Initially looking forward to an abortion = good argument for adoption...
The logic is sound...
But people can validly change their mind/life-view while they are going through emotional turmoil or their circumstances change...
shock_the_monkey wrote:i should add, if you already know what you want, don't say things like ...Mishra2012 wrote:I don't know what to do.
... and if you want the child, don't say things like ...Mishra2012 wrote:It took so long for my insurance to kick in and by time it did I could already feel the baby moving inside of me and abortion was off the table.
I was looking forward to abortion but too much time passed and here I am.
... and, finally, if you're not linking the father's suspected narcissism with your desire to have sought an abortion, don't go on about it when you've already decided to leave him, as you did here, because if he's out of your life, it doesn't really matter what he is ... other than the traits the child might inherit from him ...Mishra2012 wrote:I plan to move next month or so (without the father) and wish to raise the baby on my own.
I've seen how manipulative he is with his son and ex, took her to court for equal rights..and only sees the kid when convenient for him. He also plans to move out of the USA once he is given US citizenship. There is so much I can say about him/this situation.
I had plans to move on from him right when 2014 started but I found out I was pregnant in dec 2013 and my plan were barely held together.
I don't know for sure that he is a narcissist but he has a lot of the traits.
Maybe he's just a manipulative, deceitful, dishonest, self centered person and not a narc...
... because if you do these things, people are very likely to take them at face value.
Sh3ld0n wrote:Monkey, I understand your need to verify/maintain/defend your integrity/logic/reasoning, but sometimes you have to cop one on the chin because the other person is hurting...
While I don't think the OP will be coming back, perhaps it is time to change from logic mode to sympathetic understanding mode...
scepticalblahblah wrote:I said NOTHING about the baby being a narc
^ did someone say you did..? (I didn't)..
Okay, so no adoption = good for you.. i'm liking the defensiveness from you as well.. you're reacting how a mother should do
Presumably you were asking for advice on what to do with your ex more than the baby then..
my advice is to deal with your ex through the courts system and see if you can get supervised contact sorted out..
Keep all correspondence from him and most definitely keep a record of any threatening behaviour..
If you are made to allow him to come round and see the child then make sure you have someone there with you.
Ps.. i'm a single mum - no bias from here and i do believe in the integrity of shock_the_monkey in his(presuming male..?) reply..
last point.. this next link is to a site where they deal purely with people that have been hurt by a narcissist - some great advice over there.. might be worth a look for you
http://www.lisaescott.com/
shock_the_monkey wrote:Sh3ld0n wrote:Monkey, I understand your need to verify/maintain/defend your integrity/logic/reasoning, but sometimes you have to cop one on the chin because the other person is hurting...
While I don't think the OP will be coming back, perhaps it is time to change from logic mode to sympathetic understanding mode...
Sh3ld0n, i tell you this in all honesty: i skimmed what Mishra2012 had to say by way of critique of my post, because she certainly wasn't taking any prisoners. and if i had done the same in response, i absolutely assure you that she wouldn't be coming back. as much as possible, people have to take responsibility for their own lives. and Mishra2012 is a classic example of someone who would rather seek the pity of others than address their own problems themselves. and when you tell such people this, albeit inadvertently and in a very roundabout way, they turn around and bite you for your trouble. and you're NOT supposed to bite them back??? ... i don't think so!!!
Sh3ld0n wrote:Initially looking forward to an abortion = good argument for adoption...
The logic is sound...
But people can validly change their mind/life-view while they are going through emotional turmoil or their circumstances change...
Mishra2012 wrote:I don't know what to do. It took so long for my insurance to kick in and by time it did I could already feel the baby moving inside of me and abortion was off the table. I plan to move next month or so (without the father) and wish to raise the baby on my own. I've seen how manipulative he is with his son and ex, took her to court for equal rights..and only sees the kid when convenient for him. He also plans to move out of the USA once he is given US citizenship. There is so much I can say about him/this situation.
I didn't think I could even have children. I had plans to move on from him right when 2014 started but I found out I was pregnant in dec 2013 and my plan were barely held together. I was looking forward to abortion but too much time passed and here I am.
I don't know for sure that he is a narcissist but he has a lot of the traits. I'm miserable and have been miserable for too long. Maybe he's just a manipulative, deceitful, dishonest, self centered person and not a narc...
Mishra2012 wrote:Like you said skimmed. Your "logic" was flawed and you have a problem with admitting that. ASSumptions aren't so great.
Mishra2012 wrote:Many women that contemplate abortion keep their children. If I said in my post that I did not want to parent then suggesting abortion would be logical.
Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.
Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.
Sh3ld0n wrote:Mishra2012 wrote:Arrogant/insolent people on the internet don't scare me.
While I am sympathetic with the added difficulty you face with the prospect of being a single mother, you do seem to be overly defensive, imo...
From my perspective, you aren't thinking particularly clearly and seem to be lashing out presumably in part as a result of emotional distress and confusion.
Call this arrogance/insolence, but if you research Asperger's Syndrome in depth you will discover males in particular tend to be extremely logical in nature at the expense of organic/inherent empathy, not through design, but as a result of our neurological differences.
It is clear to me that Shock the Monkey's intentions were "honourable"...and so were mine...
Unfortunately we on the autistic spectrum tend to have what has been called "mind blindness" which makes it more difficult for us to understand the emotional aspect/state of others, hence, producing a seemingly unsympathetic, arrogant and/or insolent attitude...
This culture/emotion shock is quite common and too many people "walk" away from this forum in anger and confusion.
I think we as a high functioning autistic group/micro-society need to learn from these "failures to communicate" so it doesn't happen again..and again...and again...
Mishra2012, I am offering you an "olive branch" in an attempt to engineer a degree of conciliation.
That is all I can do...<shrug>
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