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Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relationship?

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Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relationship?

Postby fadedface » Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:48 pm

I have Asperger's syndrome and I have never had a girlfriend, been in a relationship or even ever had a friend who was female.

I am unable to socially interact with women because I am socially awkward.

What gets me though is that women with Asperger's syndrome will have more opportunity to have a relationship than a man with Asperger's because men are always competing for women and even if the woman has no social skills there is still a chance she will be approached by males.

Men on the other hand are expected to make the first move with women and women only notice confident alpha males.

A quiet socially awkward male like me who has Asperger's and no confidence will be condemned to being single for ever. But women with Asperger's have a chance this isn't fair.

I know this might be a slight generalisation but it definitely has some basis in truth.
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby Sh3ld0n » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:09 am

Yes, it is easier for women for various reasons...

No offense, but saying "it isn't fair" simply makes you sound very young... ;)
Life's a bitch, then you marry one... and then you die... :mrgreen:
You just have to make the best of it with what you got...<shrug>

My best advice is to get to know people in you home state on the internet first...
And/or find a woman on the autistic spectrum via interest groups in your area.
Someone who is aware of what it means to be autistic probably would be a good choice as a partner because of mutual insight.
**********************
The implied qualifier is probably "tendency" if not otherwise stated...
I don't generalise in the classic sense...
My default MO is to think in terms of probabilities/improbabilities...
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby Sponge » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:13 am

fadedface,
I think there is a truth in your post. It depends in what country people live though. If muslim countries - then absolutely yes. Women there don't decide much. With AS or without who cares there? Parents choose a husband for daughters. Though, is it good for girls? I'd say I'd rather choose to be single whole my life than to be with someone I don't like. It is not fair.

If we will talk about Russia, well... 1 man against 10 women. Men choose! More social and brave girls get a men, shy girls probably have less chances. It is not fair to have less men here! :cry:

fadedface wrote:But women with Asperger's have a chance this isn't fair.


Women get menstruation, is it fair?!! :P

You have the same chances as NT men and AS women. In love we ALL have the same chances!
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby madjoe » Fri Apr 26, 2013 4:05 pm

perhaps look for a girle that is like you?
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby shock_the_monkey » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:20 pm

fadedface wrote:I have Asperger's syndrome and I have never had a girlfriend, been in a relationship or even ever had a friend who was female.

i've had a number of women friends and, by and large, if you're not a prospecitve suitor, they soon loose interest in you. in that respect there isn't actually much difference between the sexes. it's just that women are perhaps less obvious about their motives than men.

fadedface wrote:I am unable to socially interact with women because I am socially awkward.

try a few 'grass hoppers' (TBBT ref here)!!!

fadedface wrote:What gets me though is that women with Asperger's syndrome will have more opportunity to have a relationship than a man with Asperger's because men are always competing for women and even if the woman has no social skills there is still a chance she will be approached by males.

perhaps. perhaps not. there are plenty of other factors. for example, women are expected by men to be attractive and demure too. and women also go for men that are wealthy, irrespective of their attractiveness or social skills. it's by no means as simple as you suggest.

fadedface wrote:Men on the other hand are expected to make the first move with women and women only notice confident alpha males.

again: perhaps. perhaps not. not all women are passive and not all women like the 'alpha male' type either.

fadedface wrote:A quiet socially awkward male like me who has Asperger's and no confidence will be condemned to being single for ever. But women with Asperger's have a chance this isn't fair.

if you do nothing about this, you could well be right!!! and who ever said life was fair. i knew someone who had a first class joint homours degree, had a very well paid job working for a large international company ... and got killed in a car crash in their mid 20s. by comparison, i doubt you have much to really complain about.

fadedface wrote:I know this might be a slight generalisation but it definitely has some basis in truth.

life is what you make of it within the circumstances you find yourself (C). stop blaming life and start changing your circumstances!!!
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby slugger » Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:50 pm

Short answer to whether aspie girls have it easier when it comes to finding romantic relationships? In my experience and opinion, most definitely! Typically the onus in on the guy to do the pursuing, now granted I was in high school about 30 years ago and I honestly don't know how much has changed, but at least back then this was the case.

Before I got married I never had any troubles finding a guy to either date or just be friends with.... In fact I have had several "just friends" relationships with guys over my life that lasted for a long time and never turned into anything more. On the flip side though, finding girls to be friends with was always VERY difficult for me. I had ZERO friends up until middle school (7th and 8th) when I got one single friend who was out sick as much as she was at school and then she eventually dumped me for "not being there for her". I had a friend high school, and ended up making several male friends (just friends) and actually managed to have FUN in my junior year!

For me personally, my conclusion is that NT females are harder for aspies to connect with than NT males. Whether it's for friends or more than that.
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. ~Albert Einstein

It is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ~Ghandi
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby madjoe » Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:40 am

problebe has to do with the fact that most ppl think men should take the lead in relationships (make the 1st move?)
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby e-lizabeth » Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:32 am

OP, if you are looking for a girlfriend, then try, try and try again. Depending on what you like to do/your idea of a date just say "Would you like to [have coffee/dinner/ice cream/go to the beach] with me sometime?" Then be prepared to set a date with an alternate date in mind, in case she isn't available at the initially suggested time. Make sure to cover place, time and how you will get there [meet/you pick her up/she picks you up]. Then say, "Ok, lets exchange numbers".
All you have to do is speak the first line.
A sociopathic man I once had a relationship with had no fear of rejection, his philosophy: "I always have a 50/50 chance, they either say yes or no" And DO NOT STOP at the first rejection.
Please do try!
Good luck
e-lizabeth *loves* daisies
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby Sh3ld0n » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:37 pm

slugger wrote:Before I got married I never had any troubles finding a guy to either date


I am not surprised....
BTW, I have dibs and I am next in line...
Yes I have said this before...
Just reminding people... :mrgreen:
**********************
The implied qualifier is probably "tendency" if not otherwise stated...
I don't generalise in the classic sense...
My default MO is to think in terms of probabilities/improbabilities...
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Re: Do women with Asperger's have more chance of a relations

Postby Sh3ld0n » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:57 pm

e-lizabeth wrote:OP, if you are looking for a girlfriend, then try, try and try again. Depending on what you like to do/your idea of a date just say "Would you like to [have coffee/dinner/ice cream/go to the beach] with me sometime?" Then be prepared to set a date with an alternate date in mind, in case she isn't available at the initially suggested time. Make sure to cover place, time and how you will get there [meet/you pick her up/she picks you up]. Then say, "Ok, lets exchange numbers".
All you have to do is speak the first line.
A sociopathic man I once had a relationship with had no fear of rejection, his philosophy: "I always have a 50/50 chance, they either say yes or no" And DO NOT STOP at the first rejection.
Please do try!
Good luck


I really do think getting to know the person over the internet first is a better bet for those on the autistic spectrum, since many do tend to have problems with interpreting body language, eye contact, and general information overload. (We have actually discussed this topic before.)

Communicating in a forum situation allows us a stress free medium/conduit to work with and gives us time to consider what we want to say in a more precise/accurate way...
After a preliminary relationship has been established, then a safe arranged meeting should be less stressful.
**********************
The implied qualifier is probably "tendency" if not otherwise stated...
I don't generalise in the classic sense...
My default MO is to think in terms of probabilities/improbabilities...
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