Anger and Hatred

I am so full of anger and hatred I can't see straight. I really have no control over it much, any longer. Its partly due to hormones, and its partly due to being trapped in a really sucky situation I can't see my way out of which is causing me to feel powerless. But the point is that I get enraged over nothing, and go off like a volcano, spewing all over the place. I rarely even know what I'm saying, and have no control over my thoughts. Its just pure, blinding rage.

The basis of my rage is my helplessless. Its also situations that remind me of my helplessness, and that remind me that people can get away with doing things that are wrong. No one will do anything about these wrongs. I get flashbacks to my rapes or abuses and how I tried to get help, and no one would help me, and no one would believe me, and the perps always got away with it. Always. And I just ... I black out. I don't get violent often (I have in the past, or been told I have anyhow), but I just get verbally engaged. Then frustrated because the rage overtakes my ability to think and I'm left just blowing out all over. That adds to my rages.

I've been in several anger management classes, I know what I'm supposed to do, but I can't do it. I go from 0 to 100 in 0.001 seconds. There's no warning. Then I get all of the physical symptoms (heart palps, hot flashes, chest tight, band around my head, etc.) and everything goes red. Or black. Or whatever. Blank. Just pure unadulterated rage.

I do not know what to do. I'm seeing the doctor for HRT and hoping that helps. I will not take SSRIs or antidepressants. Ideas?

Mood stabilisers? A low dose of something like Seroquel maybe?

Yeah, but I really don't want to take drugs. My doctor and I are looking at HRT (hormones) already, since that seems to be the basis of this. Maybe if that doesn't work then I'll have to consider something stronger. A lot of this is my PTSD reactions, having to deal with flashbacks. So what I kind of need is advice on how to control the rage of the flashbacks? I guess. I think! I just know that three anger management classes don't help one single bit. Heh. I hope I don't have to go on drugs. >.< I don't want to.

Hey Madeline. I don't have any experience with blind rage, but I have long standing anger problems. One thing I want to say to you is that I think you have tremendous courage to face your anger in this way, to write about it, and to take the anger management classes. Keep going and you will find your way forward to a less angry way of being.

In my experience, sometimes when we work with these problematic behavior patterns, they seem to get more intense. It's part of the healing process that things sometimes get worse as we shine the light on what was previously less visible. Do you think this might be the case for you?

One other thought, is that you might benefit from taking some time every day to be kind to yourself. Take a half hour or more, and do something your really like to do. If you don't know what you like to do, than use that half hour finding out. Do some writing, recalling what gave you enjoyment in the past. Go for a massage once a week. Take nice long walks, etc. Whatever it is, if you can increase the joy factor in your life, this can start to create holes in the seeming hopeless wall of anger.

I hope this is of some help.

Hey, Craig.

Thanks, yeah. I think you're right, and I hadn't thought of that one, that I should try and remember what made me happy. Its been so long since I've been that way that I'm afraid I can't remember it, honestly, and I think my agoraphobia made me stop most of it. Today I will take out my art pad and pencil, which I haven't done in years, and see if I can try art again (its been hard with carpal tunnel to use writing/art instruments). That always seemed to help in the past.

And yeah, I think this may be a mid-life "working things out", possibly. I've read a lot of women, I guess, go through rage due to menopause and hormone fluxuations, and it changes a lot of things for them. For me, currently I'm in a position where I'm having to face a lot of stuff from the past, and having flashbacks and things that are triggering me. This is due to my dad being old and my having to take care of him now. It seems my rage is connected to a feeling of helplessness and disempowerment - and my lack of an ability to change things currently - so it comes out side-ways at everything (and anyone) that reminds me of any of the above.

That sounds like a very intense combination of factors. No surprise you are having a hard time with it all. The art sounds good. I would imagine doing artwork could be very therapeutic, which of course it must be since there is an art therapy profession. Actually I have done quite a bit of therapy over the years, and one man I used to see had me paint out my difficult stuff, and another some years ago used to have me write it out. I definitely found these very helpful in expressing my pain and getting it moving. I find when I do voice (or paint or write, all the same) my suffering, there is more clarity about my situation, along with some relief.

