Do you consider yourself mature?

WTF?

Reality check Crys. Some people love their kids. The stresses of life and child rearing is hard on most people. Kids require time , energy and money. And NO, the partner is not the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE to the other. When children are part of the equation they take center stage as mummy and daddy ought to be grown up enough to respect the efforts required in child rearing....BUT....with PD'd persons that is sooo not the case. And then the BS starts...if not even without that, the BS reigns...LOL

Lucinda wrote:jeez...i think you are the one being optimistic
I truly believe having kids detracts from r'ships....
but I guess that has just been my observation ...

it surely does detract from relationships. anything that takes so much time would. though slightly different than possible other time consuming activities since its a couple task. but i've never seen a child the cause of an established relationship suffering. the issues that happen when the child exists, existed before the child was there. sometimes the child is the only thing that keeps them together or brought them together... for however long that lasts.

overall from my observations... people talk a lot of sh!t, but they aren't any different than before children other than changing daily habits. they aren't more mature, more adult, more child-like, etc. they just have different interests. i think that thinking a child changes people is along the same lines of hoping a child will make things better in a relationship or life. "i won't be depressed if i have a baby", but the baby is there and they are the same person they were before. everyone has a baseline.

-- Wed Oct 22, 2014 2:48 pm --

crystal_richardson_ wrote:and, if people truly loved each other they wouldn't need kids right?

the kids fill some hole in the relationship, or serve the individual needs of the parents imo.

first off, you do realize over half of pregnancies are unintended, right?

everyone has a baseline.

eh...except coocoopuffs...they PUFF COO COO and SPLORT and ...raise more coocoopuffs.
And....the breed like roaches. The human species is in no danger of extinction albeit the genetics is definitely going down the tubes..

InSpiritus wrote:

everyone has a baseline.

eh...except coocoopuffs...they PUFF COO COO and SPLORT and ...raise more coocoopuffs.
And....the breed like roaches. The human species is in no danger of extinction albeit the genetics is definitely going down the tubes..

that is their baseline.

Eugenics...problem solved

crystal_richardson_ wrote:generally, I think that too.

and, if people truly loved each other they wouldn't need kids right?

the kids fill some hole in the relationship, or serve the individual needs of the parents imo.

I totally agree.
people have kids for the most ridiculous of reasons.
Fulfillment of some romantic delusion; women liking little girl and boy outfits to play real life dolls with; ; men wanting to leave their dna imprint in the world; social conditioning; the need to feel Loved...
it is almost always to fulfill their own egoic needs .

Lucinda wrote:I totally agree.
people have kids for the most ridiculous of reasons.
Fulfillment of some romantic delusion; women liking little girl and boy outfits to play real life dolls with; ; men wanting to leave their dna imprint in the world; social conditioning; the need to feel Loved...
it is almost always to fulfill their own egoic needs .

That is true. I also feel parent/ kid relationship cannot be called unconditional love because well...it is Your kid. But - i don't really think a kid disturbs relationships...if a union is strong enough and they have kids for the right reasons, whatever those are for them, it can make the bond even stronger.

eh. well first--like i said above--over half of pregnancies aren't intended. but besides that, i think a lot of intended pregnancies are instinctual with a modern logic to explain it to themselves. we always ask and get asked why we want something and form some type of idea as to why...and it's not that we really KNOW (or that there is any intellectual reason), it's that we are analyzing ourselves. absolutely nothing wrong with instinct...jmo....but really the only reason i'd see negatively, is something delusional ("this will fix my problem!") or harmful to the child.

i do think people have kids to try and fix something. but that is a small minority.

a more common reason is probably symbolic immorality. leaving something behind. in this sense, the delusion is immortality.

basically, it's a way to cope with death.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:a more common reason is probably symbolic immorality. leaving something behind. in this sense, the delusion is immortality.

basically, it's a way to cope with death.

the most common reason is instinct. i think it's delusional to think otherwise.