Alcohol abuse, G.A.D., & frequently arguing couple

My boyfriend of four years and I are residents of Islamorada, FL (in the Florida Keys) and, like many of the people in this area, we are frequent “partiers” in that we are very social people and more often than not, our social activities include frequent binge drinking. Through my education (B.S. in Psychology) and through much of the research and reading that I have been doing today on the internet, I feel that the best way to describe us per DSM terminology is “Alcohol Abusers” or “Alcohol Abuse Disorder.” We are not alcohol dependents. Additionally, we both also have G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) for which he takes Cymbalta and I take Effexor, but I am in the process of possibly changing back to Cymbalta, which I have taken in the past.

Our problem is that, with the drinking and intoxication comes lots of arguing. We find ourselves more and more often lately getting into fairly bad arguments when we’re intoxicated. None of the arguments are physically violent and I do not fear that they will become that way, but they often include screaming, yelling, crying, and blaming/attacking one another. Additionally, my boyfriend recently, while very drunk, fell in our neighbor’s yard, broke his nose and passed out in a pool of blood. Thankfully, our friends found him about a half hour later, at which point I was awoken and took him to the hospital for treatment.

And then last night we got into a significant argument, in which he was so angry that he punched and broke something on our porch, and bruised/hurt his fist in the mean time. That is not at all a common behavior for him as he is generally a very sweet and fun person, drunk or not.

I find that I get angry easily when we’re drinking and “fly off the handle” at the drop of a dime or if I don’t get my way, leading to screaming and yelling. And then arguments last until the next day when we, with cloudy heads, have to try to rehash the problem, often continue the argument, and it just, without any better way of putting it, sucks really badly!

But last night’s argument has lead us to seeking advise in changing our habits. We are both aware that alcohol is the catalyst of these arguments and that we both need to change our ways because it is causing our relationship to come to a breaking point.

While he has health insurance coverage for mental health care, I do not have mental health coverage with my insurance due to a pre-existing disorder (GAD), therefore we are not financially able to attend couple’s counseling. So we are interested in doing the next step, which is self-help, starting with books. I am wondering if any one can suggest any books or guides to helping us in choosing other routes of social entertainment other than drinking, better conflict resolution, better self-control, etc.

I apologize for this very long post but I am at a breaking point. This is absolutely wearing me thin and we are not going to be able to survive our relationship much longer if we are not able to change soon. Please, any help that anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Hi,

I am thinking that 'breaking' this drinking habit is proving too difficult for you both, so therefore you both must replace the habit instead. What I mean is, instead of drinking, go out together for a walk or to the cinema. If you aren't into walks, then get a dog and use him/her as the excuse to go for a walk. There is a great and interesting world out there for you both to explore. Tomorrow, go into your local tourist office and see what there is you and he can do together (in place of drinking).