am i dealing with APD?

I am currently trying to leave my bf alone. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and it has been a rollercoaster ride all the way. I am trying to figure out if he is borderline or APD. He seems to have the characteristics of both. He's very controlling, wants to occupy all of my time (when im not at work), he is a liar ( I can't believe a word out of his mouth), cheater (I have caught him over his ex house (2 years ago.. I know STUPID ME). Before i met him i had a home, nice car, owned my own beauty salon and was happy with my life. Now i live with my parents, my car is ran down (due to bf driving it) and i closed down my shop last year. (due to the unhappiness and stress in my life). I have been trying to distance and get away from him since november of last year. ( I got a Order of protection (EPO) . But still havent cut him out of my life totally.

This man has paid a taxi driver to lie to me. ($100). However the taxi driver did tell me the truth about picking a female up at his house at 5:00 am and taking her home. My ex denied this for about a year then eventually admitted that he did hire a female thru a escort service to come dance for him (yea right) then sh left. He had his 3 yr old daughter staying all night with him that same night. He convinced me to move out of the place i was renting when i firsst met hime to a much bigger (nicer)place. He said do not worry about bills i will handle them. Well needless to say there where times when i would comme home from work and the electric would be off. So i would call and give them a check over the phone to get it cut back on. After 7 months i receive the eviction notice. He had not paid rent for 2 months and i would always ask him every month has the rent been paid and he would say yes. I am 35 years old. Been living on my own since 20 never was evicted till now!!!!

Ok moving on .... I would complain how he had totally destroyed my vehicle so he put a down payment (nice amount of money) on another truck for me. He was suppose to pay the new vehicle payment monthly for 4 months, because i had 4 more months to pay offf my old vehicle. Well he payed the first month. By the second month i was paying both vehicles payments totalling over $1000 a month. I got a partime job, along with my fulltime job to handle the extra bill. The partime job was actually a fulltime job because i worked Sat-Tue from 6:30pm to 5:00am. So basically i was working 2 full time jobs. Anyway i finally woke up from this nightmare and hired a moving company to move my furniture(all the furniture was mine, except for the bigg scree TV) to a storage place. I did not tell hime i was moving untill the day of the move. He begged, cryed, said please give hime one more chancce.

I moved in with my parents and have been here since November when i moved. He has lied about so much sh** . He told me his mother died when he was 22 of cancer, well i heard she actually died of AIDS. One other time i left him he told me he had testcular cancer. I ask for the documents, reports no such thing because hes full of sh**. I want him out of my life but he wont stop calling me. He has a record with the law as long as can be and is in and out of court now for 2 more charges. His history before me has consist of 2 other EPO's, resisting arrest, assaults, possesion of drugs, driving with no license, trafficking ina controlled substancce.....and many more.

I know hes not good for me... I dont even love him anymore i just cant seem to break the ties... helpppppp

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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:36 pm Post subject:

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I forgot to mention. Everything is always somebody else's fault. He can never see that he may be to blame for ANYTHING its always another personfau;t. Its always WOE IS ME, THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET ME. He looks at his self as alway the victim!!!

I know hes not good for me... I dont even love him anymore

It's okay to let go.

He sounds like a true sociopath. Get out- once realized that you cannot be controlled, they leave you alone and find another victim.
Cut off all contact immediately!

Thanks for answering my post. I left the relationship for good about 4-5 weeks ago. I am feeling good about myself and taking it one day at a time. He calls everyday to tell me that he loves me v and to make me feel sorry for him. He still cotinues to lie i have caught him in at least 5 lies since then. The only reason that i continue to answer his cause is to see where his mind is at. I know that he is capable of hurting me. So i try to be a friend to keep tabs on him. I find talking to him frustrating and it makes me angry most of the time. He says that i treat him like ****. I tell him to stop calling me and he wouldnt feel that way. He feels that way because i dont falls for his bull anymore. The phone calls drain me while keeping him content.

I guess in a sense he still is in control. [/quote]

In a sense he thinks he is still in control. Nothing wrong with watching your own back.

My thinking is such. He can never really have control over anything. Impulsiveness prevents it.

He's not in control. There are people in this forum with more issues and way nicer than your ex, i think.
He calls everyday? jesus. You can always call the cops if he start stalkin more badly. I don't know, don't answer his phonecalls.
Probably after each call, he just go to the kitchen for some food and goes watch tv as if nothing happened (or goes out with somebody else) while you keep thinkin on that same phonecall conversation the rest of the day.

I'm very paranoid, but i agree with skyway, Nothing wrong with watching your back, or your hearth. The more time you spend with him, the more likely you'll start to develop feelings again, just to throw them away once he start lying/cheating/acting wicked, twisted again. Just remember he's not the only man on earth, and you can met new peoples always. and also remember: better alone that with somebody that breaks your hearth.

