crazy_cat wrote:Hello Purple,
I'm glad you mentioned that you are 19, otherwise my response to you may have been different because of you saying social anxiety is just a fear one needs to get over, plus the sex with a prostitute thing. SAD is a horrible condition that you can't just "get over", it's not simply stage fright, if you don't have it then you really can't understand. I've had it for 28 years and it has gotten better but I also don't put myself in anxiety provoking situations. When I was your age it was at it's worst, between 13 and 20 years old, you can't imagine what it's like being a teenage girl (yes I'm a girl) with this disorder, struggling to fit in and wanting to be the center of attention at the same time not wanting anyone to see you, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
With the drinking, yes, I was a heavy drinker the last couple years of high school, it made the anxiety go away, it also caused me to miss a lot of school and barely graduate and worry my mother to death. I don't self medicate at this point and have no urge to.
I was married, have a daughter and am about to be a grandmother. Actually, I lost my virginity when I was 17 thanks to the heavy drinking I was doing at the time, I don't even remember it but, my boyfriend at the time continued to expect sex from me after that night. We didn't stay together long. I had an incredible sex life with the man who would become my husband and father of my child, we had great chemistry, though I could never initiate sex and often had to have a couple drinks. I'm also uncomfortable with affection and am jealous about how easily my ex shows it to our daughter, i can't even say "I love you" unless my husband said it first and I responded "love you too". I've only said it once to my daughter, I'm just sooo uncomfortable with it. I remember when she was born and my husband held her for the first time, he kissed her head, I thought how odd that was and told myself that that is what parents do, that I could do that - it was a bit of a revelation for me. I'm not as close to my daughter as I would like to be and that's my fault, because of these problems I have. I try to show I love her by doing as much as I can for her.