Hacking My Own Brain

crystal_richardson_ wrote:weird.

i wonder if this relates to the 'empathy switch'

Probably only loosely. It's almost like an inversion of the empathy switch, but I have to go through a lot of effort to diminish it (and it doesn't go away completely, and it tends to come on a bit randomly). But when it's in the low-state, I have a difficult time actually bringing it back. Usually something with a strong emotional trigger does that, like music.

It's also strange, because when I'm in one state, I don't want to be in the other. Right now I'm in the low empathy state - and I really don't want the realistic sense of what reality is to go away to be replaced by the illusion of a social human "reality" that the empathic brain naturally creates within people.

And, when I'm in that empathic state, I feel content unless triggered by something.

It's very strange. I wish I could scan my brain in both states and do comparisons. I might teach a select few people how to do this if they get close enough.

graveflower wrote:

Nasty_Boy wrote:I wonder what you did to that psycho bitch?

I second this. Details please

Not as much as I would have liked, unfortunately. I lacked experience in the manipulation department since I hadn't found the ability to so strongly suppress my empathy.

I did my best to create a sense of distrust of her in others, painted her behavior as that of a sociopath, hoping that the uneducated would read into her less skillful manipulations as that.

Unfortunately, that was my last day on the job there, a final "###$ you goodbye" moment. So, I don't even know how well it went down. It might have even backfired. Now that I moved away I don't even really give a ###$. Maybe if I see her again, I'll just insinuate on one of her particular vulnerabilities. I know my weakness is the subtle distortion of insecurity - I could probably pretty easily use one of her bigger insecurities as leverage to cause additional pain.

I dunno, maybe I'm just satisfied with the fact that I genuinely feel that she's just a trashy person who I don't feel any real need to care about. I mean, if I wasn't so isolated at the time, I'd not have had even close to the same amount of feeling around the whole thing.

On the flip side, I think she's borderline (particularly with the attachment side of things), and as such they have some key weaknesses that could be exploited. I don't have frequent access, but every few weeks or so I'm back up in the area.

So, if you have any ideas...

mindfunkmmMM wrote:

Harpsichord wrote:Dr. Jekyll prefers a Mr. Hyde who gets things done and keeps his hands clean.

I love that book, and I can relate a lot to this quote. I think you're right. Hyde prefers Hyde, of course. But no one else does..

It's weird, I have totally different value systems in different states, and in either state I don't wish to return to the other state. It is like being two people. So, the trick is to try to convince one state to act in the interest of the other. Since both states are tied to the same being that is indeed what I call myself, cooperation isn't that difficult.