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Trauma and Personality Change

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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby Geneva » Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:57 pm

I have noticed a difference after what I when through. I have become a different person now. I'm not the same girl.
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby katana » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:48 pm

crystal_r wrote:Not talking about PD traits or the relationship between trauma and the development of PD traits per se, but just in general....for those of us who experienced trauma, did you notice that your personality changed after your trauma? Like I'm not going to go into detail about what happened to me trauma wise - and I would prefer you didn't ask - but I noticed I became more neurotic and also more open to new experiences following my trauma, which is kind of contradictory come to think of it...but that's what I saw.

So how about you folks? Did your personality change following your trauma? And if it did, what personality traits appeared (or disappeared) do you think, following your trauma? Did you become more antisocial...did you become a recluse...did you acquire the traits I did...?? Do tell! :D


i became more angry, more resentful and cynical, more paranoid and defensive, less trusting.

before there was quite as much trauma i was quite a sensitive child - not necessarily empathic, but sensitive, and very creative. i stopped being sensitive.

before i just lived... in the moment and enjoyed it. i started living through anger instead of just ...living.

even before, i was always a little monster - in trouble for not doing as i was told, fiesty, adventurous, temperamental...

but i became "flatter" after there was more trauma. fighting harder to be alive, managing it less. my perspective of the world changed.

it wasn't something sudden, was over the course of most of my childhood. i was pretty young when it started. its hard to even know how to be "like i was" again. i guess i won't be, cause a lot has happened to me since then. i guess i'll be something else in the end.

-- Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:52 pm --

Kheo Dofh wrote:The only trauma I ever had made me change from "Taking it personally" to "Taking it like a boss"


LOL is that the quote im thinking of :lol:
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby commedia » Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:23 am

Oops, guess I never hit submit. :lol: Silly silly silly.

The one thing that happened that could seriously be considered traumatic didn't really feel, and doesn't feel, like a big deal. It's weird. I became more aggressive, paranoid, went from trusting people but not without knowking they were trustworthy to hardly trusting anyone then just not caring. Kind of became self destructive and everything started to shut off. I think this came up at some point before in another thread but even as the trauma was going on it was more annoying and "Really? Are you being serious right now?" at about 6-8 years old. Can't remember exactly when. Me and him would get in fights all of the time. He'd get pissed and take a swing. Then at some point I decided to start swinging back.

I know it's done something to me, but at the same time it just doesn't matter? Eh.


Also, now that I think about it I wonder if it has anything to do with my low sex drive..
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby Onebravegirl » Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:41 am

I had CPTSD. Trauma hit me hard. But therapy helped a ton. I came out of full time therapy with a different me for sure. But a better me. I wasnt bitter or distrustful anymore. I didnt hold hate or rage anymore. I feel SO much clearer and ...well, lighter.
I think I was one of the Very fortunate though. I had a T who was a trauma specialist. That made a huge difference. Many people get the wrong or mis-qualified T it seems.
Sad.
One
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby katana » Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:19 am

Onebravegirl wrote:I had CPTSD. Trauma hit me hard. But therapy helped a ton. I came out of full time therapy with a different me for sure. But a better me. I wasnt bitter or distrustful anymore. I didnt hold hate or rage anymore. I feel SO much clearer and ...well, lighter.
I think I was one of the Very fortunate though. I had a T who was a trauma specialist. That made a huge difference. Many people get the wrong or mis-qualified T it seems.
Sad.
One


One, if you don't mind me asking, how did you get rid of the rage?
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby Onebravegirl » Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:13 pm

