Aspie Pregnant by a Narcissist

Initially looking forward to an abortion = good argument for adoption...
The logic is sound...

But people can validly change their mind/life-view while they are going through emotional turmoil or their circumstances change...

Monkey, I understand your need to verify/maintain/defend your integrity/logic/reasoning, but sometimes you have to cop one on the chin because the other person is hurting...

While I don't think the OP will be coming back, perhaps it is time to change from logic mode to sympathetic understanding mode...

shock_the_monkey wrote:i should add, if you already know what you want, don't say things like ...

Mishra2012 wrote:I don't know what to do.

... and if you want the child, don't say things like ...

Mishra2012 wrote:It took so long for my insurance to kick in and by time it did I could already feel the baby moving inside of me and abortion was off the table.

I was looking forward to abortion but too much time passed and here I am.

... and, finally, if you're not linking the father's suspected narcissism with your desire to have sought an abortion, don't go on about it when you've already decided to leave him, as you did here, because if he's out of your life, it doesn't really matter what he is ... other than the traits the child might inherit from him ...

Mishra2012 wrote:I plan to move next month or so (without the father) and wish to raise the baby on my own.

I've seen how manipulative he is with his son and ex, took her to court for equal rights..and only sees the kid when convenient for him. He also plans to move out of the USA once he is given US citizenship. There is so much I can say about him/this situation.

I had plans to move on from him right when 2014 started but I found out I was pregnant in dec 2013 and my plan were barely held together.

I don't know for sure that he is a narcissist but he has a lot of the traits.

Maybe he's just a manipulative, deceitful, dishonest, self centered person and not a narc...

... because if you do these things, people are very likely to take them at face value.

Sh3ld0n wrote:Monkey, I understand your need to verify/maintain/defend your integrity/logic/reasoning, but sometimes you have to cop one on the chin because the other person is hurting...

While I don't think the OP will be coming back, perhaps it is time to change from logic mode to sympathetic understanding mode...

Sh3ld0n, i tell you this in all honesty: i skimmed what Mishra2012 had to say by way of critique of my post, because she certainly wasn't taking any prisoners. and if i had done the same in response, i absolutely assure you that she wouldn't be coming back. as much as possible, people have to take responsibility for their own lives. and Mishra2012 is a classic example of someone who would rather seek the pity of others than address their own problems themselves. and when you tell such people this, albeit inadvertently and in a very roundabout way, they turn around and bite you for your trouble. and you're NOT supposed to bite them back??? ... i don't think so!!!

scepticalblahblah wrote:

I said NOTHING about the baby being a narc

^ did someone say you did..? (I didn't)..

Okay, so no adoption = good for you.. i'm liking the defensiveness from you as well.. you're reacting how a mother should do


Presumably you were asking for advice on what to do with your ex more than the baby then..

my advice is to deal with your ex through the courts system and see if you can get supervised contact sorted out..
Keep all correspondence from him and most definitely keep a record of any threatening behaviour..

If you are made to allow him to come round and see the child then make sure you have someone there with you.


Ps.. i'm a single mum - no bias from here and i do believe in the integrity of shock_the_monkey in his(presuming male..?) reply..



last point.. this next link is to a site where they deal purely with people that have been hurt by a narcissist - some great advice over there.. might be worth a look for you

http://www.lisaescott.com/

thank you

-- Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:23 pm --

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Sh3ld0n wrote:Monkey, I understand your need to verify/maintain/defend your integrity/logic/reasoning, but sometimes you have to cop one on the chin because the other person is hurting...

While I don't think the OP will be coming back, perhaps it is time to change from logic mode to sympathetic understanding mode...

Sh3ld0n, i tell you this in all honesty: i skimmed what Mishra2012 had to say by way of critique of my post, because she certainly wasn't taking any prisoners. and if i had done the same in response, i absolutely assure you that she wouldn't be coming back. as much as possible, people have to take responsibility for their own lives. and Mishra2012 is a classic example of someone who would rather seek the pity of others than address their own problems themselves. and when you tell such people this, albeit inadvertently and in a very roundabout way, they turn around and bite you for your trouble. and you're NOT supposed to bite them back??? ... i don't think so!!!

Like you said skimmed. Your "logic" was flawed and you have a problem with admitting that. ASSumptions aren't so great.

-- Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:26 pm --

Sh3ld0n wrote:Initially looking forward to an abortion = good argument for adoption...
The logic is sound...

But people can validly change their mind/life-view while they are going through emotional turmoil or their circumstances change...

Only by making assumptions in that direction. Many women that contemplate abortion keep their children. If I said in my post that I did not want to parent then suggesting abortion would be logical.

Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.

Mishra2012 wrote:I don't know what to do. It took so long for my insurance to kick in and by time it did I could already feel the baby moving inside of me and abortion was off the table. I plan to move next month or so (without the father) and wish to raise the baby on my own. I've seen how manipulative he is with his son and ex, took her to court for equal rights..and only sees the kid when convenient for him. He also plans to move out of the USA once he is given US citizenship. There is so much I can say about him/this situation.

I didn't think I could even have children. I had plans to move on from him right when 2014 started but I found out I was pregnant in dec 2013 and my plan were barely held together. I was looking forward to abortion but too much time passed and here I am.

