by crystal_richardson_ » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:59 pm
such systems help with coping with life or the demand of society, previously perhaps you had the luxury of being more carefree
Oneringer offered very good advice eon personality and identity development, however it assumes from my observation that you have a self to work with
i believe your fundamental problem is that you lack a core self rooted in the early past; something you've suggested yourself
in other words, what Oneringer said more pertains to people who are moving from childhood identity to adult identity, when you do not even have much a childhood identity
it's possible to skip steps 1 and 2 and just jump to 3 (adult identity) by adopting one of these systems; and it can work very well
but because it's out of practicality alone, rather than emotional connection based in integrating and reconciling past self memories, present emotions, and future expectations the system is always prone to breaking down as your circumstances change or your moment-to-moment desires push through.
and without emotionally anchoring the identity in the past self, the demands of the present circumstances and your basic desires/impulses will win
so there a few ways to resolve this, not all of which involve full-blown therapy and serious self change or growth which can be daunting even unrealistic
you can take the pressure off your systems, which will leave them more intact, you do this by simplifying your life, reducing the number and magnitude of things you have to cope with; in other words, you can cope by making your personality more robust or you can cope by eliminating the stressors that put pressure on your personality
the problem with this approach is that the simpler you make your circumstances to reduce pressure on your systems (or lack of) the less able you are, or the less variety you'll have to satisfy the impulses that will be front and centre
and the end stage of this cycle is that you engage in impulsive behaviour again, take on more than you can handle, and end up in the hospital or something lol
which leads to the crux of this alternative (in contrast to making your personality more robust/healthy): finding something you are interested in, or which satisfies your impulses, that is singular and simple enough to fit within a simple, unpressured life
is there any such thing that you've discovered since being alive, one thing that you've never gotten bored with, one thing that could sustain you? could be anything, there is no judgement