do the benefits of antipsychotics really outweigh the costs?

I just fired off this email to my med shrink. Some background info: I was diagnosed with delusional disorder 12 or so years ago and have been on one kind of antipsychotic or another ever since. I currently take Abilify. TODAY!, I finally connected the dots and figured out something HUGE wrt being on that particular kind of med.. the rest of this post pretty much sums up my take on it all as of this evening. Certain things have been changed in this post to protect the innocent (and guilty!)... not incriminating or pointing fingers at anyone. What do you think? How does one even begin to measure the cost this stuff has had, personally, financially, quality of life-wise? Would I, in fact, have had a happier, healthier, more productive life in the past 12 or so years if I wasn't on antipsychotics all this time? I'll tell you one thing, I sure would have been a lot faster at EVERYTHING I did. Please note, I understand that I am somewhat unique in that I can be having a delusion and simultaneously KNOW it's "just" a delusion. Most delusionals really believe what they think. I can at least partly detach from that thinking and tell myself that this is all bs and nonsense, get a grip. People with delusional disorder can be highly functional and hide the disorder. I found the delusional disorder forum of little help because the majority of the people who post there are significant others/family members of someone who has unmedicated delusional disorder. of course, real delusionals probably would never post to such a thing, even anonymously. Like I said, I'm lucky that I can do some cognitive therapy on myself and tell myself to stop thinking like this, get a grip and basically "change the subject" in my head. I WAS a very athletic person.... who could EASILY keep up. Sports were a huge, important part of my life, as is operating a vehicle.

begin copy of email:

"Antipsychotics cause akathisia, dystonia & Parkinsonism (which includes
slowing down of ALL body muscles), all of which can occur within HOURS! of
taking an antipsychotic (never mind being on them for over 10 years). Many, many years ago, I felt like I just "slowed down". Now I realize that it probably is, in fact, the antipsychotics that are responsible for this. I couldn't keep up on the court anymore (when playing basketball). My boss thinks I'm slow and often tries to light a fire under my butt (and i just can't go any faster). I feel pressure when I teach (a physical skill) to "speed up" and that I'm not moving fast enough. I have wondered what is wrong with me (never connecting it with antipsychotics)? These meds are far more insidious and life-interrupting than I ever imagined. All that I can do is shake my head about all the years and years of lost time/fun/joy due to these meds. I find myself asking , "am I REALLY better off (is my quality of life better?) being on or off this stuff?" I have no quick answer for that one and am very seriously questioning the "benefits" of being on this stuff. I know I can't change the past but I can't help but wonder how much better my quality of life could have been since I've been on antipsychotics. Slowness has been a major complaint I've had for YEARS and now, I feel that I know the reason why. I think it's disconcerting that I had to find this out from a web page on the internet and not from ANY of the mental health professionals I've seen in the past 12 years or so. Someone, somewhere along the line, SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD BE A LOT SLOWER AT EVERYTHING I DO. Why was I not informed of this? I'm really angry right now and do not wish to be a slug any longer... From what I've read, ALL antipsychotics cause this slowness (I won't even get into how this effects my driving ).. do you have any good ideas on how to get my "speed" back? (such as it is, given that I'm now 47 yrs old and there is probably no way in hell I can return to the speed I had in my early 30's when I started taking this stuff)?
I'm really pissed off. No wonder I can take amphetamines and drink tons of caffeine every day and still feel like a slug. Well, I don't wonder any more."

I can appreciate what you are saying. I was on antipsychotics for years; they slowed me down physically and mentally. It is great that you can recognize part of your thinking as being a delision. I often do the same thing. My telling myself that some of my thoughts are delisions, I can cope with the rest of life. Such a viewpoint helps my self esteem--instead of being totally crazy, I just have crazy thoughts sometimes. My big thing is figuring our what an average person is supposed to be doing, then trying to do it. I can still suit up and show up for life, even thought my thoughts can be way off.

I have used cognitive therapy to control myself for years. I used to take lots of meds, then over a period of years I slowly cut back with the guidance of a doctor. I've been off of meds for years now, a do quite nicely.
james

I was diagnosed with delusional disorder too. The shrinks wanted to give me that stuff, but I wouldn't since I knew about the side effects. I also knew that I was not delusional. I had a bad case of AvPD. They locked me up for two years and tried to get a court oder to force drug me. I won and they finally let me go with no conditions. Now I am way to scared to ever talk to another therapist.

I was in a car accident at age 13 and hit my head on the windshield.The seizures stared within days.Because my face was smashed an ENT doc was called to work on that.He called a social worker when he noticed I was not in pain while he was poking me.The 2 of them decided I was "catatonic" and sent me to a psych ward where I was given all sorts of foul poisons.I got tarditive DK and moral of the story: a whole lot more brain damage.Today I take 2 seizure meds and I am not "catatonic" but hey,I never was to begin with.Thanks for your "help".

chaya449 wrote:I was in a car accident at age 13 and hit my head on the windshield.The seizures stared within days.Because my face was smashed an ENT doc was called to work on that.He called a social worker when he noticed I was not in pain while he was poking me.The 2 of them decided I was "catatonic" and sent me to a psych ward where I was given all sorts of foul poisons.I got tarditive DK and moral of the story: a whole lot more brain damage.Today I take 2 seizure meds and I am not "catatonic" but hey,I never was to begin with.Thanks for your "help".

