eterea107 wrote:My ex-husband was diagnosed as a Narcissist when we both had psych evals during our divorce. We'd been together for many years and I didn't know he had a PD. In retrospect and after I read up on the PD, I realized I'd been gaslighted, etc. I realized I was not married for love. He married me because of my appearance and my ability to make money.
I harbor no ill will against him so I feel I can objectively post about him.
I do not think he is a happy man. I think he is an insecure man even though he's attractive and does well at his job, and can present well to people. But he is so insecure inside. He's obsessed with his appearance and constantly looks for flaws like his hair not being perfectly styled.
He has to drive a luxury car (two cars, actually) and live in a luxury home. He exudes an aura of an extremely successful business man that is society's epitome of "success."
He is the most passive-aggressive person I've ever met. He uses that to control people and maybe cause them stress/pain?
He always has to be right. Always. There is only one way - his.
He cannot genuinely apologize to anyone for anything, even if he is in the wrong. He cannot be wrong because that would show the world he is not perfect. Or perhaps he thinks everyone is stupid, I'm not sure. It's never his fault, I do know that.
He cannot associate with anyone that does not meet his standards because it might reflect poorly on him. He associates with trendy people, goes to trendy restaurants...very material person. He likes the newest gadget/phone so others know how "cutting edge" he is.
He's very athletic and is on a sports team. He ALWAYS is the best player on the team, he says. If they lose, it is because the players are not as good as he is. I think he truly believes this. He has said this for twenty years. Every team.
He has to be in control of everything around him, including people. He doesn't care if they don't like being controlled. Their needs are irrelevant. It's all about him. He doesn't like who he is and spends his life in a facade of perfection to the world.
He can engage in small talk but only briefly. He's not a conversationalist. I always thought he was just introverted. He had me do the small talk at company business parties. If we went to a restaurant...he would have me order for him. For some reason he feels uncomfortable and falters. And he can't look bad as that's not an option in his world.
In a way, he is a shell of a human being. It's kind of sad.
Hi,
Your story reminds me a little bit of a relative's. She is going through a divorce and says the husband is a Narcissist/Psychopath. Its been hellish.
He makes an incredible amount of money and she was able to be a housewife and stay home with their kids. Which, to most people would seem sort of idyllic, living in one of the most expensive neighborhoods around and apparently living in luxury. It makes you imagine that what goes on behind doors really is quite different from the outside view.
She has tried to introspect on what caused her to be attracted to him. I think it has been a bit humbling to her, in the end, that she ended up in that situation.
Have you introspected on why you were attracted to such a disordered person?
I hope this question doesn't sound too personal or judgmental. Its not my intention. I tend to be attracted to the disordered as well, so I'm asking partly to gain more insight into myself, and for anyone else reading who can relate.
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