Is it possible to have Asperger's and no Meltddowns?

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to ask: Is it possible to have Asperger's syndrome, but never have had any kind of meltdown or burst out?
I have been seriously considering that there is a high change that I have a mild form ofAsperger's. Reading the symptoms, taking quizzes, and contacting people on this forum that belief has been getting more serious.

At the moment, I'm making arrangements to have myself diagnosed. But I'm actually scared of the diagnose (what if I'm NOT an Aspie? that would be quite hard for me to handle, actually, as Asperger's was the answer to so many questions in my life, and so many oddities in my behaviour). And that's why, before I go, I want to be able to prepare myself mentally for either possibility of the diagnose, and I want to know the chances that I will get diagnosed with this or not.

But, there is one big thing that makes me think I may not have Asperger's:
I'm very calm. Extremely calm. Unnaturally calm, even. I never lash out in anger, or do anything impulsively, be it out of anger or happiness. I don't yell at people, or at things. I don't hit things. I don't do anything more than smiling if I get a happy news, no matter how surprising or important it is. I don't have any kind of explosive or implosive crysis (except when my girlfriend [the only person really close to me] yells at me - if she yells at me I usually just become completely silent, and avoid looking at her face/having her see my face, but if the situation requires it [eg: she's crying] I am able to face her, hug her, and everything to make her feel better, although with GREAT effort and will).


I don't remember having experienced what is described as a "meltdown". Situations that make me extremely nervous are quite rare, but the closes thing to a meltdown I remember is:
I work at a very relaxed place, where there isn't actually a defined chain of command. My group is just 6 workmates that decide everything together, with 1 that acts as a leader/boss just because he has the skills to do it.
When at work, I had to (orders from my boss) face a stranger and ask for a favour, even though they had already said that they would not make that favour again because it was against the rules, and I had previously stated that I wouldn't ask for it again. I said that I would do what was necessary to do it the right way, by the rules, withouth asking favours.
And after that I had to go and ask for that favour again.
That time (times, it actually happened 2 or 3 times more), after or before facing them I would go to a bathroom and lock myself in, and just wait for some minutes until I could calm myself and prepare myself to go out. Not cry, not scream, just a bit of hugging myself and be desperated on the inside.
And then the stress. When I knew I had to do it again, I would be very stressed for days before that moment came.

But that happened quite recently, and I don't remember that ever happening before, or anything similar.

I have too much control of my actions, I'm not impulsive at all. I can't be impulsive. Everything I do is decided beforehand. Even locking myself in the bathroom: I decided to go there because I was too nervous, and anxious, and other similar emotions. But I had the will to go to that bathroom (about 50 meters and a building away from where I was, I work at a very big place), and planned to stay there until I was calm. I just have too much control to be able to have a real "meltdown".

So, can it still be Asperger's? Are meltdowns very frequent in people with Asperger's, or are they just "reserved" for the most serious cases?

I would really appreciate your replies,

~Secret~

meltdowns aren't, as far as i'm aware, a part of the diagnostic criteria for AS. the lack of emotional responsiveness that you describe is, however, very common. meltdowns are more associated with classic autism.

but i think there is a more important issue here. a diagnosis can be quite arbitrary. AS is a syndrome. the symptoms are quite diverse. it just isn't possible to draw a neat line in the sand in terms of who has it and who doesn't. as such, by far the most important aspect of having an awareness of AS is to be able to appreciate one's limitations and how to make the most of them. whether you get diagnosed or not doesn't make a jot of difference to that.

I've always had meltdowns. It's odd because I don't like drawing attention. But when they happen, they draw attention.

So yes, I have them. And more when my anxiety is higher than the usual amount. They involve crying. Normally I only cry when I'm really happy, rather than when I'm sad. But in a mini meltdown I may cry. If I don't cry, then I may whinge, or even shout. These tend to happen mostly around sensory issues. Especially noise (bass, banging, diy, screeching, smoke alarms). But also light (being too bright) and repetitive movement of other people in my vicinity can cause it. I get anxiety about these sensory issues because I end up getting migraines, which are no fun at all.

If I have a really bad meltdown I can go neurotic then (that involves catastrophizing), sometimes paranoid. i don't like that. I'm not naturally paranoid at all. I will give myself a slap round the face figuratively speaking when that happens. Actually remembering breathing exercises from maternity classes helps because in that situation I forget to breath.

I can also lose my temper occasionally. It doesn't happen often. Mild temper comes from someone (a stranger) sitting or standing too close to me. I hate that, especially if they actually touch. Plus inconsideration and injustice. Temper then simmers. On rare occasions it can really go. So that's not a meltdown, that's a complete loss of temper and patience and I can go almost psychotic then. Luckily those are very rare occurrences. And usually when I'm around a specific type of person, so I try my best to not be around them. I think I'm allergic to them.

