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How do your friends feel about you?

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How do your friends feel about you?

Postby SweetSlumber » Mon Jun 26, 2017 9:20 pm

Do you have any close, long-term friendships with people you like? Do you know if they realize that you're not a genuinely caring person?

I have been pondering my relationship with my best friend. I like him, I feel safe with him. He's never did anything that would make me feel uncertain, never been mean to me. (He was a bit angry with me at one point, but all he did was being a bit detached.)

I have a feeling that he genuinely cares about me. He respects my boundaries and is enthusiastic about even the silly things I share. He's always supportive and willing to give advice if I'm in trouble.

The thing is, although I like him and I want to stay friends with him, I don't genuinely care about him. I don't feel happy about his successes and I don't really care how he's doing. I try to act as if I am, in the past when we were more open I was trying to be very supportive, but what I'm wondering is if he can tell.

He had sucky parents too. I think there are two possibilities: he doesn't notice, or he's subconsciously attracted to people similar to his parents, emotionally unavailable. Or a third, he's also being dishonest. Or a fourth :) , I'm placing too much weight on emotions and not enough on loyalty.
"The past is never dead. It is not even past."
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby crystal_richardson_ » Mon Jun 26, 2017 9:23 pm

regarding what you said about your friend...how do you separate genuine caring from a sense of obligation?

like a lot of guys, especially in the Scandinavian countries, are raised to really respect women and treat them well. it's an important part of the culture.

in other words, maybe he's just acting out of his conscience. how does he treat women generally? how about males or people generally?

i think to know if someone truly cares about you, you need to see how they act around those they don't care about.

people who just have caringness as a part of their personality, regardless of who it's directed at, well i think they don't really care about anyone really. they are just acting according to how they think they should.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby Chainsaw » Mon Jun 26, 2017 9:27 pm

My current friends think I'm a nice person who's good at heart. They think I appear arrogant and uncaring, but that this is just an attitude that gives the wrong impression. I never tell them my real thoughts. There is only one person who knows that I laugh about horrible stuff, but this person doesn't seem to care as long as I'm just acting nice.

A lot of my childhood friends, the people who got to know me when I was younger and less self aware, started to dislike me as they became older. They know about my history. At first, they accepted it or they weren't assertive enough to say anything about it. I was in a friend group when I was a teenager, and I'm the only one who has been cast away.

In short: it's very rare for me to have long-term friendships. And most people who really know me wouldn't stay friends with me. The local police is also trying to prevent people from befriending me.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby SweetSlumber » Mon Jun 26, 2017 9:37 pm

Hmmm. I would say he keeps most people at a distance. He's distrustful towards most people and can sometimes be rude or brash to them. He only seems to have a soft spot for his childhood friends and me.

I think he's more caring and tenderhearted than me (in spite of his sometimes tough appearance) because he had a group of friends as a kid. He really seems like a normal person with minor issues.
"The past is never dead. It is not even past."
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby ElephantEyes » Tue Jun 27, 2017 8:53 pm

My friends like me, otherwise they wouldnt be my friends.

I havent found it hard to make or keep friends. In my experience most people are open to friendship and its just a matter of you both fulfilling something the other wants or needs. Humans are a social animal.

You are overthinking. Your friend probably doesnt care the way you think. You fulfill something he needs so he keeps you.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby SweetSlumber » Tue Jun 27, 2017 9:57 pm

@Elephant well this is something that's an unknowable mystery to me. Do "healthy" people really care in a way that I can't? Or are they just acting as if they do? I've talked about this with other people many times and it's still a mystery.
"The past is never dead. It is not even past."
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby ElephantEyes » Tue Jun 27, 2017 10:50 pm

SweetSlumber wrote:@Elephant well this is something that's an unknowable mystery to me. Do "healthy" people really care in a way that I can't? Or are they just acting as if they do? I've talked about this with other people many times and it's still a mystery.


Sure. I am guessing nons experience a richness and intensity that unhealthy people dont.

I admittedly see interactions as little more than opportunities to gain something because the nuances of affection and emotion arent there. I dont see what I do as exploitation but others might. Others are experiencing it in technicolor but its black and white for me. I am guessing.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby NotAsCrazyAsIThought » Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:51 am

This topic actually got me in the right moment

I thought I was doing it right with my fellow friends but now I have some doubts.

To make it short , I'm in a new social situation in the last months and I interacted with most people there, if not everyone.

Some people there would go quiet in my presence even though I wasn't agressive with them.

And now I developed a hard bond with this borderline guy that is friends with everyone, Suddenly I was buzzing into his phone and......

I saw that one girl said I scary her , the other girl said she thinks there's something weird on me (wtf????)

This leads me to a question , Am I doing it right since I make people curious , or I am I doing it wrong because people are unease around me?




My goal is to make people comfortable around me , not unease :roll:

Ofc there's a good feeling inside me because I'm causing some distress , that's not my goal but it's interesting.




Should I cause even more distress??? or should I start to surprise people showing that I'm actually a good guy ??

I guess I'll try both sides of the coin
I come from a place where my language works very differently from english. Forgive me if I sound confusing or if I misunderstand anything.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby SweetSlumber » Fri Jun 30, 2017 11:32 am

I think I'm probably wrong about the whole "most people care on a deeper level than me". Probably a result of watching Disney as a kid and having an overactive imagination. I suppose people are the same, they are just less honest about it.
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Re: How do your friends feel about you?

Postby HislilPrincess » Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:19 pm

I don't have many friends however the ones I do have check in on me often. I didn't keep in touch with people from school for example, yet if we see one another we are always friendly and have a lot to talk about. I avoid keeping in touch mostly bc real friendships take a lot of responsibility and truth be told I don't want to commit myself or attached myself too closely as to be responsible for how another thinks or feels. I'm a introvert by nature and although I always thought of myself as an extrovert when I first became interested in MBTI, once I was honest with myself and my life and lifestyle ( now and then ) I knew without a doubt my extroverted moments were fake to make friends, or keep peace .

I enjoy having deeper meaningful friendships with a few rather than empty hollow friendships with many. I'm friendly with most people as long as they keep their distance and don't involve me in their plans. I love heart to heart conversations with people I really love a lot- those are very few and far between.

My friends are honest with me and are not afraid to tell me how they really feel about me. Friends are people who can tell you off or make you feel special. I don't take any personal offense when friends are correcting me or giving me honest advice even if its something I don't want to hear. True friends don't sugar coat their thoughts to make the situation better, or peaceful. I have a lot of trust Issues, so therefore I rather my friends be upfront even it is hurts me ego/feelings in the moment. This one friend is always complimenting me on a variety of things, I know they are sincere so therefore I am accepting. I diss Insincere compliments, unfortunately I have this six sense and see through people, their words and actions. I know when people are being real or fake, I wouldn't thank a person who I know isn't being real with their thoughts and feelings, only diss them.

At the end of the day I don't want to make many friends, I honestly don't like many people either. I don't need many people in my life to be happy and content, I only need a few genuine people I can count on, other than that I don't want to be bothered or pestered by those who spend most of their lives seeking Insincere fake empty relationships for the sake of having lots of friends. That said we need people in life bc we are social creatures. I do need a few, my life would be boring and hopeless if I didn't have any friends, however seeking out multiple friendships has never been my thing in reality, I make a great friend with a few, a horrible friend with many.
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