I learned that much of the rage wasnt my pile of crap, it was others and I was just choosing to sit in it.
Like my Dad for instance. A real bully. Abusive and Angry... The cause of many of my childhood traumas.
I hated him for along time. But gradually I realized he was just a Man. A man who was hiding and avoiding his own responsibility for his own actions. If I did the same, then I would be just like him.
There is this saying "When you are angry, that is when you are playing the victim the most". By staying angry at him, I was still his victim. I got tired of feeling like a victim.
I look at my Dad now and he is an old man who lives alone. His ideas of what makes a person valid and good are all layed out in front of him. And that is why he has no freinds, no family to care for him now that he is old, nothing.
So why make a man like that special enough to take some of my energy and peace of mind? It wasn't helping me in anyway. It wasn't saying anything to him.
So why carry it? Anger is like a stone you pick up and put in your pocket. You pick up enough stones and you cant walk because they get SO heavy. Therapy helped me to take out those stones one at a time and look them over and then toss them over my shoulder. I got lighter and lighter.
My Dad hurt me many times, but not more because I don't give him that power. I try and use my power and energy for things that make my life full and rewarding.
Lol-funny enough he now says he is very proud of me. Like I am his accomplishment. I let him go ahead and think that. I doesn't cost me anything.
Holding onto anger costs US, not the person we are angry at.
Think about it. The people you are really angry at, Do they care that you are angry with them?
Probably mosts don't.
Anger is meant to teach us. If it is there, deal with it and then let it go. Otherwise it will load you down and make you tired and bitter.
One
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby katana » Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:57 pm

Thank you for the reply, One :)

I don't feel angry at my dad... i never did exactly,(or never recognised anger directed at him in the long term) i just hated him and wanted him dead. - i know that isn't a nice thing to say, but is just how it is.

There were a lot of things he did that made me feel angry, a lot of things my mum did, things other people did, etc. i feel angry at the world, i know the world doesn't care... i feel like if i stop feeling angry, the world & people in it would be able to manipulate me to their own ends, and brainwash me into seeing things how i "should".

my dad is the same now, a lonely old man who has lost everyone that was close to him. the only anger i really have towards him has been over what he has done to me. i guess i will be able to let that go, when i can sort it out, i guess my anger there is a reaction to my own feelings of helplessness about being able to sort my own skewed perception & experience of relating to the world & others.

i didn't try to give him power at the time, i fought out against it all, i got on with my life and didn't care about how i was being treated, because that was how my life was, i thought it was just toughening me up. i guess i never learned to deal with my anger, and didn't get to see things any other way, so all the anger just got built up, but at the same time i just saw it as how things were.

i felt angry about a lot of other things too as a kid, i guess cause of the way i saw stuff from having brought up in that environment.

Lol, my dad would say the same thing, about being proud if i made a success of myself and my life somehow, even tho what he has done to me is the total opposite.

I'm not sure i even know who i'm angry at any more, have just learned to exist through anger, and don't know how to (functionally) exist through anything else - yet. (not that me existing through anger is very functional either.) i don't even know how to manage my own emotions, though i do feel other stuff sometimes, not literally just nothing but anger. - and when i do usually come and splurge it everywhere on these boards! :lol: am much better than i was.

What you say about anger being there to teach us makes sense. i guess im just not quite there yet. its like i have so much anger i don't know if it really is left over from my childhood any more, or if i have just learned to react to everything with anger, because that is how i see things and the world, i find it hard to even identify one stone from another, like my pockets are full of sand instead.

i guess that is all stuff to look at in therapy... still waiting for that atm.

Thank you for sharing all that, a lot of it is hard for me to make sense of still, but i guess i just have a bit of a way still to go before i get there, idk.
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby Onebravegirl » Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:19 pm

It is a process that is worth the investment. Take your time that way every step counts. You cant just drop it all, thats for sure.
For me Therapy was mostly about going back and getting to name each even for what it really was, not what others had told me what it was. My Dad still doesnt think what he did was that bad. For a long time I didnt know how bad it all was either.
One time in group therapy I let out some of the stuff he did and when I looked around the group, everyone had gone silent and pale.
A big step for me was no longer using the word Should. I stopped shoulding on myself. It made a big difference. Almost like it gave my rage room to breathe and be heard. I smashed stuff in the hospital etc, but the Docs were great about it. They knew I was processing some tough stuff. Doing it to accomplish something made a difference. I focused the rage with the right truth to it, grieved for the abuse and then the rage felt heard I guess.
I wish you all the very best in your journey through this. As messy as it might get, your worth every effort to find peace. You have earned it.
Your brave to face it . Many dont.
One
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Re: Trauma and Personality Change