Meltdowns aren't even part of the diagnostic criteria. So yes, you can have Aspergers and no meltdowns. You can have Aspergers and still not have all of the given traits. If there were any one single trait that absolutely defined Aspergers, then diagnosis would be easy. But there is no one trait, everyone has a mix of certain trait but a lack of others. So diagnosis can be spotty sometimes. I also do not have meltdowns, at least not as an adult. I'm more the cold and calculating type. If I'm having issues then I can systemize the absolute ###$ out of them, because systemizing is what autists can do best, but a meltdown just wouldn't happen. It's not in my nature, and not in my particular expression of autism.

Okey, thank you for the replies, everyone.
I'll answer a bit individually:

shock_the_monkey:
I think a lot differently than you do. In my case, getting to know my limitations and how to make the most of them is quite irrelevant. I don't really care about that.
But, on the other hand, the diagnose is VERY important to me. That's because what I want are answers, i want to know.
What to do I can figure out by myself. I'm just too thick-headed to want help there.
I just want to ask someone who knows a lot about the issue (the psychiatrist) to give me answers, to tell me that I have this, or that I don't.
But if I don't, I will have to look for answers elsewhere, and I have already spent many, many years looking for my answers. And this is the closest I have ever been of getting them, so it would be very discouraging to have to start all over... And I know that there isn't a definite, 100% sure way to confirm if I have it, and even some professionals may think differently... That's why I'm scared of actually facing the diagnose.

EarlyMorning:
Thank you for your diffeernt views on the topic. This makes me realize that, while on the same branch/syndrome, manifestation of symptoms can be VERY different. Asperger's seems to actually be a very wide spectrum, actually.

nprkntlny:
I can say my case is somewhat similar to yours, so it makes me feel a bit more secure.

-----

On my case, I'm just too functional. I can work and study and everything else, and can even do it with other people (although I prefer not to). Assuming I have it, I believe it's quite a mild expression of the syndrome.

What about "sensory overload"? What is it exactly?
In my case, I am quite sensitive to strong lights, they really hurt in the eye. A very deep pain, like it's almost on the brain itself.
Also, I hate hot weather, I can't handle it, I can't cool down. It affects me physically and mentally if I have to spend a while (~1 hour or more) somewhere hot. I feel exhausted, I have no energy left afterwards.
And that's why I HATE the sun. It's bright, and it's hot. If I, for some reason, have to spend a while in the sun, almost always I tend to feel exhausted, and even sick. I just want to go to my room and lay in the bed, in the dark. I need to "recharge" after being under the sun. I feel terrible, and have absolutely no energy left...

But that's as close as it gets for me. I don't think it can be considered "sensory overload", although I don't quite get the concept.
So, what can you tell me about it?

~Secret~

In my case, I am quite sensitive to strong lights, they really hurt in the eye. A very deep pain, like it's almost on the brain itself.

Photo-phobia perhaps?

when a former work colleague and friend told me that his wife thought i had AS, i really wasn't that convinced. even after i read up about it on-line i still wasn't that convinced. then i came across a book in a charity shop by barbara jacobs entitled 'loving mr spock', which was about AS. just out of curiosity i bought it. after reading it i found i could relate to a lot of what the author was saying about her relationship with her boyfriend, danny (i think). after that, the more i read the more i realised how well the symptoms of AS made sense of my experiences of life. i now have no doubt whatsoever that i have autistic traits. some are worse than others. my empathy is actually fairly good, for example. my stimming is actually worse than i could ever have imagined. as such, it really wouldn't matter to me what anyone else said about whether i have AS or not. i have my answer.

It's definitely possible to have aspergers without having meltdowns..
but.. those aspies that don't experience meltdowns, usually go into shutdown instead..

a meltdown is where the stress is thrown out externally and everyone can see it.. the person isn't capable of rational thought..
a shutdown is where the stress floods internally and the person literally shuts down.. rational thought is not possible here either and dissociation is common (well.. there's a bit of rational thought for me but i can't respond to it)

I go into shutdown mode.. I have a blog post about it somewhere - i'll find it for you and you can see if you can relate to it.
It discusses a little bit about sensory overload and how it made me feel a lot worse on an already dodgy day..
blog/seabreezeblue/bad_aspie_day.._b-7030.html
xx

lol at the "cup of tea" in your blog Sea. I understand that one all too well.

re: meltdowns, I've always been of the thought that it's better out than in, so perhaps that's why. I do not do well if I bottle things up and I'm not naturally that way. However my mother and my daughter both are. I'm a talker so naturally things come out.

As for shutdowns, I seem to not do that from how you describe. But I do do "freeze". As in the fight/flight response.

When I'm feeling my usual self, my response will be fight.

I very rarely flight. I think I may have done twice in my entire life that I can recall.

But if it's not fight it will be freeze. Freeze comes in when whatever is happening is completely out of my control and my brain can find no way to think of to regain the control.

I think this is the major cause of my current bout of agoraphobia actually. My freeze is almost catatonic at it's worst.

i do shutdown and at my worst i can go virtually catatonic. whether that's AS or depression is difficult to say. i've always tended to think the latter.