cheers -little dots-

Howdy,
I understand the pain you are going thru and after reading several of these posts on APDs i understand that there is one element of ex APD bf that i refused to accept or acknowledge but always suspicion it rang true.
Actually he was first diagnosed as an APD but my therapist had downgraded him from a psychopath to a sociopath (the difference being that the sociopath is totally cognitive of what he is doing and lacks empathy or a soul if you will as he continues to inflict abuse and control his victims.
My ex bf has multiple felonies...has served long periods of incarcerations...long standing heroin habit and and has dealt drugs as well. He is 52 yrs old and currently on 5 yrs probation for his 5th felony originally for drug trafficking but reduced to possession of heroin at a lesser amount. He has been working at a factory for 3 yrs at minimum wage thru a temp agency...as a janitor and only recently was granted a 75 cent raise.
I have know him for over 5 years.....met him in recovery...myself having 13 yrs clean at the time from a alcohol and pot addiction....i knew nothing about heroin when i met him and had never dated anyone with a criminal past but he was so sweet and charming that he drew me into his web of control and deceit..
He constantly lied about his heroin use and i like a fool had unprotected sex with him and he had told me that he came up positive for Hep C after we had sex.....he now must attend 3 recovery meetings a week but he goes to AA but will drink claiming that his problem was heroin not alcohol....before he was on probation he smoked pot 24/7 as well.
Today i am 18 yrs and almost 3 months still clean and the reason i am writing this is this. He always made me swear that we would make a pact and never sleep with anyone else until we informed each other of it first......and i always believed him and i have never slept around in all the over 5 yrs i have known him.
We don't live together as he became too violent and has both verbally and physically abused me and of course he always lied about his heroin use but we still tried to remain friends and at least had some sexual attraction left for each other
He is constantly dumping me but swears that after me he is not going to engage in another relationship at this late stage in his life....let us face it....what kind of financial security or emotional security could he offer a woman now...especially on his temping janitor's salary and being on probation and living in this small airless rented room and doesn't even own or can afford a phone.
Lately he has become sexually distant and believe me that old dude has always been randy and potent...except when he used heroin....but he still maintains that he will always love me no matter what to which i say bullshit and he gets down right angry when i say i don't believe him and for a sociopath what is the pay off in saying something like that?

I think he already broke that 'pact' a long time ago but he is mortally afraid of AIDS (he an IV user) and says he never lets anyone get that close to him and doesn't screw for screwing's sake but he has had a lot of partners in the past and all of the females were addicts in one way or another with criminal past.
I guess i am different from his former mates and why he was attracted to me i will never know and how we lasted over 5 yrs together is strange too and it still hurts to get dumped and by somebody that my therapist family and friends told me to get rid of a long time ago....and i would love to know at least if has found someone else (cause he will always come over if i call) or he just doesn't want a relationship with anyone anymore....i doubt he ever gets lonely.....but how can he enjoy his life as he knows it now...
thanx for listening blahblah

Howdy,
I understand the pain you are going thru and after reading several of these posts on APDs i understand that there is one element of ex APD bf that i refused to accept or acknowledge but always suspicion it rang true.
Actually he was first diagnosed as an APD but my therapist had downgraded him from a psychopath to a sociopath (the difference being that the sociopath is totally cognitive of what he is doing and lacks empathy or a soul if you will as he continues to inflict abuse and control his victims.
My ex bf has multiple felonies...has served long periods of incarcerations...long standing heroin habit and and has dealt drugs as well. He is 52 yrs old and currently on 5 yrs probation for his 5th felony originally for drug trafficking but reduced to possession of heroin at a lesser amount. He has been working at a factory for 3 yrs at minimum wage thru a temp agency...as a janitor and only recently was granted a 75 cent raise.
I have know him for over 5 years.....met him in recovery...myself having 13 yrs clean at the time from a alcohol and pot addiction....i knew nothing about heroin when i met him and had never dated anyone with a criminal past but he was so sweet and charming that he drew me into his web of control and deceit..
He constantly lied about his heroin use and i like a fool had unprotected sex with him and he had told me that he came up positive for Hep C after we had sex.....he now must attend 3 recovery meetings a week but he goes to AA but will drink claiming that his problem was heroin not alcohol....before he was on probation he smoked pot 24/7 as well.
Today i am 18 yrs and almost 3 months still clean and the reason i am writing this is this. He always made me swear that we would make a pact and never sleep with anyone else until we informed each other of it first......and i always believed him and i have never slept around in all the over 5 yrs i have known him.
We don't live together as he became too violent and has both verbally and physically abused me and of course he always lied about his heroin use but we still tried to remain friends and at least had some sexual attraction left for each other
He is constantly dumping me but swears that after me he is not going to engage in another relationship at this late stage in his life....let us face it....what kind of financial security or emotional security could he offer a woman now...especially on his temping janitor's salary and being on probation and living in this small airless rented room and doesn't even own or can afford a phone.
Lately he has become sexually distant and believe me that old dude has always been randy and potent...except when he used heroin....but he still maintains that he will always love me no matter what to which i say bullshit and he gets down right angry when i say i don't believe him and for a sociopath what is the pay off in saying something like that?

I think he already broke that 'pact' a long time ago but he is mortally afraid of AIDS (he an IV user) and says he never lets anyone get that close to him and doesn't screw for screwing's sake but he has had a lot of partners in the past and all of the females were addicts in one way or another with criminal past.
I guess i am different from his former mates and why he was attracted to me i will never know and how we lasted over 5 yrs together is strange too and it still hurts to get dumped and by somebody that my therapist family and friends told me to get rid of a long time ago....and i would love to know at least if has found someone else (cause he will always come over if i call) or he just doesn't want a relationship with anyone anymore....i doubt he ever gets lonely.....but how can he enjoy his life as he knows it now...
thanx for listening blahblah

Everyone gets lonely. Even people who hate other people get lonely. Lonliness causes pain. Sociopaths are no strangers to pain.

What lies beneath it all? Pain and fear?