Postby ptsdoomed » Mon Nov 18, 2013 7:10 am

ptsd and personality change.
Ok i have a complicated story. i went through an illness as a teen came up without any real trauma. my life was brilliant. my father was morbid fixated on sisters illness as a child she never grew. i was an overcomer born to a sick family. i got over my condtions to rise up without much issue. however i was afraid reasonably but not neuroticly to get sick and just common sense. I was a happy person and did not have an issue. but my father who abused me sort of strangely had issues why he did this in regards to my sisters illness . sick is at same time, he was the reason she was unable to grow. she probably suffered ptsd . she was an adult child dependant and not have much life. i recall getting sick and almost feeling i would end up that way but i rise up. stronger.
i did notget to live but three months out of three years i suffered before this sick man and mother took me to a place called idot hell of their depressive morbid and twisted lives. ok here is the amazing part. i was tortured by doctors for next 15 years with my fahter a sick Doctor wanting a doctor now to say i was sick, so that he did not have to send me to school. I was althletic talented insighted carefree and common sense. he was addicted to food. hostile abusive and anger prone and morbid? my mother hysterical delusional and other. my family nerutic frigid and cold to me. i came out better than them despite. ok my fathers fixations on illlness and other led him to want a dr to diagnose me with SOMETHING. to not send me to school. art school. This led to a hysteria. my father basicly moron and idot , did not want to admit or tell Drs what he did or what was going on . istead my family and them adopted the lie and pinned a fake false dignosis on me. I want to talk about this becuase i knew trauma could send me back to hell and i would face a test of my life. coming here and seeing others who suffer ptsd and things of issues of it i know what to do to avoid having to suffer that and face getting sick again as i had before. I was one in one million. Now my miracle tocome up happy was in threat of some sick people my father i feared all my life.. and it got worse. they picked up a lie andfed this to me and Drs. As my father had a Md he was able to do this. without quesition. sending me into shock and trauma. i refused to suffer ptsd and went sliding down as it sent me into hell and i was helpless . Drs were told i was diagnose with a mental illness whicih was insane and obserd of how happy and healthy i was. he was told to leave me alone by a doctor and did not wnat to listen. he did not want to send me to school. Then i feel he knew he was in a place where he might be trapped and question as to what he did. none of this seems to make sense but my family made no sense. My sister the one who was not able to adjust over come or socialize much, was why he wanted me to be sick. Does this make sense? He projected her on me, and other fixations and he was actually doing to me what would turn me into t hat most. As a Doctor he was clueless and insane. I was sent into shock and i then would face fifteen years of the insanity of Doctors who just sucked me in did not care about trauma or abuse going on but insurance and pills. I kept waiting for them to adress the trauma and threat to my healing and it did not happen. they said my fahter said i was mentally ill so t his that. insane $#%^ .I was abused and tortured for years. my life raped ( more trauma) and my perfect emergence from a dark ride was in threat daily. i was very smart to get to drs and tell them but i was ignored. for years. my life took a trip to hell, dark hell and i ran alone wounded in that state and lived a very abused life. i went from my happy summer to hell with one lie. Ok next miracle. after years of begging doctors toremove me before i would become fatality or come out neurotic or personality changes as i see here i knew the road.. But was not removed or treated. i lived a feral life. It is a miracle that i just walk feral and suffering into a job with famous artist and began what would become the next part of this story , i suffered condtions of ptsd pains and seizure and other but because i had seen an illness prior and survived it and the ptsd i overcame i resisted it for 15 years which was insane and terrible but i resisted to not have to come out a tragic person. It paid off. all of that pain could been nipped at bud at onset of abuse i got to drs and told them this and no one heard me as soon as my father told them his lie.. I was tortured for not comply to mad people and suffered but i came out on top and began to treat myself for ptsd and then got to come out with very little effects, and to see next miracle to get to be me again. i did suffer some fear and advesion of people but as i went on and kept to a program i became more and more free of the lie and terror and story and more my self. My family however became cancer ridden sick and went down. i had a new miracle life. this made some people want to abuse me. I had a rough ride up to. as not one doctor gave me what i needed to cope with the loss and abuse of fifteen years but i did. god alone help me. i could hear god talking to me and it allow me to heal.. my life then became brilliant more so than ever and i had to reconstruct my identity back to who i was. i got to live free again and to each day get more stronger health back. Ok battling devil: asi suffered some trauma. people expected me to be the one to be bullied abused. Most of them were not as strong or had as much spirit as i did and yet they felt they