may be able to stop hurting and feeling that they are drifting apart.