I'm not sure where to post this so I'll just do it here, move if it's in the wrong place. Anyway, I'm 18 years old and I'm male. I primarily speak dutch, so bare with my english. I know it's not bad, but I sometimes make mistakes.
Okay, so, the other day I was watching a House episode where they treated a psychopathic patient. Early on with that they were saying I realized I had some traits the patient had. I googled Psychopathy and read an article (http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display ... 0168/55051
) and the wikipedia page. Is it possible I suffer from it? I just want to know out of curiosity, not that it would really bother me cause it's just a name for my personality, I feel like I'm sane.
The idea of killing someone never bothered me the least, except if it were my family or my friends cause I care about them. But I could honestly kill a person without any guilt following, but only if I knew I'd be safe cause my freedom is important to me. I wanna be able to do what I want. Although, I don't have the urge to kill someone though, it just wouldn't be a problem for me morally. What makes me doubt psychopathy is cause I DO care if I get in trouble, I don't like obstacles.
I'm not sure I get what empathy really means, but i can almost never sympathize for others I don't care about. I couldn't care less about the people dying in war or the haitians and stuff. I know I should, but I don't. Crying people or when people tell me their problems makes me uncomfortable, cause I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I don't feel bad, I just feel awkward.
I'm very manipulative sometimes. A good example would be how I got with one of my ex boyfriends. He was a really good friend of mine and I liked him a lot, so I used to lie about tragic stuff happening and pretend to be suicidal so he'd spend more time with me and trying to make me happy. Which he did. Then after a while I started to get the feeling he liked me, but he was so closeted. I then made a fake name on some website he plays games on and befriended him with that fake name. I used this allias to get everything out of him and I used this to manipulate him to do anything I wanted (along with the "depression" i had). I dumped him when I no longer liked him. I knew this was wrong all along, but I honestly never felt guilty or bad or something.
I lie a lot too, mostly about stuff that's unimportant, but I just do it. Not sure why. Other times it's more serious though; I remember there was this guy once who was obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh, he was in my class, and I used to lie to him I had these cards he was looking for. I told him to pay, and I'd bring them the next day. Weeks passed and I knew he was failing, so I knew after the summer I wouldn't see him ever again. I got maybe 300 dollars out of him. (You're not allowed to fail at my school, I have the dutch system). I never felt any kind of remorse about this either.
I wouldn't say I've had trouble with the law, I mean, I never pick fights or something. I do have a job I do every year to earn money. It's only 5 days working at a place that sells fireworks for the new years. At that job I stole around $1200 this year, I did it the past years too, only less. Other than that, nothing against the law. I used to skip school a lot and not do anything and I got held back cause of it, but now school isn't a problem anymore, i'm actually doing so good that I may be the best graduated this year. I do still skip classes sometimes, but everyone does that.
Also about my childhood, I used to kill animals (cats, lizards, chicks) when I was little for fun. My parents told me about the different cats, but I honestly can only remember the chicks. I don't do that anymore, in fact I have a pet cat. It used to freak my parents out, apparently. And I had a wetting the bed problem til I was like 13. I used to set fires for fun too, but not with the intention to burn the house down or something, me and my cousin just liked to watch different stuff burn.
What makes me doubt psychopathy is I do care about my friends and family, and I WOULD be sad if they died or if they lost a leg or something. And I DO feel happy and sad and angry and different emotions. I'm very talkative and humorous with my friends. And I'm easily bored, but I don't feel the need to do risky activities like psychopaths apparently do.
Anyway, I feel like I've typed enough. Ask me anything else if you wish, except my name and what not. I don't care if I do have it, but I don't want people knowing either. So what is it? Psychopathy? anti-social? narcissistic and selfish? amoral? or perfectly normal?