Angry thoughts turned into angry actions.

I get angry about a number of things. I'm 18 years old and a lot of changes are happening to me. However, one emotion that has been forming most recently is anger and I'm getting pissed off from just about anything. I have this manly self-righteousness about hard work and stuff but that's because I don't have much friends and I am dissatisfied with the circumstances that are currently happening in my life.

Just about an hour ago something happened and that's when I decided I need help. I was angry today because I was editing a video for someone else ( a video job ) last week but I messed up and my client was unsatisfied. To my disdain I had to take down the video and re-edit it to make some changes that can satisfy my client. I had a number of setbacks today and I got increasingly frustrated until I finally managed to re-edit the video and upload it and tell my client. She said the video was great but I only had to make one little change and they were willing to pay me for it (I missed that last part)

At that point, from all the effort I put in re-making this video for free, I wrote a text message to her so I could vent my frustration but I was obviously not going to send it. However, I did accidentally and I started freaking out. Here's the following messages:

Her- "Nice! Now all you gotta do is add the following to the end and everything will be fine: (Blah blah blah). We're willing to pay you for those changes."

Me- "LOOK, YOU PIECE OF $#%^ WHORE. I'VE BEEN SUFFERING ALL DAY FOR YOUR ######6 VIDEO AND I DIDN'T CHARGE YOU $#%^. SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS YOU PIECE OF $#%^ WHORE!!!!"

Imagine how I felt after that.

So I sent her like 5 messages apologizing and telling her that my friend wrote that message and he's an asshole. She didn't reply so I called her and explained it to her and she said she didn't get any messages but I told her anyway and she said it was alright. I'm still ashamed because I messed up the video and all she wanted was some advertisement for her business. She didn't deserve that.

By the way, here are some things you should also know:

I've had a few other very unusual instances that are hard to explain and I'm not sure how to begin, but I'll try to make it short.

-I talk to myself out loud when I'm alone. - Sure everyone has an inner voice, but I just do it out loud. That includes screaming. I've tried to hide it from people and as a result I've turned into a pretty good liar (Although I don't like to lie). Topics include explaining something I learned today, arguing with another person I know in real life, practicing my imitations of other people, acting in a movie, singing, fooling around, fantasizing about getting in fights with people i hate, etc.

-I have ADHD - I'm very impulsive and stubborn. I get hyperactive outbursts and I'm pretty ignorant, which pisses people off understandably.

-I get angry about people being lazy or ignorant - I always see people not doing anything useful and my hometown is falling apart due to bad economic circumstances. My grandpa owns a hotel and it's going bankrupt and I've been trying to save the hotel and my hometown altogether through some complicated plans I invented in my mind and have it on paper. I don't go out much to have fun or anything.

-I'm homophobic to the point of anger against gays. - It's unfair to be angry at them, but since more and more people are turning gay, I'm afraid I might turn into that. and I don't see myself as a homosexual, and I am currently in a college were almost everyone is gay, so imagine what I'm going through.

-I tend to alienate people - My father was never there for me and he gets angry a lot. Furthermore, all of my high school years were terrible. Everyone made fun of me and stuff. Even if they see me now as someone entirely new and they're amazed to see the new me (through years of self-improvement), I'm still resentful towards them and some of them I just outright ignore them or walk away from them. In college I don't have any friends and spent an entire semester alone.

-Sometimes when I get a thought about a bad memory, I not only cringe, but I flail my arms or legs or make some loud noise or something out of embarrassment. This is pretty dangerous because it also happens when I drive and I almost crashed the car a lot of times (I've never crashed the car before).

-I don't believe in churches or institutions (school, college, etc.) because I know religion is #######4 (Read a lot of human history) and institutions don't work for me. I am currently an Atheist and I have "F" in every class in college. I don't do drugs and I don't drink and I don't party. I just work and that's it.

Yes, it's pretty ###$ up and it's all true. I don't know what to do and I think you guys could give me some pointers as long as it doesn't have to do with medicine and...meditation...I think it's kinda lame because I met a lot of people with anger problems who turn to religion or spirituality but they're just trying to block off anger, which results in an implosion. And I know that's not the way neither.

Hi there, what a nice long post there! First off, everybody deals with anger differently and you got to do what works for you (As long as its not violent)!...No one is saying you need to have faith/pray /believe in some higher power, or even do yoga or meditate... There are many other great ways to deal with anger. First thing you should do, is Identify what triggers your anger. Is it things that happen in which you can't be in control of the situation? Is it people you perceive are not as hard working as you. You might have to think, long and hard about what your triggers are, since they are not always that obvious and also ask yourself "Why does this bother me or piss me off so much?". Other things you can try are counting to 10, while taking 2-3 deep breaths, to relax yourself, before reacting, and doing something you will undoubtedly regret later. Also, Try listening to music, exercising (Physical activity is a great way to re-channel and redirect anger & stress). Also don't worry about "becoming gay", you are either born gay or not, it is not contagious. It sounds as though you might also be angry at yourself. People who are really angry at themselves, insecure or even depressed often project their anger & take it out on other people, or on situations they can't control. So an important mantra is to "accept the things you cannot change or have control over".

For more on deep breathing & relaxation exercises, go here:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_ ... xation.htm

-Dan

Hey there. Not much I can really help you with (I'm still looking for the source and solution for my own anger)

But I do those things too when I talk to myself. I do interviews in my head, too, and I think I'm really good at imitations. Maybe knowing that we share those quirks will brighten your day a bit.