I don't know for sure that he is a narcissist but he has a lot of the traits. I'm miserable and have been miserable for too long. Maybe he's just a manipulative, deceitful, dishonest, self centered person and not a narc...

Is this the first post in this thread? It seems confusing.

Mishra2012 wrote:Like you said skimmed. Your "logic" was flawed and you have a problem with admitting that. ASSumptions aren't so great.

... i got the gist well enough of where you were coming from. and my logic wasn't flawed. i offered my opinion based on what YOU wrote. it isn't my fault if that was full of mis-direction. something which YOU clearly have a problem admitting - probably because really it wasn't.

Mishra2012 wrote:Many women that contemplate abortion keep their children. If I said in my post that I did not want to parent then suggesting abortion would be logical.

... you said very clearly twice that the reason you didn't have an abortion was that you ran out of time. that isn't consistent with you now changing your mind. therefore, as Sh3ld0n wrote, suggesting adoption was indeed unarguably logical, whether you accept that or not. and you didn't need to say you didn't want to parent when you'd already made it clear that you would have had an abortion but for running out of time, which is again unarguable.

Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.

... that's because YOU are one!!!

and it never ceases to amaze me the ingratitude of people that you give your time and effort to in order to try to help them and, instead of the slightest bit of gratitude, what you get is a lot of poison and malice. and the other thing i've come to realise is that those people that are ultra-critical of others are in reality themselves no better. so, when they say things like how deceitful and manipulative someone else is, chances are they're really talking about themselves.

anyway, i'm done. you've painted a very clear picture of yourself here. and you're simply not deserving of any more of my time and effort.

Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.

While I am sympathetic with the added difficulty you face with the prospect of being a single mother, you do seem to be overly defensive, imo...

From my perspective, you aren't thinking particularly clearly and seem to be lashing out presumably in part as a result of emotional distress and confusion.

Call this arrogance/insolence, but if you research Asperger's Syndrome in depth you will discover males in particular tend to be extremely logical in nature at the expense of organic/inherent empathy, not through design, but as a result of our neurological differences.

It is clear to me that Shock the Monkey's intentions were "honourable"...and so were mine...
Unfortunately we on the autistic spectrum tend to have what has been called "mind blindness" which makes it more difficult for us to understand the emotional aspect/state of others, hence, producing a seemingly unsympathetic, arrogant and/or insolent attitude...

This culture/emotion shock is quite common and too many people "walk" away from this forum in anger and confusion.

I think we as a high functioning autistic group/micro-society need to learn from these "failures to communicate" so it doesn't happen again..and again...and again...

Mishra2012, I am offering you an "olive branch" in an attempt to engineer a degree of conciliation.
That is all I can do...<shrug>

the picture that Mishra2012 clearly painted in her initial post was of not wanting her child and effectively being saddled with the child through circumstance rather than choice. naturally, this presents as a problem necessitating solution. however, it became very clear that Mishra2012 was never interested in such potential solutions. but that hardly excuses her open hostility. candidly, i hope she's made the right decision in choosing to raise her child herself, because i personally still doubt that she's really thought this through at all dispassionately, and i genuinely believe that she ought to have given far more consideration to my suggestion of seeking counselling, whatever decision she ultimately reached, because i do feel there is anger and resentment in her responses that reflect her attitude towards this child, and these clearly need addressing sooner rather than later.

Sh3ld0n wrote:

Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.

While I am sympathetic with the added difficulty you face with the prospect of being a single mother, you do seem to be overly defensive, imo...

From my perspective, you aren't thinking particularly clearly and seem to be lashing out presumably in part as a result of emotional distress and confusion.

Call this arrogance/insolence, but if you research Asperger's Syndrome in depth you will discover males in particular tend to be extremely logical in nature at the expense of organic/inherent empathy, not through design, but as a result of our neurological differences.

It is clear to me that Shock the Monkey's intentions were "honourable"...and so were mine...
Unfortunately we on the autistic spectrum tend to have what has been called "mind blindness" which makes it more difficult for us to understand the emotional aspect/state of others, hence, producing a seemingly unsympathetic, arrogant and/or insolent attitude...

This culture/emotion shock is quite common and too many people "walk" away from this forum in anger and confusion.

I think we as a high functioning autistic group/micro-society need to learn from these "failures to communicate" so it doesn't happen again..and again...and again...

Mishra2012, I am offering you an "olive branch" in an attempt to engineer a degree of conciliation.
That is all I can do...<shrug>

Too many people use their "asperger's" status as a means to essentially sh*t talk claim victory over an argument they didn't win, etc. It does NOT make your OPINIONS superior. If someone is so attached to their opinions maybe responding to others is a bad idea. It is a bad idea. Your response is condescending(and you know it) and intended to be dismissive of my intellect and intent of my post. Sorry I am highly intelligent and rational/logical believe it or not. I do not view my opinions as the end all be all (especially when about someone else) just because of whatever I think I posses that makes me superior(in my mind).

Being delusional isn't healthy. I'm assuming you're male too. Good you guys are sticking together just like on other sites. LOL People leave because too many people feel deprived in real life, bitter so they come to the net to "show" people their "great value". Sad, really.