My 6-year old son has ASPD

by **ajr8** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:27 pm

No I don't share the guilt he has for what he does, I don't get how he can be ashamed of abandoning his family if he's just going to do it anyway, and I'm the one who lost a parent for the rest of my childhood but now that I'm grown up I can understand that kind of behavior and I would expect him to at least stand by his decisions to run away from his family and never pay child support, his guilt never stopped him from doing it, so why bother feeling guilty, or as you suggested, pretend to feel guilty?

My only real evidence of his guilt other than what he's said is that he's attempted suicide in the past. He supposedly wanted to die but he failed to pull it off, another thing I don't understand.

This could be true. I demonstrate all sorts of feelings in front of my kids over stuff that's considered wrong. I teach them the value of caring about people, respecting those who deserve it, helping others etc. I do this as it's for their own benefit. They have traits of my personality but do not seem to have the same PD. So they need to develop themselves into successful people.

In fact my eldest described me the other day as kind of scary, but fair with people. Much the same?

by **Obsidian** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:40 pm

ajr8 wrote:No I don't share the guilt he has for what he does, I don't get how he can be ashamed of abandoning his family if he's just going to do it anyway, and I'm the one who lost a parent for the rest of my childhood but now that I'm grown up I can understand that kind of behavior and I would expect him to at least stand by his decisions to run away from his family and never pay child support, his guilt never stopped him from doing it, so why bother feeling guilty, or as you suggested, pretend to feel guilty?

My only real evidence of his guilt other than what he's said is that he's attempted suicide in the past. He supposedly wanted to die but he failed to pull it off, another thing I don't understand.

Well, usually when people's actions contradict what they say it means that they're full of it. And why pretending? I don't know, for people to find him more tolerable? Or perhaps because he's supposed to feel guilty, and thus he tricks himself into believing he feels it. :P

justonemoreperson wrote:This could be true. I demonstrate all sorts of feelings in front of my kids over stuff that's considered wrong. I teach them the value of caring about people, respecting those who deserve it, helping others etc. I do this as it's for their own benefit. They have traits of my personality but do not seem to have the same PD. So they need to develop themselves into successful people.

In fact my eldest described me the other day as kind of scary, but fair with people. Much the same?

Fair people are usually "scary", they won't let something go because a person is weak or hostile or whatever.
Also, displaying feelings isn't hard, if there's nothing, people will see what they expect. People rarely go around looking for what isn't there. :P

by **crystal_richardson_** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:57 pm

Obsidian wrote:
crystal_richardson_ wrote:do you have any idea how hard is it to raise an autistic child?

ignorant.

Hehe, you pass judgement without motivating it way too often, sounds like you do it because you don't have anything to back it up with. Which is probably the case. :P

Obsidian, I did a placement at local residence of an autistic child where I assisted in administering ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis) on an autistic child for 20 something hours a week for course credit. I was 1 of 3 who did this and it was only for one child.
It is so difficult and time-consuming for parents to raise autistic children that people are hired to do this. If the parents can't find volunteers, they pay for this out of their own pocket and it's very expensive.

ajr8 wrote:No I don't share the guilt he has for what he does, I don't get how he can be ashamed of abandoning his family if he's just going to do it anyway, and I'm the one who lost a parent for the rest of my childhood but now that I'm grown up I can understand that kind of behavior and I would expect him to at least stand by his decisions to run away from his family and never pay child support, his guilt never stopped him from doing it, so why bother feeling guilty, or as you suggested, pretend to feel guilty?

My only real evidence of his guilt other than what he's said is that he's attempted suicide in the past. He supposedly wanted to die but he failed to pull it off, another thing I don't understand.

aj, I thought you said you could feel guilt? That you do so privately. Those were your words exactly as I recall...or did I misinterpret?

by **ajr8** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:00 pm

crystal_richardson_ wrote:aj, I thought you said you could feel guilt? That you do so privately. Those were your words exactly as I recall...or did I misinterpret?

For some things yes I can feel guilt, but for the kind of things my dad did I wouldn't have if I were him.

by **crystal_richardson_** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:06 pm

ajr8 wrote:
crystal_richardson_ wrote:aj, I thought you said you could feel guilt? That you do so privately. Those were your words exactly as I recall...or did I misinterpret?

For some things yes I can feel guilt, but for the kind of things my dad did I wouldn't have if I were him.

I understand.

I myself can feel guilt if I take responsibility. But I haven't taken responsibility for anything since 5 years ago now at least so it's like I've forgotten what the emotion feels like.

by **ajr8** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:10 pm

Well, it seems like there is only one person who provokes a sense of guilt in me, and that's my younger brother. He has been terrified of me since I was 15 and he was 10, since then he has always been too cautious around me to speak to me or approach me, and I hate him so much that I can't even look at him, much less talk to him or act the way an older brother should act, and I can't help my intense hatred towards him but I don't understand where it's coming from, so when it comes to him I do feel guilt but so far I've done nothing about it.

by **crystal_richardson_** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:19 pm

ajr8 wrote:Well, it seems like there is only one person who provokes a sense of guilt in me, and that's my younger brother. He has been terrified of me since I was 15 and he was 10, since then he has always been too cautious around me to speak to me or approach me, and I hate him so much that I can't even look at him, much less talk to him or act the way an older brother should act, and I can't help my intense hatred towards him but I don't understand where it's coming from, so when it comes to him I do feel guilt but so far I've done nothing about it.

That's very interesting.

Maybe your father similarly felt guilt for being unable or unwilling to act the way a father should toward you.

Maybe you've identified with your father's hatred toward you, and see your younger brother as yourself as a child.

Thus, you are now the man of the house, and your brother is you, and you, through identifying with your father's hatred toward you as a child, now hate your brother as you were hated by your father?

by **ajr8** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:24 pm

That's a very distinct possibility, and it could explain why I don't make an effort to contact my brother or spend time with him, I feel like his life will always be so much better without me in it.

by **crystal_richardson_** » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:46 pm

maybe your father felt the same toward you, and that's why he abandoned you.

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