were cool. i did not follow only god.. but i was always a target for some asshole who had a fuct up child hood looking for someone to abuse. i did not quite fit the bill. so then it was about making me fit bill. I was rising up to a very special life and had to endure alot of test. abusers male and gay.. i a straight white artist female. I managed to endure and perfect my miracle for 19 years. Despite lack of care. Doctors when told them my story did not hear wht i said. they went to what my father said roboticly as if all of this was not important and lead to Abuse and trauma which is illogical. but that is how doctors work in rush illogical just to get you out of office. Drug u and insurance claim u. god did not tallk to me that way. i had sense alot of it. i had to use it to stay alive and suffer nearly losing miracle to abusers. ok i got to doctors to remove me from any traumatic situation threat to keep this. they ignored me. I managed to keep rising and overcome alone but one to many sick sick persons black usually with sick past or some kind of alcohol or drug or abuse history got to me and batter me around. the last one a jamaican rasta with no way or means. battering me down . when this person or others like him crossed my path i knew it was a threat and danger and to tell someone . i twas important to me to tell someone if i was in any way in threat to meet up anyone thing that would make me lose a miracle. No one complied. my family were bent on making me sick like them who all suffered some sick personality disorder or dysfunction and i was like Serpico. Ok i escaped enough of this kind of abusive sick person but the very last one led for me to suffer this twisted ending. exhaustion and others using his abuses to take me to hell led for that to happen. I now have a twisted personality. this person verbally and sexually abused me and traumatized me while i was in a vulnerable condition. i escaped him and began to pray that i would not suffer Ptsd the fatal kind as i began to see signs . i got to doctors asap. but was left vulnerable falling back into hands of this person who then battered me again and again using tactics he specifically learned as a person trying to use me for money so he could avoid work. i had a very kind personality talented and seasoned to life smart but just that one flaw in exhaustion to let this kind of person near me.. i could not get my foot out of trap and let out enough calls, but no one responded. i was basically a miracle to survive long term abuse and come up a contender and insighted and very little effects. However, the last weeks of my life fell to this person who managed to erase and remove 19 years of artistic reconstruction of a miracle life while others watched and consumed me and blocked out my cries. Ok i valued the fact that i came out of life with a smile and that i knew that i could have come out like some of the commenters on this board. i was blessed to be given a new life second time round. I had a very happy life, when i knew that i was at risk to lose it. i did rigtht things to wrong people. i was taling to people and asking people who did not come out whole from child hood . were drug addicts at one time or still and abusers of person me and other.. I struggled in last weeks of my life to escape at trap stepped into over a year ago but this persons nature was so so abusive mentaly and his intent to remove and rob my life, that finnaly while suffering medical condtions from stress and neglect he cracked me and left me with a worst case senario. he thinks this is funny. This is a person who pimps 80 year old women to avoid having to work a person who has nothing to his name and no job and refuse to work. feels he is a gangster but never made it to the dealer ship and a bully. he could do this to me partially asi got sick because i was easy. he is afraid of others and cant swing it in life.. i witness my life fall to this person and now i suffered severe personality changes in the last weeks of my life. Depression lost all my personality miracles progress. talent, im neruotic paranoid and have no memory of my real life. suffer brain damaged as result of seizure and others intent to take me here and severe stress. i was a very good money making talent rising up. i took my time. did not have to cheat in life but ths person and others took advantage of fact doctors left me vulnerable. now im talking the damaged language. im totaly not me, im someone else who had no affiliation with talent light god me, or my life . im paranoid cant sense my own environment so it makes it hard to know what to see or trust and speak as someone else older than me and lost.. i have all kind of illness. memory, and other. im a basket case.i had a very bright personality cool life. just one of this kind of person who is proud of his work abuse to continue his cycle of abuse on me as my father did and family.. Doctors and other.. This person is the loser of his family. probably cant make it over his issues and mad. now i feel like and act like him not me. or others.. twisted and fuct up.. i had a miracle and held on to it and made noise to drs to keep it. so why come here and speak about things i know drs know about and know how to prevent with what i said removal, and they dont do it.Why , ? to have sick people to treat. this is worst hell ucan suffer. my identity is erased and my brain works backward and im sick and blind and speachless as result. im used to being the survivor the clear one and undamaged. i now cant recall right my growth up as a person its all negative and chopped up..
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