Asperger's syndrome and never having a girlfriend.

I'm gonna be 20 in two days and I've never had a date or girlfriend. My whole family had anxiety and I also suffer from OCD from time to time.

The thing is I respect women a lot and give them loads of compliments but then I keep following them and talking to them as friends expecting them to give me a hint that she wants a relationship. I usually try to talk to her alone. Because when she is with her friends, they'll be like "Stop creeping her out!"

Any advice?

yes: stop wanting what you're not getting and then you might actually get it. no one likes desperation. so, relax. focus on friendship. and if that happens to lead to something more, good luck!!!

Most of my friends are girls and I can't tell if they are taken or not. Every day when I talk to a girl I think of it as a battle. In other words, if I don't talk to her in an acceptable way, I get nervous and I can't rid myself of that feeling.

I'm more desperate than a kamikaze. Anyone will do.

girls that are friends often lead to girlfriends. and if you're not sure, you can always ask. it has been known to work, occasionally. as for desperation, i've already covered that. it's one of the least attractive qualities imaginable. my guess is that you're failing on the 'romantic gestures' front. flowers, boxes of chocolates, trips to the cinema and meals out: all of these things help to set the scene, without being too direct. and if you don't think they're romantically interested in you, can you imagine how they view your romantic interest in them?!!! i think you need to up your game considerably here. compliment, by the way, are also a good indication of intent. so, if you fancy a girl, resort to a little flattery!!!

Danny1994 wrote:Most of my friends are girls and I can't tell if they are taken or not. Every day when I talk to a girl I think of it as a battle. In other words, if I don't talk to her in an acceptable way, I get nervous and I can't rid myself of that feeling.

Since you are young and I assume the girls you are hanging out with are also young,it isn't too likely that these girls are in serious relationships.So treat them all as possible candidates and as shock suggested try upping your game as far as displaying romantic interest.If you do your part,you will find out pretty quickly if a woman is or isn't interested.

Danny1994 wrote:I'm gonna be 20 in two days and I've never had a date or girlfriend. My whole family had anxiety and I also suffer from OCD from time to time.

The thing is I respect women a lot and give them loads of compliments but then I keep following them and talking to them as friends expecting them to give me a hint that she wants a relationship. I usually try to talk to her alone. Because when she is with her friends, they'll be like "Stop creeping her out!"

Any advice?

Women don't date guys based on receiving compliments or being respected. Also, being their friend doesn't lead anywhere else if they don't find you attractive.

shock_the_monkey wrote:girls that are friends often lead to girlfriends. and if you're not sure, you can always ask. it has been known to work, occasionally. as for desperation, i've already covered that. it's one of the least attractive qualities imaginable. my guess is that you're failing on the 'romantic gestures' front. flowers, boxes of chocolates, trips to the cinema and meals out: all of these things help to set the scene, without being too direct. and if you don't think they're romantically interested in you, can you imagine how they view your romantic interest in them?!!! i think you need to up your game considerably here. compliment, by the way, are also a good indication of intent. so, if you fancy a girl, resort to a little flattery!!!

Girls that are friends don't lead to being your girlfriends at all if they don't find you attractive. He's not failing on the romantic gestures front, he's failing to understand that without receiving signals from the women that they desire him sexually he's wasting his time. Women let men know if they are interested in them and much of that is transmitted by body language, eye contact, and through conversation.

KevinG31 wrote:Women don't date guys based on receiving compliments or being respected.

... they prefer to be insulted and abused??? i don't think so!!!

KevinG31 wrote:Also, being their friend doesn't lead anywhere else if they don't find you attractive.

... not being their friend doesn't lead anywhere at all, even if they do find you attractive.

-- Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:47 am --

KevinG31 wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:Girls that are friends don't lead to being your girlfriends at all if they don't find you attractive. He's not failing on the romantic gestures front, he's failing to understand that without receiving signals from the women that they desire him sexually he's wasting his time. Women let men know if they are interested in them and much of that is transmitted by body language, eye contact, and through conversation.

... i don't doubt that those that are capable of reading such signs are able to use them to their advantage. but if you happen to be someone that can't, you need a way to make your intentions clear, and thereby get a clear response to those intentions. something which you appear to have completely overlooked!!!

shock_the_monkey wrote:

KevinG31 wrote:Women don't date guys based on receiving compliments or being respected.

... they prefer to be insulted and abused??? i don't think so!!!

KevinG31 wrote:Also, being their friend doesn't lead anywhere else if they don't find you attractive.

... not being their friend doesn't lead anywhere at all, even if they do find you attractive.

There is a middle ground between compliments and insults, it isn't all or nothing. Sexual attraction isn't triggered by compliments. Women also couldn't care less if he respects them or not, respect doesn't turn anyone on. Good looking guys who present themselves as confident winners don't have to bother with any friendship stage at all, they don't require a trojan horse scheme to get what they want. From the very beginning he's showering these women with unnecessary compliments and in the process he's coming across as desperate and lacking in personal power. He doesn't understand that flirting isn't just throwing yourselves at women telling them how wonderful they are. He also doesn't understand that if they really desire him sexually they would show it by their actions, it is a two-way street. It sounds like he's completely unable to see when they aren't interested.

-- Mon Apr 14, 2014 3:06 am --

shock_the_monkey wrote:

KevinG31 wrote:Women don't date guys based on receiving compliments or being respected.

... they prefer to be insulted and abused??? i don't think so!!!

KevinG31 wrote:Also, being their friend doesn't lead anywhere else if they don't find you attractive.

... not being their friend doesn't lead anywhere at all, even if they do find you attractive.

-- Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:47 am --

KevinG31 wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:Girls that are friends don't lead to being your girlfriends at all if they don't find you attractive. He's not failing on the romantic gestures front, he's failing to understand that without receiving signals from the women that they desire him sexually he's wasting his time. Women let men know if they are interested in them and much of that is transmitted by body language, eye contact, and through conversation.

... i don't doubt that those that are capable of reading such signs are able to use them to their advantage. but if you happen to be someone that can't, you need a way to make your intentions clear, and thereby get a clear response to those intentions. something which you appear to have completely overlooked!!!

He isn't making his intentions clear, he's playing a trojan horse friend scheme on girls who obviously don't find him attractive. He could save himself and them a lot of trouble by picking up on the fact very early on that they don't want what he's after. Imagine you are those girls, this guy is making a pest of himself and he keeps lingering around and following them and these girls haven't been interested in romance with him from day one. It took me years to learn about body language communication, I remember the first time I figured out that a girl was interested in me because she touched my shoulder, women do things like that if they want you. I guarantee that a large part of why he's failing is that he hasn't learned body language. If a woman isn't giving you the right body language responses you could be their friend for 50 years and they still wouldn't want sex from you.