Hi, Craig!

I found this information, which I put in Women's Health, below. Might be of some use to you as well in your anger management website: Menopause brings rage. It goes somewhat into the chemical stuff (hormones, et. al.) involved in episodes of rage (anxiety/depression). Just thought it may be an addition!

Thank you again for the help!

If you ever, in anger, feel as if you're going to do something as foolish as throwing a person off the garden wall, maybe it would help you to know that there are some pretty fool-proof ways to manage anger. The most widely known, is of course, the time out. Count to ten, take a break, develop a sudden coughing fit and have to go get a drink of water. Give yourself some time to get your emotions back under control.

There are some other tips just as useful. Ask yourself how important, in the long run, that thing that's making you angry is. Will it matter terribly five years, weeks, or minutes from now? Getting some perspective helps you calm down. You can remind yourself that the person who is behaving in a way that you respond to with anger is probably doing and saying what seems best to them at that time. People can only behave in ways that are consistent with their knowledge and their desires, so maybe trying to understand that person's information and wants will help you be more compassionate and less angry.

Another very powerful strategy for managing anger is to strengthen yourself so that you're not so vulnerable to it. Take good care of your body, use mini-relaxations to help you think more clearly and less rigidly, practice meditation or prayer frequently, and set your mind on positive things to crowd out the negative.

Each and every time you find yourself becoming angry, stop and calmly decide whether you're going to allow that emotion to take control of your life, even for a few minutes. If the decision is no, then have some well-practiced, considerate responses ready to deflect the anger, both yours and the other person's. You might say, "My experience is different", or "You may be right, at that", or "I can see how you might feel that way".

None of these responses commits you to their viewpoint, nor do they insult the other person. If you decide that you want to experience and use the energy that anger gives you to make a bad situation better, then use all your skill for that purpose, rather than for destructive ends. In the long run, you'll be proud of yourself, others will be impressed, and you'll be developing rapidly in wisdom and understanding.

hi to all, ive been also experiencing the things that you are experiencing now, but to control my anger and hatred i just go to quiet place by myself.. and sometimes i even shout to release the anger that im feeling, and it rellay helps me alot... you guys should also try this,, =)

I was very irritable before I got on thyroid replacement hormones.I yelled when I got frustrated.I have never hit anyone even when I could have got away with it.I mean when it was legally justified.I also have had problems with "emotional lability" because of brain damage and seizures.I have never felt unconrollable rage.My mother is a borderline personality and for many years I have been afraid I might become like her if it is hereditary.I have found out that by being overly gentle and kind I can make myself a target of bullying.If people do not fear retribution it seems like they just go hog wild with nasty gossiping.Especially if you are catholic.When I realized the damage the catholic church was doing to me I quit going.I did not stop believing in God I just stopped believing in the catholic church.Our priest would get offended if anyone left the service to use the restroom and his face would turn bright red and his features would distort.For about 4 months I was convinced these people were demon possessed.It was a good thing I continued my Bible studies,huh? My mother is scaring me half to death right now with her rages.I think it is very brave and far from helpless to be willing to talk about this.Mom denies everything.(Its all my fault)When I look back at what all these raging people have in common it seems to be that they are very sensitive to their weakness.Are you looking for a pill that will make your conscience dead?You won't find any.My mom eats Zanax til she is in a stupor and drooling into her lap.She still rages.She is nice to strangers but to me she is hateful.I have seen my step dad close to hitting her and I have defended her.Dont ask me why.He is 57 and she is 75.She wanted a husband who was sick and dependant and would not leave her.Everyone leaves her because she is so selfish.There is alot to be learned from the internet.I got hooked up to do Bible study and look where I am at.Do not react.Try very hard to think it thru