Love him but had to end it, could he be a sociopath?

Hi all,
I have just found this site after googling personality types and being led to Anti social personality disorder. I want to list all that my partner was and would like some advice as i am lost, hurt, emotionally drained and scared.
We have been together for just over 18 months, lived together for 12 months and I love him very much but last weekend I couldn't take anymore, changed the locks and ended it.
When i met him he was very keen and persisted until I gave in and felt refreshed that a guy was chasing me and wanted a commited relationship. We lived 200 miles apart at the time and would see each other on alternative weekends, he would make me feel so special, loving, caring, devoted and planning a future. He got a transfer with work and in July 09 moved up to be with me and moved in. There had always been cracks but things went down hill once we lived together. He is 36 i am 33.

*challenging behaviour as a child leading to exclusion at school
*badly bullied as an adolescant
*poor relationship with parents, closer to grandparents
* addictive personality (history of drug taking, smoking)
*compulisve gambler -relapsed twice whilst together which i forgave him for and went to GA together.
*compulsive liar
*devious
*manipulative
*make out i was crazy or loosing it if i challenged him on something
*swear black was white
*unable to say sorry unless I took half the blame or he made me say it first
*jekyll and hyde type of personality
*unable to empathise. i would tell him i'm upset "well i think you're slightly exaggerating there"
*not really bothered about my feelings or opinions "i don't care about you" "i don't give a shit what you think"
*selfish and self centrered
*quick to temper-this became more and more apparant and shorter episodes. He would explode at the smallest things and would not sit and talk but raise it to a level where it was impossible to have a say or resolve anything.
*increasing violence towards myself. i was scared and he knew it.
*threatening me with violence
"if you ever cheat i'll cut you up into little pieces"
"i've often thought about suffocating you in your sleep and all this will be mine" (during a calm conversation)

*intimidating me when angry, standing over me with gritted teeth grabbing my chin and shouting in my face
*calling me a @@@@@@@, bitch and a whore, knowing i hate the words and have asked him not to use them
*throwing objects, punching things
*walking out rather than talking. Couldn't have a proper conversation with him.
*sulks, then the next day as if it never happened
*withdrawal of sex- at first we had an amazing sex life, 3 months in it was a though he wasn't as bothered and this gradually came to a grinding halt in March 09 saying he had no desire as was bored of having sex. He would carrot dangle saying he was tired or ill and gave me a time when we would ie at the weekend, but this came and went and another date would replace it. He would reject me and if i was suggestive call me a slapper or i was dirty. This has been going on for 11 months and we haven't had sex once!! I am a saint!! We started sex therapy (he referred himself) 3 months ago.
* no intimacy. Refusal to kiss as it led to sex. nothing.
*refusal to compromise or meet me half way sexually. ie if we cant have sex have a bath with me "i don't like baths"
what im trying to say is he never felt it important to make me feel special or loved or even try knowing how hard it was not having sex, he knew the strain it was putting us under and didnt seem to care...again carrot dangling "wait until after the therapy"
*suspisions of porn, found him linked to several adult sites benaughty.com and fling.com which he has denied but It is linked to his hotmail address and has been done from my laptop.
what annoys me about this as I am happy about stuff like that and am not a prude and suggested it in the past but was told not to be filthy!!
*I have found lots of emails to strange females before we were together of a very sexual nature suggesting he is highly sexed and does like porn etc etc...ie it doesnt fit a man with no sexual desire!?
*towards the end increasingly cruel taking arguments to the extreme. The final straw for me was last weekend when he was away. He was due back on the Sunday night and we'd had an argument on the Sat am about the porn site i'd found, he refused to discuss it and hung up on me. Sunday night came and he wasn't home and i was worried as i was due to pick him up as agreed. I rang him and he decided to stay until Monday knowing full well i would be wondering where he was. His reply was "you haven't phoned me all day" after he hung up on me!? I just sat there and cried and though i cannot do this anymore. I changed the locks Monday am and told him it was over. He came round shocked as he didn't think id meant it (i have threatened it in the past but never followed though it given in) I haven't heard from him since.

I've often wondered if he is mentally ill but always thought they were gambling traits and got worse when he was actively gambling. However over the last few months his cruel, aggressive, hateful, mean traits have been much more frequent and i've thought something is definaltey not right here and to the point where it's making me ill.

i'm hoping you can help me as i'm sat here lost, hurt, empty and alone. How could someone who is meant to love you treat you like this? Why? was it planned all along? Is there something in me that he saw? Did he love me deep down? Is he a sociopath, an abuser or just a nasty person with lots of issues?

Thank you for your time in reading this and look forward to some help and advice xxx

Again, not reading one word but the title.


If you dated a sociopath, he never cared about you, never will care about you, and most likely used you.


DO NOT DO IT.

aFondmemory wrote:Again, not reading one word but the title.


If you dated a sociopath, he never cared about you, never will care about you, and most likely used you.


DO NOT DO IT.

I'm loving the new strategy.

It seems to work very well. Kudos.

Is dating usually motivated by compassion?

LouCypher wrote:Is dating usually motivated by compassion?

No, it's motivated by chemicals involved in attaining a mate for reproduction. The love chemicals, they call them. Research has been done on oxytocin, which is one of the love chemicals.

Most "dating" comes from physical attraction and/or emotional attraction. It's overly romanticized as compassion.

I was making a pointed joke.

I don't see why it matters what his diagnonsense is. He's clearly an ass, and that's reason enough to leave.