That stinks. Didn't your parents do anything? Or did they just trust the shrinks? I have found it's a BIG mistake to trust any doctor to do the right thing. You always have to look up your disorder and decide on the best treatment yourself.

Medication helped me when I was in a bad state to where I could not help myself.

I tried to commit suicide some years ago and wound up in a mental help place for a month. I was also having delusions, was anti-social and avoidant, and bouncing between severely depressed and manic. I did not eat anything for the first week in the hospital, except for some of these chicken broth packets they had in the cafeteria which you could put in a cup of hot water. After a few days I barricaded myself in my room using the beds and broke everything which I could break in the place, even though it was designed to be tamper proof I managed to rip the wall sockets out and pull the shatter-proof mirror off the bathroom wall, and I got the plastic molding off the sides of it and broke a piece and started to cut myself up before they could get in the room, they did get in but not before I did what I could.

Anyway... they doped me up pretty good after that, I was on thorazine for a while but eventually got off of it once it seemed like I was improving. I've been on other things since then, Risperdal, Depakote, Zoloft, Lamictal, and probably some others. There were times I did feel like a zombie and couldn't think well, and didn't like the medications. I don't take them anymore because of that, but now I am more able to manage myself, and I think if nothing else that the medications slowed me down and balanced me enough so that I could have the ability to make my own recovery.

I don't think I would have recovered without the medication, I'd probably be dead.

This isn't to say that it is for everyone, it definitely isn't, but we cannot just make sweeping judgements about medications. So the answer to the question in this topic should be "it depends".

gwilly wrote:"Medication helped me when I was in a bad state to where I could not help myself.

I tried to commit suicide some years ago and wound up in a mental help place for a month. I was also having delusions, was anti-social and avoidant, and bouncing between severely depressed and manic. I did not eat anything for the first week in the hospital, except for some of these chicken broth packets they had in the cafeteria which you could put in a cup of hot water. After a few days I barricaded myself in my room using the beds and broke everything which I could break in the place, even though it was designed to be tamper proof I managed to rip the wall sockets out and pull the shatter-proof mirror off the bathroom wall, and I got the plastic molding off the sides of it and broke a piece and started to cut myself up before they could get in the room, they did get in but not before I did what I could.

Anyway... they doped me up pretty good after that, I was on thorazine for a while but eventually got off of it once it seemed like I was improving. I've been on other things since then, Risperdal, Depakote, Zoloft, Lamictal, and probably some others. There were times I did feel like a zombie and couldn't think well, and didn't like the medications. I don't take them anymore because of that, but now I am more able to manage myself, and I think if nothing else that the medications slowed me down and balanced me enough so that I could have the ability to make my own recovery.

I don't think I would have recovered without the medication, I'd probably be dead.

This isn't to say that it is for everyone, it definitely isn't, but we cannot just make sweeping judgements about medications. So the answer to the question in this topic should be "it depends.

\You were in a bad hospital. They should have the beds bolted to the floor to stop the barricading. I used to work in a hospital like that. they didn't adress issues like that and some people died. The place got decertified almost a decade ago.

If you had been in a better hospital you might not even had needed the thorozine. That's really bad stuff - not many places use it anymore.

Parador wrote:You were in a bad hospital. They should have the beds bolted to the floor to stop the barricading. I used to work in a hospital like that. they didn't adress issues like that and some people died. The place got decertified almost a decade ago.

If you had been in a better hospital you might not even had needed the thorozine. That's really bad stuff - not many places use it anymore.

Yeah. I don't think it was necessarily a bad place, I just didn't belong there. I think it is more a place for people with less severe problems than what I had, they even said they weren't really 'equipped' to handle me... but um, yeah, when they sent me there from emergency room I don't think they had a clue yet just exactly how much in bad shape I was.

My parent(mom) was the only parent since my dad left her.She has been a borderline personality since before I was born.She was willing to believe I was crazy but not that I had brain damage because that would have meant she was responsible since she was driving the car and went to sleep at the wheel.So no,she would not have helped and to this very day denies I have seizures.When she gets in a rage she calls me a retard and a few other foul names.Meaner than a junkyard dog.There isnt any medication for BPD.I think people can get angry and say to each other "i am angry with you because..." Its not necessary to rage and throw things and destroy property.My brother killed himself and my mom was responsible but she only gave him the pills,she didnt swallow them for him.Pills are not needed to "slow down" Behavior out of control of the behaver is the the behaver's responsibility.If you think pills will fix it you are just one step from how my brother fixed it.Personally I wont swallow it.

Pardon me for not realizing that you know everything about everything.

My mistake.