My mom can't adjust... please help!

My girlfriend is having some rather serious problems with her mom. She is 24, completed her BS this past spring, and is currently in the teaching certification program. Ever since we've been dating, a little over three months, her mom has been getting more and more clingy - and acting more and more kid like. About 2 weeks ago, her dad got deployed for six months... and it's just gotten worse.

She still lives with her mom and dad, and her younger brother lives out of state now. Her mom has always been very needy, and doesn't really have many friends due to the fact she is always in need of being the center of attention and has problems sharing people with others in a social situation. So her mom has had her husband (now overseas) and my girlfriend for sole friends for the past 20 some odd years. Now, my girlfriend will come and spend a couple days at a time with me (she lives a couple hours away) and her mom will go crazy without her.

What do I mean by go crazy? For example, when she came to see me last week, her mom didn't even tell her she loved her when she left, just told the dog to stay so she wouldn't run out the door. Didn't call her for the two days she was here. When she got home, her mom said, "Well i'm glad you're alive since you never called me." When she is at home with her mom, her mom won't do anything (such as go to Wal Mart by herself, the post office, grocery shopping, etc...) my girlfriend has to do all of this, along with school and work.

I came back from a vacation, and brought my girlfriend a little necklace charm. Really pretty, her mom said something to the tone of being "stupid and child like." Obvious jealousy, just little comments are really cutting her down and making her feel bad.

Every time my girlfriend leaves now, she's afraid that she's going to get home and her mom will have changed the locks or something. (I honestly don't think her mom has the guts to do something like this. Even though she's acting like this, she's way too dependent on my girlfriend to lock her out.)

My g/f came back down this past Sunday after work, called her mom to let her know she was here (she didn't answer), left a message, her mom never called back until today. Told her that she was so sick she couldn't keep anything down and was in the ER this morning and got an IV for dehydration. Wasn't sick beforehand, and it's just terribly upset my girlfriend now - making her sick to her stomach.

Her mom won't go to any kind of therapist - won't even admit that there is a problem really. Likes to "play dumb" for lack of better words. Makes my girlfriend feel like shit for spending time with me, and it's tearing the two apart.

Every day they see each other, her mom does or says something hateful to her, and the stress is just getting really unbearable.

She started to write this, but couldn't even focus to write a clear sentence, so I wrote it, let her proofread, and we are gratefully appreciative of any advice anyone can bestow upon us.
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Hi,

Have you been pretty much just staying in the background with this issue? I think that would be wise, for now. I think, however, that your girlfriend might be partly to blame for this. Just hear me out. Perhaps she has not stood-up to her mother's odd behaviour which has allowed her mother to continue behaving this way. Please don't be angry with me if I'm wrong. I'm just trying to cover all angles here, okay?

I can't help but feel sorry for her mother because she is probably very lonely but, still, her behaviour is affecting you and your partner in a bad way. I go back to what i said earlier tough: I think that your partner should stand-up more to her and really let her know that her behaviour is 1) wrong and; 2) not the sign of mentally healthy person.

Perhaps printing-off an article about the disorder you think she has and giving it to her to read would help.

Kevin

Multiple posting isn't allowed. Where do you want this moved to?