The victim role

Do you ever honestly take on the role of a victim, I don't mean to manipulate, I mean because you feel sorry for yourself?

Mitmit wrote:Do you ever honestly take on the role of a victim, I don't mean to manipulate, I mean because you feel sorry for yourself?

No, I do not. I don't see myself as a victim. I've never said "I am a victim of _____." I cringe when I've been called a "survivor."

I don't feel sorry for myself. Life isn't fair, it's a fact. I know that I am responsible for my happiness and how I choose to live my life. If I have a setback, I know it is up to me to get back on track.

I don't take the role of victim ever, unless it's to manipulate people. I have felt self-pity at times, but that's not about seeing myself as the victim, it's about seeing others as the problem and/or circumstances being out of my control.

my father claims I do this a lot, but I don't see it.

Dulcet wrote:my father claims I do this a lot, but I don't see it.

He might be projecting - he may have thoughts of his parenting and whether he did his best, etc. Meaning, it may be *his* issue when you want to discuss a matter that is of concern to you.

actually, going by her posts she does play the victim role and even her husband 'orchestrates it as so' - to make her look like the victim even after perpetrating whatever.

doesn't sound like you're very good at it though if people around you call you on it.

i play the victim role lots and have never once been caught. i've been caught for other things though.

-- Mon May 22, 2017 5:42 am --

eterea107 wrote:

Mitmit wrote:Do you ever honestly take on the role of a victim, I don't mean to manipulate, I mean because you feel sorry for yourself?

No, I do not. I don't see myself as a victim. I've never said "I am a victim of _____." I cringe when I've been called a "survivor."

i agree i hate that term. it's also very generalized to all child abuse, even when quite mild by previous generations' standards.

-- Mon May 22, 2017 5:44 am --

eterea107 wrote:I don't feel sorry for myself. Life isn't fair, it's a fact. I know that I am responsible for my happiness and how I choose to live my life. If I have a setback, I know it is up to me to get back on track.

that said, it can be self-soothing when you lack the ability to internalize tenderness from others.

I've played hurt and upset before; I guess that's a type of playing victim.

It's hard to keep it going though.

justonemoreperson wrote:I've played hurt and upset before; I guess that's a type of playing victim.

It's hard to keep it going though.

What was your motivation behind portraying yourself as a victim?

For example:

- gaining sympathy as the "victim" for deflecting a responsibility you don't want
- playing the victim role for financial gain ("I work so hard at my job, but they won't pay overtime and the low hourly wage barely covers my rent and we run low on food every month.")

eterea107 wrote:What was your motivation behind portraying yourself as a victim?

Normally it was a last-ditch attempt at getting myself out of the sh1t.

For example, if I'd been caught out doing stuff or saying something I shouldn't then I'd usually try to turn it around onto the other person and then make out that their behaviour insulted or emotionally hurt me.

It used to work with previous partners to a point. It doesn't work now, as my wife knows about my condition, so now it just raises an eyebrow.

or that is was the other person fault in some way.

^that is what i call blame shifting or shame shifting.they did to me my whole life. at the end i lost empathy because of it. and when they blame shifted i thought go ###$ yourself and abandoned them.
i lost it in such extent that if you were dying for real and being sick i would leave you.

is like the story when you cry wold for a joke all the time,when the real wolf comes noone will save you.
i like your wife that sees it and still want to be with you. because it made me not want the other person