Domestic Violence

MotherRussia wrote:No doubt you did more damage than she did. But she was the perpetrator. You just reacted.
At least where I live the cops responded to a similar situation. The girl was very hurt and the guy was not. The girl threw the first punch, so the cops said that the guy was entitled to hit her since she hit him first, even though she was injured and he was not.

I am surprised to hear that the police didn't arrest the man. Perhaps the woman wouldn't press charges. Where I live, it doesn't matter who hit first. If there is violence, and bodily damage is done, the police will arrest the person who hit the other; they'll arrest both parties if it was mutual.

I guess as long as you don't kill her or permanently maim her, its fine.
Just be careful not to lose control and kill her.

wow. really? this surprises me to read this from you.

Eight wrote:

MotherRussia wrote:No doubt you did more damage than she did. But she was the perpetrator. You just reacted.
At least where I live the cops responded to a similar situation. The girl was very hurt and the guy was not. The girl threw the first punch, so the cops said that the guy was entitled to hit her since she hit him first, even though she was injured and he was not.

I am surprised to hear that the police didn't arrest the man. Perhaps the woman wouldn't press charges. Where I live, it doesn't matter who hit first. If there is violence, and bodily damage is done, the police will arrest the person who hit the other; they'll arrest both parties if it was mutual.

At the time I was surprised to hear it as well. The woman was offered referals to DV shelters. She didn't want to press charges but the cops said it was ultimately up to them to press charges, or not. Later she asked for charges to be dropped and they were. So, actually, you're right. In that one case.

In another case they completely dismissed her. The perp though had a long history with the police. Actually, the responding officer personally knew the perp from back in the perp's teen years when perp was a regular offender. Knew the perp by name. The girl even called her father and the father talked to the cop. The cop still sided with the perp, although the perp was a known juvenile delinquent.

wow. really? this surprises me to read this from you.

Well I don't think the girl should hit him. Although now that I know she's pregnant I think she should be given leeway. I don't think OP should hit her again.

Most of my previous relationships were short-term and non-abusive.

I was abusive at times in the longer-term relationships, but not very often because my temper was usually more cold and calm than hot-headed. It was only when I really got pissed off that I would lash out violently.

One of my ex's would get verbally abusive sometimes when he drank, but I knew he was all talk, so it never bothered me. Most of the time when he drank he'd act immature and mess around. He could be quite fun to drink with at those times.

Well I was beaten by my younger brothers father, so that is the victim side.

In my last 'relationship' I hit her a few times. Nothing big really. When I was drunk, things just took their turns.

Yeah, exes and I have been abusive. Had neighbours call the police for domestics. We never took it any further.

The most violent episodes usually start with them being unable to control their feelings and lashing out trying to get my attention. I stonewall / switch off and they want a reaction so they scream and shout and hit and bite and throw stuff and in the flurry of attacks I have enough and just throw them into the wall and make them feel small. But that's what they wanted - me to react... More recently when that's happened and I've not been in the mood I have just put them in holds on the floor until they run out of energy. In the moment sometimes I have probably gotten carried away and kind of enjoyed the feeling and gone too far but most of the time if I feel like that if they do spark something then I can channel it into sex quickly enough and use our energies in a safer way.

Have probably made a bit of a scene about them doing things when I didn't need to. Tell them it's their fault, that they did this to themselves, had it coming, made me do it, and correct behaviours that I don't want. Usually this is just intimidating with light choke and feigned anger. Emotionally pummelling them is more common for me. Guess I'm an abusive partner, even if not very often physically.

part time forum monster, part time life monster!

You know the real reason you did this Blivs? NoFap.

Eight wrote:I am surprised to hear that the police didn't arrest the man. Perhaps the woman wouldn't press charges. Where I live, it doesn't matter who hit first. If there is violence, and bodily damage is done, the police will arrest the person who hit the other; they'll arrest both parties if it was mutual.

I've had to call the police several times in my life and nobody was ever arrested or lectured even though it was visible that somebody was beaten up or had (shallow) knife wounds.

Dazz wrote:You know the real reason you did this Blivs? NoFap.

That's dealt with in other ways. Degenerate.

I do not think of myself as abusive in most of my relationships. That said, I have hit girls. Sometimes during an argument with a chick I might be trying very hard to keep myself and my anger in check and they just don't get that and keep testing my patience. Some chicks have slapped me or tried to, some kept pushing it, sometimes I have just pushed them or grabbed their hands without thinking of the strength difference. And ofc, sometimes I wasn't even trying to control myself and just reacted the way that comes to me more automatically

When I was much younger, in my teens/early twenties, I would sometimes enter in a relationship, knowing on beforehand that I would get abusive. I recognized the character difference and the potential for drama and I guess I just liked the intensity back then. Eventually I realized that I don't enjoy dramas at all and stopped getting involved with drama-prone chicks for anything more than an one-night stand. Now when I get to the point that I hit a girl, I am done with the relationship, it is getting way more complicated than what I care for